I Need Your Advice

Okay, gorgeous. Here’s the email I told you about. I have not edited it at all (although I did change his name).

Here’s your chance to tell one deeply-in-love man EXACTLY how a woman needs to “hear” how beautiful she is to him…

Leave your advice in the comment section below!

My question for Claire: HTF do I properly and completely tell the woman who hates her body that I find her the most incredible “find” that I have ever made. I have been divorced twice and, after giving her a ring, and proposing marriage, she is OK with us just living together. I understand her unwillingness, since she has also divorced, and she is ten years my senior, but she is the MOST caring, giving, and loving person that I have ever known. I LOVE her beyond words. ย — Brandon

After I have a chance to gather all your advice, I’ll put together a post for Brandon and publish it on the website.

Thanks for contributing!

xoxo Claire

41 Responses to I Need Your Advice

  1. Rachel March 24, 2015 at 10:19 am #

    Tell her which parts of her body you find sexy and why. Look into her eyes when you tell her so she knows how serious you are. Write love notes to her about her body but don’t make it sounds like you are just trying to get her into bed. I understand you’re living together but there are times when a man says one thing and means it to heartfelt and sincere it comes across as a completely different way to a woman. So choose your words wisely.
    This coming from someone who has been married for 15 yrs and is STILL working on the whole communication thing with her husband!!

    • virginia March 25, 2015 at 12:36 am #

      always repeat the parts of her body are beautiful…kiss & caress each part. eventually, she may come to believe you as i finally did with my friend. slowly i was convinced that he did really think i was beautiful. he was the only one i wanted to see me that way.

  2. Gwen March 24, 2015 at 10:23 am #

    Well,
    There seem to be three separate issues here.

    1. Her body issues.
    For me, doing triathlon did wonders for my self esteem. Find a sport she loves and encourage her to do it. The self esteem will come as a side result.

    2. Communication. For me, direct communication works fine! Just tell her exactly what you wrote to Claire.

    3. Her unwillingness to marry. I think the trick is to inspire her to do it. Tell her WHY you think it would be awesome to get married and paint a beautiful picture in her head.

    Lycka till!

  3. Stacy March 24, 2015 at 10:23 am #

    Certainly don’t tell her it is for her body if that is an area of insecurity for her or she will feel you are insincere. Sounds like you find her a good catch, maybe she doesn’t find you to be equal. What are you bringing to the relationship? Do you want her for her ability to take care or you and that is what you expect? Maybe she was financially burned in the past but would consider a prenup. Maybe she is anxious about the lower likelihood of success given a history of 4 divorces between the two of you and doesn’t need another “failure” on her shoulders. Show her you love her by learning to understand her and be patient. Tell her you love her for who she is, not just for what she does for you or how “hot” she is.

  4. Lily March 24, 2015 at 10:25 am #

    He needs to look her in the eyes and tell her that she is beautiful and that he loves every inch of her body.
    I am in the process of losing weight and thought that I could not have a guy that I wanted until I was thin, but I have found that there are many men who find me beautiful and sexy regardless of my weight. When one of them told me that he loves every inch of my body, while admiring my naked body, that was really the best compliment I have received in a long time. He would also never let me cover up, telling me that he needed to see all of my beautiful body. And he would compliment every part of my body, my calves, thighs, etc.
    So I would tell him to keep admiring, adoring and complimenting his woman.

  5. CC March 24, 2015 at 10:26 am #

    I would start by finding out what her love language is and demonstrating via her love language how much you love her and how special she is to you. Taking time to touch, look into her eyes, caress, even for a brief moment will make any woman feel special. Hopefully the more often you make her feel special, the more accepting she will become of your love and attention.However, you cannot give her self-esteem or self-confidence, she has to develop that on her own.

