Sometimes it just doesn’t click between the two of you. It’s a fact of life and love and relationships… But then you’re faced with a problem.
How do you let him know you’re not interested, without being ugly or unkind?
It’s no fun, breaking up with a guy, but it’s also part of being a grown woman. And with a good script, it doesn’t even have to be very difficult…
“Claire, If you’ve used an online dating service, and after a first date with someone who was nice but whom you’re uninterested/attracted to, what is the polite way to let them know? A text, saying what? Are you obligated to say anything after one date? I don’t want to be rude or have karma return the favor.
I asked friends and I got,”If it’s only been one date, you can just ignore them,” which felt unkind and I wasn’t thinking I’d like to be ignored if it was me. I also heard to “Tell them you’re taking a break from dating, delete their profile so they can’t tell your profile is still open and block their number so you don’t hear from them again,” which seemed excessive!
I just started dating again after a long relationship, and going out now regularly and this part of dating (figuring out how to decline a second date) is giving me quite a bit of anxiety.” – Jillian
Hi, Jillian. If you’ve only had one date, I think it’s fine to simply decline another next date; most guys will get the drift.
But if you do feel like you need to get a persistent caller off your list, use one of the simple scripts below to let him know you’re not interested.
But first, 2 quick notes on what form of communication is most appropriate for your break up moment…
Choose the RIGHT method for your break-up communication
1. Text message or email (only 1 or 2 dates)
It’s okay to do this by text or email if you’re still relatively early in the relationship; it’s informal, and allows the other person some privacy and dignity.
2. Face to face (after 3 or more dates)
In addition, if you think there will be drama, you might want to do it in a public place that still has some privacy (a park works great) AND have a clear exit plan in place. You can say, “I’m due to meet a friend,” or “I have a class/meeting I have to get to.”
The whole thing shouldn’t take more than 20 minutes – and the sooner it’s over with, the sooner both of you can begin to feel better.
9 ways to let him know you’re not interested
Mix and match and get the words that work best for you…
“You’re a wonderful man, but I don’t think we’re the right match.”
“I like you a lot, but I don’t think we’d make a good couple.”
“I had a good time going out the other night, but I don’t think we really clicked.”
“Thanks for an enjoyable evening, but I just don’t think we’re a good match. Best of luck!”
“I have enjoyed our date(s), but the chemistry isn’t there for me.”
“I’ve had fun going out with you, but I don’t think we’re really compatible.”
“Last week was really enjoyable, but I don’t think we’re a great match. I’m going to start seeing some other guys now.”
“I had a great date, thanks, but I don’t feel we are compatible for the long term.”
“I just wanted to be up front and let you know that I have had a really good time hanging out, but I don’t see us as more than friends.”
A great thing to add to your script
Use the words you pick out, and at the end, you can clarify with this statement, which explains why you’re doing this…
“I think it’s best to break things off cleanly.”
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What you absolutely should NOT say…
Please for the love of all that’s good in the world, don’t resort to inventing terrible excuses or wild lies; this just complicates things. And it can end up biting you in your (very lovely) butt, too…
- Don’t tell him “I’m already in a relationship” if you’re not.
- Don’t tell him “I’m just not ready for a relationship” if that’s not true.
- Don’t tell him “It’s not you, it’s me.” Because it’s both of you.
- Don’t give him a monster laundry list of all the “problems” with the match.
You got this, girlfriend
Now go out and politely tell him you’re not interested so you can both move forward to better, more beautiful things!