You are thinking about moving in with him, but you’re also thinking about how you’d like to get married. Will living with him increase or decrease your chances of eventually tying the knot?
Can you find out if the two of you are interested in marriage by moving in together?
Hi, Claire, my question is about moving in together.
I am 30 and have been dating a wonderful man for about 2.5 years. We have started to build a life together and I am very happy. He lives an hour away, and he is starting to talk about moving closer to me. I do see us getting married down the road.
I have no moral problem with moving in with him, but how do I know if it is right for me, or if I should wait to be engaged/married to him?
If we do move in together while we are only technically still dating, how does the relationship progress from dating to married life, if we are already living together?
Thank you so much! — Elaina
Hi, Elaina, thanks for writing.
And the very first thing I noticed was that you said he was considering “moving closer to you,” not moving IN with you.
It seems to me that if you’re a bit uncertain about the “moving in with him” bit, you may not even have to deal with it. Let him move closer to you and continue to date! Easy as hot fudge sliding down the side of your ice cream sundae. 🙂
But it’s still a really good set of questions, especially the one about how a relationship progresses from dating to married life if you are living together.
Men break the hearts of women they really do LOVE, every single day. Which is why you need to see THIS…
People make a huge mistake on this, and the problem is in the popular conception that living together is a good “test drive” for marriage.
It SEEMS to make sense, doesn’t it? If you want to get married (and live together full time) why not move in with him and live together full time?
But there’s a problem with that…
1. Is living together a good “test drive” for knowing if we want to get married?
Nope. Moving in with him is not going to actually give you information about whether or not he wants to get married to you eventually, or about whether you want to get married to him.
Living together is 100% about convenience.
The financial convenience, the sexual convenience, possibly caregiving conveniences (if one or both have children).
Marriage, on the other hand, is more about commitment.
If marriage is important to one or both of you, the BEST way to figure that out is NOT to move in together, but to have the CONVERSATIONS about where each of you are on the idea of that kind of commitment.
You asked whether moving in with him is “right” for you. The only way you can answer that question is by having these kinds of conversations with him and also conversations with some good friends and/or mentors who know you well and have your best interest at heart.
Those conversations will either set your heart at ease or help you determine that you want to wait to move in with him.
2. Is it likely that he will want to get married if we’re already living together?
This is the wrong way to look at it. You can’t get information about whether someone wants to get married by living together.
There really ARE men who want to get married. Not just live together, but actually tie the knot. Yep, there are guys like that.
There are also men who DON’T want to get married. They would love the convenience of a live-in sexual partner.
The same is true of women, of course.
So the trick here is to be clear about what you and he both want, and if you’re considering moving in with him, your best bet is to make sure you get clear about WHY you’re doing it BEFORE you do it.
You asked how relationships go from “living together” to “being married.” That happens because the two people involved both want to marry, make plans to marry, and (yep!) get married!
And the way they figure out they want to make that happen is by talking about it, regardless of whether they are currently living together.
3. Living together is no “guarantee” of having a successful marriage.
Because, like I said, living together isn’t about commitment, it’s about convenience.
And here’s a picture of Chris Hemsworth, because I need to pause for man candy now and then.
Ahhh. Better now.
Want to know the best ways to figure out if this is the guy who you should tie the knot with WITHOUT moving in with him?
Here’s a short list of the biggies…
4. The 10 best ways to know if this is the man you want to marry…
To figure out whether this is the man for you, ask yourself these 10 questions…
1. Do the two of us have similar foundational values?
2. Does he make me a consistent priority in his life?
3. Do I feel strong and good when I’m around him?
4. Do I trust him? (Or a similar question: Do his words consistently match his actions?)
5. Do the people most important to me like him?
6. Is he financially solid (or working to get there)?
7. Does he want what’s best for me?
8. Have we successfully been through some difficult things together, and come out better for it?
9. Is he mature and willing to grow?
AND (drum rolllllllll) finally…
10. Does he want to get married to me?
To make this list even MORE effective, ask those questions about yourself as well.
You’ll notice that NONE of those 11 things are dependent on the two of you living together.
Capture his heart and make him love you forever
Michael Fiore was a confirmed “bad boy” who thought he would NEVER commit to a woman.
But one woman COMPLETELY changed his mind…
This video is emotional, honest and will teach you things about love you may not have wanted to hear… But you have to go watch it now.
- How do you get that one special guy to want you and only you?
- How do you get by his “fear” and make him CHOOSE to be with you and only you?
- How do you get the real love and real relationship with a real man that you’ve wanted for so very, very long?
It’s called “3 Ways to Make a Man Love You” and it reveals a secret psychological loophole in the male mind that makes a guy fall totally, passionately, overwhelmingly in love with you.