  6. Susan March 24, 2015 at 10:26 am #

    If she hates her body, telling her that you think she is sexy, and you love her body is something you will have to repeated do. I know that sounds wrong, but she’s had probably years, especially if she is older than you, to have her mindset on how she views her body. Just telling her once won’t sink in for her.

    If you don’t do this already, make love to her with the lights on……telling her what you love about her body as you caress, kiss, etc…….

    But, yes, men and women communicate differently, so you do need to choose your words wisely, as you could mean one thing, and she might take it in a totally different direction…..

  7. Debbi March 24, 2015 at 10:27 am #

    It’s no good just telling this woman that you think she is beautiful, you also need to show her.
    Yes, she needs to hear the compliments, but she’s probably heard them all before, what she needs now are actions to back them up.
    Don’t just tell her in private, make sure you tell her how beautiful she is when other people are around. Hold her hand in public, kiss her on her forehead in front of your friends.
    It’s one thing telling her you love her, but she will only believe it when you tell and show the world too.
    It’s easy to lie to one person, but would you lie to everyone in your life? Probably not.
    Good luck. I hope you both find the live and happiness you want

    • Kristin March 24, 2015 at 5:57 pm #

      I agree with Debbie and Michelle. Building her up in front of people would make any girl swoon. Make her feel like she is the only girl in the world. Dote on her. Compliment her. Just be sweet.

  8. nancy March 24, 2015 at 10:40 am #

    I have had a low esteem most of my life and I’m definitely no spring chick here. While the words are nice, actions speak so much louder.
    Just a touch or a hug any time my man is near me or passing me (just a touch) lifts me up higher than any words ever could. Displays of affection in public are definitely a big plus (I don’t mean hanging all over each other). I need constant reassurance even now that my self esteem has risen greatly.

  9. Ayesha March 24, 2015 at 10:46 am #

    I think that if she hates her body thats something that perhaps he cant fix for her, she has to develop self acceptance for herself, as it sounds like he has already told he is ok with her but it doesnt seem to help. Perhaps he should focus on the things she likes to about herself to help her build her self esteem. Also the fact that she doesnt want to get married is a bit surprising, doesnt seem like she is thinking long term commitment.

  10. Kitty March 24, 2015 at 10:51 am #

    I have to agree with my colleagues who have already answered. I am one who needs to hear that I’m beautiful, but I also need to know it’s sincere. Brandon, tell her exactly what you said to Claire. Look her in the eyes and tell her. At every opportunity. And, show her how proud you are to be seen in public with her. Be proud to introduce her to people. She will feel that. Tell her what a treasure she is. We all just want to be cherished and treasured.

  11. Kristi March 24, 2015 at 10:54 am #

    So I think there are many excellent points raised above in the feedback to Brandon. It is very hard to comment on a relationship when you don’t know the people involved. Here are my thoughts:
    1. The issues she has with her body are hers. She has an idea (probably a carryover from other relationships) that she is not attractive. Maybe a previous relationship dissolved through infidelity and she was blamed because of weight? Just guessing, but if that is true, no amount of ‘telling’ her she is beautiful will change that. That is her issue. Just as the infidelity or betrayal was not her issue, but the narcissistic issue of a selfish partner, who hurt her badly and blamed her for his weaknesses. She needs to come to a place in her heart that says: I am OK just as I am. I take care of myself, I look pretty, and my body type is what it is. I will lose weight for myself IF I choose to… not for anyone else. It is not your job to convince her Brandon that she is beautiful. By all means tell her and if she still resists, you can agree to disagree with her self perceptions and continue to show her in other ways. Actions speak louder than words.
    2. The thought occurs to me that there might be deeper issues – touched on above. WHY doesn’t she feel safe enough to trust you? Don’t you count enough in her view? I would wonder why that doesn’t matter to you more. Do you have self esteem issues as well? You ARE good enough to be trusted. That shows in your letter. Are you setting yourself up to be hurt? Is the chase THAT important? Don’t ever settle for someone who isn’t as crazy about you as you are about them. Life is way too short to settle.
    3. At the end of the day we can never really love someone else if we don’t love ourselves first. After the money, the looks and the bodies go to pot, all that’s left are hearts. Do you love her heart enough to stick this one out to the end? Does she love yours enough? Only you know the answers to this. So stop trying to make her love herself…. you can love someone, but you can never ‘fix’ them. Only they can do that.

