Yes, a bad breakup can be healed. You can even go from friends with benefits to serious girlfriend again.
But should you? Here’s how to know if you should try to restore a broken relationship, and if so, what steps to take to win his interest back and change from FWB to girlfriend (again!)…
Can You Convert “Sex With My Ex” into “Real Relationship”?
Claire, me and my ex broke up a few months ago after a huge argument. Since then he’s moved away to work. During this time he has wanted to be friends with benefits. He said he still loves me but we can’t get back together because his family would disown him. How can I make him realize that another chance at a relationship with me will work this time and that we can he happy again together? – Eva
Hey Eva, thanks for writing.
I’m seeing a giant red flag here:
When a guy tells you outright that he does NOT want to be your boyfriend again, you should listen to him. Your ex didn’t say it exactly like that because he’s being a chump, and passing the “blame” off on his family.
But that’s essentially what he has said.
And that’s a great reason to seriously question whether this is the man for you. So before we talk about moving from FWB to girlfriend again, here are 3 huge questions to ask yourself…
- Question 1: Think about the reasons the two of you broke up originally. How have those issues been successfully resolved?
- Question 2: What qualities do you see in him now (that you didn’t see before you broke up) that make you think he’s the man for you?
- Question 3: Is there something within you that is attracted to a man who has told you (in a pretty crappy way) that he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend? Do a little poking around inside your heart and see what you can learn…
If this doesn’t give you some immediate clarity on your situation, take my quick 6-question quiz to find out if he’s really worth it.
And if you STILL want to move ahead with a plan to reconnect, here are the steps to take.
FWB to Girlfriend Step 1. Change the pattern
You didn’t say, but I’m assuming the friends with benefits arrangement has been in place since you two broke up. You need to interrupt that pattern in order to get his attention again.
Let your own schedule take priority so that he’s not always able to get whatever he wants (i.e., sex) whenever he wants it with you.
Wait a while before responding to his texts or voicemails. Make it clear that HE is not the center of your world; YOU are.
FWB to Girlfriend Step 2. Kickstart your dating life
In case you’re NOT already dating other guys, start. Go out. Have a blast. Be public about your enjoyment of these life and dating adventures.
FWB to Girlfriend Step 3. Make him a little anxious
When he puts out the booty call, tell him you’re out with another “guy friend”, or have plans with someone for a “special night”. Let it be clear that you live a full, interesting, and passionate life…which includes other men.
When he starts to ask “Who are you with?” and “Where are you going?” you know you’ve started to arouse his interest and get him a little bothered over you. Enjoy that feeling!
FWB to Girlfriend Step 4. Love yourself more than you love him
You gotta want a man, but not need a man. A confident woman who is completely fulfilled in herself and who isn’t desperate or needy is very attractive!
FWB to Girlfriend Step 5. Slowly draw him in
Allow him to see you SOMETIMES, on your own terms, and at places you choose. These should be REAL dates, not appointments to steam up the windows in his pickup truck at Lookout Point, or “watch TV” in his bedroom.
Up to now he’s been in complete control, so expect resistance. If you really want him to move from “sex with ex” to “boyfriend/girlfriend” then you’ll stand firm.
You deserve to have the relationship you dream of and are working toward.
If your ex doesn’t get with your program, you should free yourself up so that the man who will make you his forever love can have a chance. 🙂
Try this weird little “Instant CRUSH” experiment…
Step 1 – Choose a man. Any man.
It could be a man you’ve been eyeing for a while, or it could be someone you’re already with. Maybe even someone who left or rejected you in the past.
Step 2 – Use this weird but terribly effective “Secret Formula” on him and then just wait…
But as he goes about his day, this simple formula will work its magic in the back of his mind to create a whole bunch of new ideas and
feelings . . . feelings more intense than anything he’s felt before.
Then suddenly, without warning, he’ll find his attention and energy magnetically drawn to thoughts about YOU…