Texting is easy. On most calling plans it’s free, nearly everyone casually indulges in it, and you don’t have to invest much of yourself to send someone a simple text message.
And perhaps that’s EXACTLY why you wish he’d stop typing out tiny tidbits of himself and actually call you for a REAL conversation…
Here are the reasons your man is texting rather than calling you, and exactly what you can do to get him to call more, and text less.
Claire, how can we set the tone that we do not want to communicate only by text message? If I give someone my phone number should I just be clear then that I want a phone call? I don’t want to come off as being rude, but I am so sick of getting texts!! Please give us a polite way to set the tone. – Kelly
Hi, Kelly! I can totally hear your frustration, and I know you’re not the only one experiencing it. And I’m sure you know that when you first give a guy your number is NOT the time to start putting boundaries on your communication. That’s something you’ll have to build over time as the two of you start getting to know each other.
I know there are people who are pretty good at texting, and some who are (really, really) bad at it, but generally speaking, texting is a good first step. It’s just not where you want to keep the bulk of your relationship conversations.
Below you’ll find a few key pieces of the puzzle that will help you understand not only why he texts, but also what you can do about it as your relationship progresses…
6 reasons WHY a man might text rather than call more
- It’s crazy-easy, not to mention inexpensive.
- He figures “Everybody does it, it must be okay.”
- He doesn’t want to mess things up, and texting seems simpler.
- He’s copying other women. (yuck)
- He doesn’t know it bothers you.
- He’s already getting enough higher-level social interaction.
The #1 thing you can do to get him to call more
Talk to him! Let him know (in person works best, obviously 🙂 ) how a phone call from him makes you feel wonderful. Tell him you love when his ring tone plays on your mobile. Explain that it’s just one step away from having him there, next to you, and what an electric thrill that gives you…
Truly, your man WANTS to know the secret to making you feel great. And he wants to be the one with THAT power in his hands…
Texting is an awesome — even sexy! — tool in any jet-fueled romance (and EVEN MORE in a win-him-back scenario, scroll down to the end of the article!), but phone communications are also important..
4 great reasons why calling can be SO much better than a text message…
If you need more help convincing your boyfriend to call more and text less, here are 4 great ways a simple phone conversation can trump texting. Communicate a few of these either in your conversations with him, or by using the “What you can do” suggestions below each one…
1. There are fewer opportunities for misunderstanding with a phone call
Subtleties just don’t come across in a short message by text. The same is even true for email.
What you can do:
- Be somewhat forgetful with your phone when you’re around him. Don’t keep it out on the table when you’re on a date. Leave it on mute as much as you can. Demonstrate the value you place on face-to-face interaction with him.
- Don’t respond instantly, or at length, to his texts. Instead, call him after the text has had a little bit of time to cool and wait around on you…
2. A call can feel more intimate than a text message
There’s just something to hearing another human’s voice directly in your ear. Done well, a phone call can be almost as sexy as a whisper from the man you love.
What you can do:
- Reward him by making your calls feel pleasurable to him!
3. Calling (or face to face) is better for sharing serious or important news
An “I’m sorry” is much easier, and means less, via text message than it does when you can actually hear your lover’s voice. A phone call lets you decode more information, like tone and inflection, so that communication is much clearer.
What you can do:
- When you know there’s important news coming (he’s waiting to hear back about that job interview, or he’s just about to compete in his first 10k, etc), be sure to tell him “Call me and let me know!”
- In addition, you model the habit. When there’s big news for you, dial his number.
4. A phone call takes place in real time, in real life
Have you ever had a text message ping in way past the time when it would have been just perfect to hear? Woops, party’s already over; not sure why the message didn’t get to you!
In addition, a phone call lets the other person know you’re important enough to make time for, right now.
What you can do:
- Don’t make texting your own default way of communication, and mention your regrets about his own texts that you didn’t see in time to take advantage of them.
The nuclear option
I know one or two women who have decided that a man who would prefer to text rather than call is just not going to work out in their world.
They’ll give a guy a few texts, but then they stop replying via message entirely. And if he shows he’s simply not willing to phone, even after they’ve explained why it’s important, well… these ladies move on. For them it’s a dealbreaker.
I’m less hard-line about it myself. (You can see a post and a video I published on Digital Romance about this here.)
Learn each other’s rhythm for connection as you progress in your relationship. Keep ALL lines of communication open. Look for the ways your boyfriend or partner communicates best, and build on those.
Texting is only one small part of a much bigger picture, and you get a full say in how your connection evolves.
Keep texting in your “love and romance” toolbelt!
If you want to get your ex boyfriend to come crawling back to you on his knees (no matter why you broke up and even if he’s with some other girl now), you need to watch this video right away…
This video teaches you the REAL reason you’ve failed to get your ex boyfriend to come back to you so far… And you’ll learn how to use tiny little text messages to create an obsession in his mind where he’ll do anything to be with you again (no matter how bad things were before.)
You’ve probably heard of Mike Fiore because he’s kind of a celebrity. He’s been on The Rachael Ray Show, was in a bunch of newspapers and magazines and is the absolute authority when it comes to showing you how to use this texting thing to crawl into a man’s mind.
If you’re even a LITTLE interested in getting your ex boyfriend back, you’ve got to watch this now!