    • Martha March 24, 2015 at 1:30 pm #

      I agree with Kristi. There are several issues at hand. Her body issues are her problem and he can assist her in improving it but its her work to do. I went through a painful divorce and can’t imagine wanting to ever be financially and legally bound to someone. I had known my husband for five years and was 35 years old so I wasn’t particularly naive when I chose to marry him. I didn’t see the negative things ahead of time. Everyone including my family liked and respected him. I will never be able to trust my own ability to know about a man enough to take that risk again. I think her lack of interest in tying the knot isn’t about him, it’s within her.

  12. Irene March 24, 2015 at 10:55 am #

    I’m not sure what Brandon is really wanting, but it sounds like he wants her to marry him and he thinks she isn’t because she doesn’t recognize how much she means to him. My guess is that her reluctance is a separate issue.

    But if the question is – how do I communicate how much she means to me and how to make her feel it? – then it’s not words, it’s actions (action speaks louder than words!). To me, it’s that look in your eyes. You can’t fake something like that. When you’re with her, focus on looking into her eyes. When others come into a room, don’t look away.

    It’s the touches. Subtle touches, hugs, light kiss on the forehead at random times. These all indicate you’re thinking of her and you care.

    Your actions have to match the words you’ve been saying; every day, every hour, every minute.

  13. Zoe March 24, 2015 at 10:56 am #

    I agree with nancy – actions speak louder that words. This is my motto. He needs to show her he loves her, it is the little things that make a difference. Do things without being asked. Show the world you love her too.
    I understand her not wanting to get married. After going though 2 divorces myself I too, do not want to get married again, but that does not mean I will love my partner any less. After all once you live together for the most part you are “married”.

  14. Michelle March 24, 2015 at 11:11 am #

    I agree with Debbi. Public displays can do wonders for a woman’s self esteem. Not grand or lewd pda’s mind you, but holding her hand in front of other people, smiling when you are looking in her eyes, not noticing the woman with the huge knockers that just walked by, those things matter. If you have a Facebook page, share a romantic post and say “Linda, I love you” at the top of it. Not all the time, but this let’s her know that you are telling the world. I would actually refrain from calling her sexy because she won’t believe you if she had body image issues. Rather, call her beautiful at least 3 times a day, and make one of those times when she first wakes up. Run your hands over her clothed body when she is standing in the kitchen making coffee. tell her “I love that outfit on you”. Tell her you love every square inch of her. and finally, and this is a big one, take your time when you are making love to her. Run your hands all over her body before you head straight to her beasts or the “v”. Look at her whole naked body and smile with a stupid “I am sunk” grin on your face. Whisper “so beautiful” as if to yourself while you are looking at her. This let’s her know that you don’t just find her sex parts sexy, but her whole being. quickies have their time and place, but the majority of it you need to take it slower. Believe it or not but for a lot of women, especially older ones, the buildup to the “o” is just as if not more important than the actual “o” and a good buildup does wonders for our self eateem.

  15. Belcy March 24, 2015 at 11:39 am #

    Out of the above, very good inputs, one really resonates with me. And thats Kristen’s.
    For some ont to feel ugly and not take compliments goes deeper than what we are looking at. how was her childhood? How was her father/daughter reslationship. What happened with other relationship? Any negative carryovers??? ONLY she knows! It takes a lifetime if when willing to get over negative comments from loved ones or the ones that professed to love you. She sounds just like me! But i can loudly say now that i am healed! I made up my mind that no matter what is being said, have been said or currently being said wil go in one ear and out the other. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO MAKE ME SAD, UNWANTED, UNFULFILLED, A NEGATIVE PART OF A SICK MIND. All that matters is what i think of me. The reasons we have low self esteems is tied mainly to loved ones gone wrong. Telling her anything may not work. But pulling her towards someone SHE admires and adores can help letting the words sink in and be heard. Good luck Brandon, may journey towards her wholeness be met with success at every turn.

