How Can I Convince Him I Won’t Cheat?

How to convince him I won't cheat

We all have a few skeletons in the closet. Most of us have horror stories about our exes, or embarrassing relationship mistakes we’ve made that we’d prefer no one knew about. Who cheated on whom, when it happened, what that b*tch did, how that jerk treated you… Boy have we told those stories.

It’s not surprising that at the start of a new relationship you wonder…

Will this one cheat on me?

Will I screw this up?

Is this going to FINALLY work out or should I just spend the next five years of my dating life huddled with a blanket on my couch, binge-watching Scrubs and How I Met Your Mother?

It’s a wonder we ever manage to get a new relationship off the ground with any kind of trust.

Dear Claire, my best friend of 14 years & I have recently confessed our love for each other & decided to start dating. We have both been cheated on in the past. He is about to leave for a year & a half. Knowing this we tried to keep things light & breezy because he does not want a girlfriend while he is gone. His reasoning, they always cheat while he is away. I get that. I truly do. I have been there too! I work hard every day to not let what my ex’s have done to me affect how I think. How do I help him accept that I am NOT those people & could NEVER do that to him?  – Shelley

What a sweet story! Thanks for writing me, Shelley. I love that the two of you are investigating a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship after all these years being best friends. And your question is a really good one: How can you convince him that you won’t cheat?

The Fastest Answer EVER

The two-word super-speedy answer is “build trust.” And you can skip down and see how to do that below.

BUT there’s actually more going on here that you should think about.

This may be a little painful for you to hear, but I think there’s also MUCH HOPE for the two of you if you’ll consider this.

If you’ve ever wondered if a man really loves you, you need to go watch this amazing video right now… Michael Fiore shares the “7 Simple Questions that PROVE How He Really Feels.”

He’s Already Told You “No”

This is the big one, Shelley. He’s already told you he doesn’t think the two of you should be in a committed relationship while he’s gone. You should try to understand and accept that, rather than trying to force him to change his mind.

Even if you argue with him enough that he eventually agrees, he might just be doing it to get you off his case. That’s not a great way to start a relationship.

One more critical item before we get to the trust building methods (and quiz!)…

Don’t Be Exclusive Unless You BOTH Agree to Be Exclusive

In one way, this expands on the point above. But it’s really more about what’s best for YOU.

Are you ready to completely give up a year and a half of your dating life, NOT KNOWING whether or not you’ll actually end up with this person?

So much happens in a year and a half. People change, interests shift, revelations and life changes explode like lightning and utterly re-make your universe.

If the two of you think you can make a go of your relationship, then you can do that just as well a year and a half from now.

Why not let your dating life include some light, casual long-distance romance with this guy? I bet he would be open to that.

Just be clear that you’ll be casually dating other men, too. He can do the same as well. Who knows, a year and a half from now, you may have discovered that the two of you really will work well together.

Building Trust Takes Time and Intentional Effort

The plain truth is that you CAN’T just convince him that you won’t cheat. You can’t just emphatically say, “I promise I won’t cheat” and have it relieve all your partner’s fears. Not immediately, anyway. Trust takes time and intention to build.

You have to prove it to be true, over time.

5 Powerful Ways To Build Trust With Your Partner

But there are lots of things you can do to build trust with someone, even before you arrive at an exclusive dating arrangement…

Steven Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, talks about the very specific ways you can build trust.

  1. You can become a great listener, and seek to understand other people’s position before you try to explain/convince someone of your own position.
  2. You can build your integrity: Let your words consistently match your actions and beliefs.
  3. You can have solid life goals and boundaries, and be clear with others about your expectations of them.
  4. You can learn what it takes to build up another person – what does each specific person value? What things can/will/do you do that make them feel loved?
  5. You can be responsible and accountable. When you mess up, you can apologize and make things right.

5 trust building questions

TAKE THE QUIZ: What’s Your Trust Level?

I’ve put the simple points above into a true/false quiz format for you below. Any time you want to evaluate the trust levels between you and the person you love, this should help you get an idea of where you are with that.

There are two sections of 5 questions each. Be sure to do BOTH.

For each question below, circle True or False.

1. My partner seeks to understand before he/she tries to be understood.
True / False

2. My partner’s actions match his/her words and beliefs 95-100% of the time. When he/she says they will do something, I know they will. His/her actions are in line with his/her beliefs.
True / False

3. My partner knows his/her own goals and boundaries, and is very clear in his/her expectations of me, and of others.
True / False

4. My partner does the “little things.” He/she knows what acts of love and kindness fill the my emotional bank account, and he/she does them daily.
True / False

5. My partner will apologize when he/she screws up, and he/she always does his/her best to make it right.
True / False

Now FLIP the Quiz

Before you go any further, flip the quiz. How would your spouse answer these five big questions about you?

1. My partner would say that I seek to understand before I try to be understood.
True / False

2. My partner would say that my actions match my words and beliefs 95-100% of the time. When I say I will do something, he/she trusts completely that I will. My actions are in line with my beliefs.
True / False

3. My partner would say that I know my own goals and boundaries, and that I’m very clear in my expectations of me, and of others.
True / False

4. My partner would agree that I do the “little things.” He/she would tell you that I know what acts of love and kindness fill her/his emotional bank account, and I do them daily.
True / False

5. My partner will tell you that I apologize when I screw up, and I always do my best to make it right.
True / False

If you found yourself hesitating to circle “True” on questions 1-5 of EITHER quiz, you need more time and work to build trust between you.

Want X-Ray Vision for Your Man’s Mind?

listen nowMy friend Michael Fiore recently asked over 20,000 men, “What’s the one thing you desperately wish the woman in your life understood about men but could NEVER tell her?”

The results were juicy, devastating and dangerous…

Click Here to Listen Now: How to Know if a Man Really Loves You

Guys opened up about how they FEEL about women, about what they WANT from women, and about what makes them MAD about women…

This will totally blow apart what you think you know about men. Go check it out.

xoxo Claire

 

Want More Love in Your Life?
Take my FREE Love Number Quiz, get access to private posts and free ebooks ONLY for you, and see YOUR questions about men, dating, and relationships... Answered!

, , , , , , , , , , ,

One Response to How Can I Convince Him I Won’t Cheat?

  1. Nina February 20, 2017 at 3:40 am #

    How can I prove to him that I’m loyal and I wouldn’t cheat on him ?

Leave a Reply