He’s fireworks on a hot city night, you’re an early-morning snowfall in the wilderness. No one would EVER have expected the two of you to end up together. Are you too different for love?
Are you too different to be compatible? Or will your differences refresh and energize each other?
“Dear Claire, I have been separated and divorced for 12 years now, and I recently connected with an old friend. We dated briefly in high school but have stayed friends through the years. Now we are seeing each other. But our lifestyles are completely different.
He’s never been married. He has no children. He’s super laid back. He’s perfectly content with his life. I’m type A. Single mother with crazy ex husband. Boys busy with activities. Recently moved my mother in because she had cancer. I’m a planner. He’s spontaneous. Are our lifestyles too different???” — Tamara
I LOVE IT when women email me to tell me they’ve found love.
And I love that I can give you a crazy-simple answer to your question of “Are our lifestyles too different?” Short answer? No, they aren’t. 🙂
Are they different — of course! But in this case, your differences are going to make your relationship challenging at times, but also refreshing and energizing.
The trick here is to know what things are actual relationship deal-breakers…
9 examples of relationship deal-breakers
- You’re not regularly one of his top 3 priorities in life.
- You’ve been together for a while, but you still don’t feel you can trust him.
- Even though you’ve clearly communicated it, he still won’t do the things that make you feel loved (he won’t speak your love language).
- He’s scarily unpredictable, controlling or violent with you.
- Your sexual preferences are worlds apart (and never going to get closer).
- One or both of you are struggling with addiction.
- You’ve never figured out how to work through arguments or disagreements together.
- You have wildly different ideas about relationship commitment.
- He thinks of you as a booty call, not a girlfriend.
Good relationships learn to compromise on the little things…
Every relationship brings differences to the table; part of the task of being in the relationship is to work things around those differences. So long as you’re not dealing with deal-breakers, it can actually be kind of invigorating!
You both will find yourselves giving in for each other at different times. You’ll enjoy his spontaneity, and he’ll learn to appreciate your need to be somewhat organized. And you’ll work through it when something crosses the line from “cute” to “irritating as hell.” 🙂
Sex won’t make him love you…
When a man is overwhelmed with passion for you that he’ll promise you anything, BUT…
It doesn’t work. No matter what he promises you, no matter how crazy, over the top with red hot intensity he feels toward you, that isn’t enough to make him want to spend the rest of his life with you.
The truth is that no matter how attractive you are…
How great you look in that little black dress…
The moment a man really falls in love with you is when you use this one thing
during his moment of doubt and/or discouragement.
That’s when he realizes that you’re the one woman who makes him feel complete.
That’s the instant when he realizes it’s pointless to keep looking because until
you use this, he hasn’t bonded with you.