  16. Tamara March 24, 2015 at 11:47 am #

    Repeat to her every day how gorgeous she is, when you go out in public, touch and compliment her. Give only her your attention. Tell her how amazingly lucky you feel to be with her and that you are in awe of her body, spirit and mind. Always make her feel she is the only one for you, eventually she will lose her insecurities and see what you see. Trust me, it works. I lived eight years with a man and I never really let him see my body. Later in life I was with a man that treated me as I’ve described above and before I knew it I began taking baths with him and walking around nude .

  17. Moni March 24, 2015 at 12:07 pm #

    I completely agree with Kristi. She hit the nail on the head. If she doesn’t love herself, he can’t fix that. If she doesn’t love herself and she sees her body in a negative light, it’s up to her to do something about both of those. I have to bring up the age difference also, but not in a negative way. I tend to date men about 10 years younger than myself and am in a relationship now with a man I love deeply. I have no issues with self esteem or confidence but I will admit that I think about the future when that ten year gap widens. She could be thinking the same thing and if that’s the case, nothing Brandon does will change or lessen that gap. Since she doesn’t love her body, I’m sure she thinks about younger women’s bodies and compares the two when she shouldn’t. It sounds like Brandon is doing all he can….it’s now up to her to learn to love herself and also accept the fact that he loves her. She needs to build her self esteem and confidence to the point that she accepts his view and his love of her.

  18. sherrie March 24, 2015 at 12:09 pm #

    As we age (10 years yr senior), our priorities change. Being told we are hot is nice, but we seek a deeper connection. Being older, uppermost is respect, and appreciated. Tell her why she is so special to you. Then show her in little ways. If you cant tell her, text it, during the day. A short thinking of you goes a long way. Remember her favorite candy bar? Bring her one, on your way home. We dont need huge shows of affection, cause then we will think, ok what did you do? Or he only wants sex from me. Please dont make that mistake. Value her opionion, value her contributions outside of the bedroom, value her as person, and tell her. If she has had a recent accomplishment then tell her how proud you are. Dont diminish her accomplishments, please dont make that mistake either. By recognizing those things, you add value to her, and yourself, In her eyes. The one we love, we value their opinion of us. Not just our body, as her self esteem rises, so will her body Image. It really Isnt that hard to do. If you become aware of the other things you both share, outside of the bedroom. The things that you value, then will become more valuable. No one can tell you what they are you have to care enough to find out.

  19. Shaaron March 24, 2015 at 12:46 pm #

    Hi, Brandon!
    I am an “older” woman with a LOT of body image problems, but recently found a man who has been fabulous in overlooking them all. One thing he does that has never happened before: he makes sure to touch me anywhere, everywhere, in our out of public, but especially, when making love, to run his hands over any part of my body that he KNOWS I feel ugly about, re: my stomach which bears stretch marks and the utter horrors from child-bearing.
    He touches; he caresses. He tells me repeatedly those parts of my body (which are everything!) that he adores and finds sexy.
    His constant re-affirmations and TOUCHING have freed me up from hiding my body from him. I can parade around naked with abandon. Cellulite on the thighs? No problem. He asks me to wear short skirts to show it ALL off. Breasts that are no longer in their prime? No problem. He dotes on them, and tells me over and over and over how gorgeous they are.

    I concur with so many of the other women who wrote in, that constant repetition of loving it ALL will eventually get the message through. And eye contact? Absolutely a must. I can see in his eyes, the window of his soul, and his love for my body and me shine like a beacon.

