Sometimes a fantastic man comes along and you dive into the pool like a Olympic racer going for the gold. You are filled with hope and excitement and everything feels wonderful! He’s The One, you’re completely sure of it.
Mostly sure of it.
Except you have some doubts that creep in, after those first few sprints down the Swimming Pool of Love.
Maybe you dove in too quickly, too deep. You slept with him too soon, committed to him too soon, were too available to him… Now you need a plan to fix all this.
Is it even possible to reset your relationship without losing it completely?
Claire, I have joined your Capture His Heart program, and while going through it I realized I have done everything wrong from day 1 in a relationship that I really want to keep.
I have been very available and extremely committed. We slept together on our first date. I have also become clingy… And this is only 2 months old and I really want to save it. We are exclusive to each other so I can’t technically go out on another date. Can you help me turn this around? – Delynn
You are an amazing woman, Delynn! You’ve already figured out what’s not working in your relationship and you know you need to reset your relationship and adjust some things. That’s half the battle. And the good news is that the other half isn’t going to be difficult either…
Shift Your Energy Back Toward YOU
You have been overly available and committed to him, so the simple way to reset your relationship here is to shift that energy back toward your own fabulous life. This is a win-win, because that’s a big part of why he was so attracted to you in the first place!
What specifically does that look like? Two main things:
1. Work toward your beautiful future
What are your top 3 goals for life right now?
Get busy and make a plan for meeting those those goals and work your plan. Invest in your passions. Follow your dreams!
2. Expand your social network
If you only ever spend time with one or two girlfriends, now is the time to start renewing and expanding your circle of friends, coaches, and mentors.
Read More: The Fabulous Woman Quiz
Now, here’s where your options split.
If you really want to reset your relationship, you not only have to pick up your own life again, you also need to figure out how to proceed as half of a couple, too.
You said you are exclusive with him. If the two of you explicitly talked about this and you both agreed to be exclusive and you want to remain at this level of commitment, then follow Option A below.
If you need to get gently unstuck from your commitment, follow Option B.
If you did NOT explicitly agree to commit to each other, follow Option C.
Do you want him to “put a ring on it”? Or just put his phone down and focus his attention completely and without distraction… on YOU?
Go HERE and let Mirabelle Summers share with you how getting a man to treat you like the woman he can’t live without doesn’t have to mean bending over backwards, walking on eggshells, or constantly reaching out, asking, and begging for more…. (This works within SECONDS!)
Option A: Remain Exclusive, Add Breathing Room
If you plan to remain committed to him but you just need some breathing room, all you need to do is be less available.
That means not replying to every text the instant it comes in, not returning his calls instantly, not going out with or sleeping with him at his every whim. Don’t spend all your time taking care of him, don’t ditch your girlfriends, and work at building some good breathing room back into your relationship.
Instant relationship reset!
Read More: How to Be Queen in Your Relationship Castle
Option B: Gently Get “Unstuck” From Your Exclusive Commitment
This one may sound a little more scary, but I have a script for you that will work beautifully:
“You are such an incredible man! I fell hard for you and you make a wonderful boyfriend. But I also think I jumped into a deep commitment a little too quickly, and I want to make sure that I’m making the right decisions. I need more time before I decide to be exclusive. Can you give me that?”
Then you discuss a timeline – say 3 or 6 months – after which the two of you will revisit the “exclusive” idea.
WARNING: Do NOT talk about other guys you’re planning to date! That’s just hurtful to him. Instead, keep the focus on HIM, and if he asks what other guy(s) you’re planning to see, tell him: “I really care about you, and I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.”
Read More: Unlock These 3 Secrets to Lasting Love
Option C: Begin Casually Dating Other People
If you didn’t actually agree to be exclusive, then you’re not exclusive. So the best way to reset your relationship on your end is to date other guys.
1. Make a dating plan and timeline
Decide what your goal in dating is going to be.
Are you dating for fun or commitment? If the latter, how long are you willing to invest in a particular guy before you determine whether he’s commitment material or not and move on?
2. Casually date lots of guys
It’s the best possible way to make a man who is really interested in you realize your worth, and understand that other men are going to be competing for your attention. It’s also a good way to learn what you like in a man. If you’re going to reset your relationship, you gotta stop putting all your focus on one guy!
Read More: 7 Whip-Smart Reasons to Date Casually
3. Slow down
When you do start seeing someone, don’t go “all in” so soon. Keep your friends close and don’t stop doing all the other things you’re doing in life. And above all, slow down the pace of communication. Don’t respond to every text, call, or “like” instantly. You have other stuff to do!
Move on With Fresh Confidence
Sometimes you need to reset your relationship. You’re growing and changing, and that’s normal and good. Instead of smacking yourself on the forehead and saying, “What was I thinking?” take a moment to breathe deeply and ask “What was I learning?” instead.
You’re gonna be great. Keep working at it!