There are a lot of forces that influence a man’s sex drive, and guess what? You’re wrong about what those forces are. If he wants sex more than you do, it may have absolutely nothing to do with how horny he is…
How to figure out the REAL reasons the two of you have different levels of desire…
Does your guy want sex all the time? Or at least a lot more than you do? Here’s what you need to know about sex drives and relationships and how healthy couples match ’em up…
“Claire, how about an article about when his sex drive is higher than yours… Tips on how to give him his needs when you really can’t be bothered because life is rushing by. And don’t say slow down please! I really feel for my man but sometimes I just don’t want sex every time I see him!” – Valarie
Hi, Valarie, thanks for writing. And here’s the thing: Sex drives almost NEVER match up.
And why should our sex drives be different from everything else?
I mean, you and your boyfriend don’t always want the same thing for lunch, do you? You don’t have the same ideas at the same times about going for a run, or building your career, or taking a break.
It’s pretty amazing when we DO manage to get our wacky lives and libidos in the same room together and give each other some pleasure. Sometimes it’s even good enough to make you raise your wine in a toast to sexual victory over normal life chaos!
Two things first, before I address your question for “tips on how to give him his needs.”
Get to the TRUE HEART of your man, make him desperate to understand and give you all the things YOU NEED… Click here and see the adorable cartoon!
The REAL Reasons Guys Want Sex All the Time
1. They don’t, but it’s validation of “manhood”
Guys DON’T always want to get down and boogie. But everything in the world tells them the single most important factor in being a MAN is how high your sex drive is; how much you get hot and naked with a lady. Success means they can once again affirm themselves to be a man in the most important way.
Does this crappy script sound familiar? Yep. Because women are told the best way to be a woman is to be dangerously thin and superhumanly nurturing to everyone but themselves.
2. It’s a power thing
What is awesome to a guy is when he makes his woman feel utterly awash in a sea of sexual ecstasy; totally out of control in his arms and bed.
A high sex drive and the ability to make a woman dissolve in pleasure between the sheets makes men feel powerful, in the manliest way.
But then again, for a woman to allow herself to drop the mask lose control like that, he has to win her trust and love, right? So maybe not a total “power trip” after all…
3. Boredom, curiosity, and all the rest…
Everything else falls into more mundane categories than “being a man” and “making a woman feel amazing.”
Sometimes there are good (but boring) reasons, sometimes there aren’t. Just like with women. Which brings me to my next item…
The REAL Reasons Women DON’T Want Sex All the Time
1. Too tired and busy.
The #1 reason most women aren’t thrilled to see the south pole rising once again. There is laundry to be done, off-hours biz work, emails, appointments that need to get scheduled, screaming toddlers, squeezing in yoga or crossfit, etc. etc. etc. until you finally fall into bed exhausted.
Nookie after all that? No way.
2. Low self-confidence or body image.
With the top cultural message to women being “you need to as thin as a supermodel” there’s no wonder that most women feel uncomfortable about their bodies.
His high sex drive means (women think) that our bodies are being scrutinized once again… Even if it’s not true, we feel it.
3. Boredom, lack of arousal, and all the rest…
See above. And add in the simple fact that it sometimes takes a bit more time to warm up a woman’s sexual interest than it does a man’s.
Is it any wonder we have trouble matching up our sex drives?
So what’s a woman to do??
The real issue is that you need to figure out how to balance your life in such a way that you nourish your own soul and body as well as make room for the man you adore.
Does that resonate?
So here are 2 powerful questions for you:
1. Are you taking good care of yourself, rather than letting life’s demands run you over?
2. Do you love your man enough to try to solve this in a healthy way that could keep the two of you together and happy forever?
If you answered “No”…
If you answered “No” to either or both of these, you know what you need to do…
- Learn to take care of yourself, and find a man you love, a man with whom you DO want to build intimacy and togetherness. (I’ll warn you, it’s hard work. But well worth it!)
If you answered “Yes!”…
And if you answered “Yes!” to both of the questions above, then it’s time for a conversation with your guy…
- You may want to encourage him to share the work with you, to take on some of the responsibilities you’re currently handling.
- Or maybe he can help you figure out what things could be dropped from the schedule…
- You may want to help him learn to initiate foreplay in ways that arouse and excite you, so that you don’t just feel all eye-rolly and uninterested when he wants to have sex.
- You could also talk about how to communicate when you want him to handle the urge himself…
- And you may want to invite him to help solve the feeling of “libido mismatch” (which EVERYONE has, girlfriend) in ways you haven’t even considered.
He’s a smart guy or you wouldn’t love him the way you do. And after all, the two of you are in this together, right?
I know you can do it. Take the time to figure out ways the two of you can work to build the kind of relationship that will carry you far into the future… Together!
How to Get "Super Powers" Over Your Man
Have you ever known of relationships where women have men "wrapped around their pinkie"?
There's brain chemistry behind this phenomena. Women can actually trigger neurons in men's brains to help them to quit drinking, stop smoking, put down the remote or even WANT to pay attention to them and have deep conversations.
It's not a fairy tale. It is actual science.
Mirabelle Summers has a kinda weird, but totally awesome story about how to get a man to treat you like the woman he absolutely can't live without. And it doesn’t mean bending over backwards, walking on eggshells, or constantly reaching out, asking, and begging for more.
You are going to see INCREDIBLE and AMAZING changes in your man’s behavior and feelings within seconds of applying the eight steps of this method (yup, things will happen that fast!)
Be sure to use your super powers for good! 🙂