    I assume you have a lovely young woman who is a delight to behold. Don’t allow her to “go there” if she begins to compare herself with other beautiful women. Do it by your actions, not your words. You can try talking a woman to death about the way she feels about herself, and it won’t do much good, or may take a long time to convince her if she has been criticized in the past or put down or never felt admired. Buy her lovely lingerie or clothes that YOU know she will love, but that YOU know will enhance her beauty.
    Is it her entire body? Is she overweight? Do like the Mexican men do: a big woman walks by? They say “Oh, an angel has just passed! HIT me!” and then they just oogle her. They spin in their paths. They know how to appreciate a woman, no matter what she may look like. Just keep appreciating that girl of yours. And touch her, touch her, touch her.

  20. Em March 24, 2015 at 12:47 pm #

    He could passively tell her he finds her body type attractive by pointing out he’s not attracted to the stereotypical Barbie doll type. For example: if they’re driving and notice a super thin model type running he could say something like, “someone should feed that girl before she blows away in the wind.” Or whatever her body image insecurity is…
    But it sort of sounds like the real issue here is her not wanting to marry. Which most likely has nothing to do with her body insecurities. That’s more of an emotional insecurity. She afraid of another failed marriage and broken heart.

  21. Julie March 24, 2015 at 12:48 pm #

    I have this same issue and I believe just being consistent in telling her you love her and how much you appreciate her doing this, this and this….
    I do not believe any one person can make one feel good about their appearance they have to work on this area themselves.
    Because encouraging one with self esteem issues to maybe go to the gym or anything like that they just begin all the self doubting over again.
    Maybe try to find a hobby you can enjoy together that will incorporate exercising (bike riding, walks, jogging)

  22. Kay March 24, 2015 at 2:14 pm #

    I understand the issues she has with her body… but she needs to know that she is the ‘total woman’ for you. Tell her, show her, love her… open up and as a MAN let her know how she impacts your life as a WOMAN. She probably has more than one insecurity in play and if she is older than you, her age may be one of them. You need to address the total of her – she is most likely been picked apart by others, so only addressing a part or two will not communicate to her how you see the total woman she is. You need to be a very secure man to do this effectively because one wrong word or phrase or action will registrar as ‘false’ to her. Open up and show her, tell her WHY as a man you find her to be the the very best woman for you. Show her a future the pair of you can share and be happy in. You both have been wounded – show your scars without shame and help each other to fully heal. .

  23. Loris March 24, 2015 at 3:40 pm #

    I have same insecurities but with my face, I believe I’m not beautiful. No words in the world would convince me otherwise, a compliment only works one day, because the other day a bathroom mirror will show me something ugly again and I will be seeking approval again , I would tell myself ” ok he said i was beatiful yesterday, but I really looked good. What about this morning? He will certainly won’t like it if he happen to see me right now” and so on so on.. Then one day my husband just got fed up with it and told me yes, you are the most old and ugly woman I ever met, really you look bad, I’m more beautiful than you. I kind of hmmm, and my reaction was, like, what’s that he means, of course I’m beautiful! From there on we changed roles, and I’m convincing him that im most beautiful in the world. ))))). But deep down I feel ugly anyway, it is a bottomless pit no one will be able fill up to the top.. (((

  24. Colleen March 24, 2015 at 4:47 pm #

    Wow, so much information here ๐Ÿ™‚
    When it comes to body love some of us are fighting an uphill battle , her exs may have blamed her looks for the end of the relationship, she may come from a childhood home where she was teased and bullied about her appearance or even suffered abuse for looking “good”
    This could be a very deep seated issue for her
    Clearly you love her for more than her body , so don’t compliment her on just her appearance ….. She needs to hear that she’s beautiful, but she also needs to hear that she’s an amazing woman too
    Make her feel beautiful – if you check her out, let her catch you doing it ( this sounds a bit wrong but bear with me … Look away like you’ve just been busted when she catches you admiring her , like it’s a guilty pleasure – the way you would have when you started dating )
    When you pass her in the hall, touch her …. Stroke her arm affectionately or brush the hair from her cheek
    Steal kisses if you can – it will make her feel irresistible, and feeling desired can make a woman feel beautiful
    Dote on her, if she’s doing the dishes come in, hug her from behind nuzzle her neck then take her hands out of the water dry them and tell her someone so precious needs time to herself , finish the dishes for her

    If she is older than you there could be disbelief involved- men go for younger women is a widely held belief
    She may be afraid that as she ages she will become less attractive to you and that being younger you’ll have young beautiful women falling over themselves chasing you – I am younger than my partner but consider him much more attractive than myself and working as a security guard he is surrounded often by much younger more attractive women than me ….. It’s not a nice train of thought and it’s not really about him- it’s my insecurity playing up
    I would suggest hand holding in public or walking arm in arm – be proud of this woman , show her off a little but make sure she feels you claiming her
    Security in a relationship is a separate issue to feeling insecure in yourself
    Give her every reason to feel you want her specifically and she will blossom

    On a side not she may want to try belly dancing ….. For myself it gives me body confidence I’ve never had , I feel good about being a woman and I feel sensual ๐Ÿ™‚
    It celebrates being a woman and it’s something a lot of women miss out on

    I hope something in here helps
    Good luck Brandon ๐Ÿ™‚

  25. Annette March 24, 2015 at 5:17 pm #

    When my husband and I first got together he made a poem out of my name that explained all the exciting ways he enjoyed being with me. It’s one of the things I love about him. The creative ways he finds to let me know he loves and wants to be with me. Your woman’s body issues are hers, not yours, and you can’t fix them.when a woman develops these issues she has compared herself to others and found herself not equal to. My suggestion, emotionally build up her strengths and abilities. Something like this, it blows me away when you give so much of your time and energy to…..it must make you feel….i love that about you and want to be more like that myself.As for her marriage issues, unfortunately, you can’t fix those either. What you can do is inspire her to see herself as you see her, through actions and words. Women’s fall in love with the little things. When my husband notices an attractive woman, he looks (it’s what men do) then he tells me something about myself he finds attractive like how my legs are just the right length to wrap around him completely. As long as you both shall live doesn’t have to be a legal agreement. You live as though married…continue acting as married and I’m sure one day you will be.
    I hope you find the answers you seek. Best of luck!

  26. Liz March 24, 2015 at 5:51 pm #

    Most women have body issues, especially if older than your man, insecurities do pop up. Keep making her feel secure, towards her as the fantastic person she is and how you love her for who and what she is “the whole package” beauty is within.
    Living together is still a commitment to each other, after being married a couple of times, it isn’t always a important to some, especially if the couple have children in previous marriages. .
    If marriage is so important to you, explain why you value marriage so much.
    Good luck and keep loving and making her feel secure by telling her how you feel, from the heart.

  27. Pat March 24, 2015 at 6:14 pm #

    Since she is ten years older and has body image issues she may be worried that one day he will think she is too old for him.

    If her love language is words of affirmation she will love to hear that you love her body and think she is a find.

    If it is receii g gifts – give her flowers or a small gift and tell her their beauty does not compare to what you think of her body.

    Maybe you can give her a massage and tell her how you honk ae is a find. Or even write her a note or letter. Or find her a card. It may take her awhile but eventually she will beliwvenyou if your actions anth your words.

  28. Peppi March 24, 2015 at 7:41 pm #

    If she is self-conscious about her looks, compliment on her beauty–of soul. That gets better with experience. Tell her you like the SOFTNESS of her skin. Compare her wisdom and inner beauty as growing greater and more valued. Touch her (not groping but touching) frequently and with tenderness. Make it almost unconscious. Tell her how thankful you are to be near her.
    And if she doesn’t want to marry you legally tell her that is OK. Ask if she would mind holding a commitment ceremony so you can have the privilege of standing up in front of all your and her family and friends to proclaim to all how important, special and blessed you are being able to love her. She need never fear marriage because you shall court her forever. Be her beau, protector, lover, friend, confidant. That doesn’t require legal papers or a license. She won’t have to change her name if she doesn’t want to. She won’t lose her life long identity, just acquire a lifetime best friend and lover. She knows that some people think a marriage license is a deed of ownership. She may have experience showing her that marriage is the end of courtesy, effort, courtship and wooing. Finally ask her if you are her best friend. If she says “Yes.” Then ask her to trust your friendship, she really wants to marry you… It worked for me and for over 29 years I was happily married to a man I had turned down three times. Of course, every anniversary I had to tell him he had been right and I was wrong. I really did want to marry him. I just didn’t know it.

  29. gertie March 24, 2015 at 10:06 pm #

    Hi Claire and Brandon,

    Thankyou for sharing the letter, Clare, Brandon sounds like a lovely gentleman that is very hooked on a gorgeous lady which is beautiful.
    There are only two things a woman needs to know that her man is there for her completely:
    1. told & shown FREQUENTLY that she is LOVED…
    2.to be shown OFTEN that she is SPECIAL AND APPRECIATED.
    That is the way to a woman’s heart totally and fully. So CONSISTENCY (not creating a pattern, for example buy her the same bunch of flowers on a friday for the next 20yrs), not things done because of habit, have fun with the challenge of finding new ways to SHOW her she is loved, appreciated, cherished, treasured. Again, Inventing new ways and CONSISTENCY of actions is going to be your best friend here.
    These things can be done privately, publicly in simple ways, in quirky ways, in romantic ways. Anything that makes her smile when she thinks of these txts, holding hands, kissing her on the back of her neck while she is doing the washing up, little notes, nice flowers..and you have WANT to be this person for her.
    Brandon,YOU cannot change the way she feels about herself/ marriage, YOU can only change and be responsible for your behaviour. The lovely lady will change when she sees your actions over time are consistent and fun, this is not a quick fix, BUT it will make both of you feel great, about yourselves and each other. You will be in sync and working together towards something special..

  30. Cyndi March 24, 2015 at 10:27 pm #

    The words and actions needed for her to truly feel your love must come from your heart. Only you will be able to know what the right words or actions are. You need to delve deep inside your heart, only then will you know what will capture her commitment.

    Women value the thought behind the action much more than the action itself.

  31. Ida March 25, 2015 at 12:10 am #

    Brandon,
    Congratulation for finding the woman of your dreams!
    I’m sure you have told her how much you love her body, the feel, the smell, the taste, how every embrace makes you feel amazing.
    But have you told her about her spirt? Her mind? Women want to feel loved for their whole being. Tell her how she brings peace to your heart and calm to your home.
    And make sure you bring calm, courage and security to hers.
    Then, step back.
    Give her room to come to you.

    Wishing you much success!

  32. Kate March 25, 2015 at 1:23 am #

    Continue to tell her what you find attractive about her. Share your feelings whatever they are. Ultimately it is not up to her how you feel about her.

  33. Manda March 25, 2015 at 8:28 am #

    I can see myself struggling with the same insecurities. No matter how many times I am told how beautiful, smart, kind, generous, thoughtful, helpful, wonderful, my internal self worth battle would quickly surface. Slowly, at 41 I discovered how much I never believed or loved myself. Until I really loved myself my wonderful man might as well been in a relationship with an Inanimate object. I read an assortment of books regarding codependency, self love, and my favorite Claire Casey’s vast reference web material and books. To sum it up, I based my self worth on fulfilling for everyone else’s needs but never felt I deserved to fulfill my own. I didn’t love myself and would out others always before me. I didn’t others would like me even if I didn’t do something for them to earn their friendship. I love to give gifts !! Not a bad thing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I hope and wish the best for your wonderful new love we all deserve to experience life and love!!!!!

    You might talk to her about father and understand how they related growing up. I see (not blaming my dad) that my Dad wanted me to do what he wanted and never really spent much time getting to know me and who I wanted to be. I adore my dad and he is a wonderful man. He worked so hard to support the family. He didn’t spend much time at home. He is turning 75 this year and still works 60 plus hours a week with my mother (with dementia) in tow with him. He does not stop and him not stopping to enjoy time with mom kinda was the proof I needed. We recently found many things to talk about and I can say it’s awesome. However this same treatment growing up stunted my maturity and understanding about self love.

  34. Alison March 25, 2015 at 8:43 am #

    Hi Brandon,

    This is so simple, but worked miracles for me. My body image problem is my belly. I work out seriously (with my boyfriend,) so he knows how much effort I’ve put into fitness, but I have a stubborn “pouch” that nothing seems to touch. I’ve thought about correcting it surgically for my own confidence (and not being self-conscious due to body image issues,) but haven’t been able to afford being out for the recovery time. During intimacy, I was always wanting to cover it up or be in positions where it couldn’t be seen, and finally one day when we were just lying there touching and talking with full exposure under the light, he sat and just caressed my belly over and over and told me to stop it – that I’m beautiful and he loves every part of me. Since then he’s been going out of his way to caress me exactly where I’m self-conscious in loving moments and I’ve started to believe him – that it really doesn’t matter to him – in fact he could actually embrace it as something beautiful about me and that he loves me the way I am. People are so prejudiced about that particular part of the body, it was hard to internalize that I could be accepted anyway if that was “known” or “seen” about me. For me, him making a point of touching me often exactly there, rather than complimenting me on other body parts or characteristics that “make up for it” did the trick.

  35. anica March 25, 2015 at 6:34 pm #

    o, my wonderful friend, I does not matter how much u praise her…and I am sure she is beautiful…until she believes it and truly loves herself…no amount of praising will help…
    the advice given is amazing…but take it from someone who’s gone through this…they are just words…that fall flat…I had a lot of growing to do…I’m there …
    bottom line she needs to love herself…but please keep up the great praising it may sink in…blessings

  36. Helge March 28, 2015 at 5:08 am #

    I would recommend: give her time. Don`t put too much pressure on her. It`s absolutely beautiful that you love her so much but she also needs to love herself. So be patient and just be there to support her. And don`t forget: you are precious too! So try to keep some healthy distance in case she will hurt you since she doesn t understand why you love her in the first place. So good luck to you, you certainly deserve to be loved as much as you give love.

  37. Belle March 31, 2015 at 6:23 am #

    Every time she opens up the issue about her insecurity with her body, tell her, “I love you for who you are and not for how you look. You are the most beautiful and sexiest woman to me. I cannot imagine living my life with someone else other than you. Please don’t let our relationship drift apart because of the negative things you think about yourself. How I wish you can see yourself – the beautiful you – the way I see you, the way I love you. I fell in love with you because I saw the real you, and I will fall in love with you over and over again. I want you to know that I truly love you.” I don’t know how to do it for the woman but she seems to have an extremely deep issues on self-esteem that would damage their relationship anytime soon. She has to address this, or else, they will both have a hard time in the relationship.

  38. Kim April 16, 2016 at 1:11 pm #

    I would tell her that she is unique , in ways that make her beautiful inside. That the radient beauty of her soul shines so brightly that if any other person could see her ; ( through your eyes) what they would see is , an image of a woman who is such a beauty that the goddess , Aphrodite herself pales in comparison.

    Also if you love the way she looks then who else matters?
    Answer is : nobody else’s opions should matter. You existed just perfect before them and you will exist just perfect once they drop off from your awareness.

    Just what I would like a man to say to me. Of course I am a hopeless romantic.

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