How to Deal with a Slow Boyfriend

slow boyfriend

Is your boyfriend moving too slowly for you?

He’s absolutely amazing, but it’s been a year now, and your slow boyfriend shows no signs of deeper commitment.

Then two years fly by and you realize you’re in the same place you were 3 months after you started dating him.

How much of your life are you going to invest here? And when will you know that THIS is the man you should keep hanging on for?

Claire, I have been with a man for two years. I have told him what my goals are and what I want or where I want this relationship to go. But he tells me I am pressuring him by repeatedly bringing it up and that my pace is faster then his. He’s says I should relax and let things happen naturally. What’s your advice? – Cassie

Okay, Cassie, there could be several things at work here with your slow boyfriend, so I’m going to cover the three most likely possibilities. Then I’ll give you some scripts for how you can talk to your guy and get the answers you need.

He may just be a Snail Male

Some guys are simply slow movers by nature. I married one. When we were dating, it took three months before he held my hand. Three months! (Of course his kisses, which I received on every single date, were to die for.)

Don’t write off your Snail Male variety of slow boyfriend too fast, because they are often very stable – including financially – and they can be a great match for a woman who likes the spotlight (no competition!).

Also, a man with a slow, deliberate approach can be quite a pleasure in the bedroom 🙂 A Steady Eddie will take the time to get you where you want to go, girlfriend. Mmm, hmm.

He may be a Wounded Bear

Some men are slow boyfriends because they have been wounded, or they’re afraid to be wounded. My friend Derrick had trouble making a commitment to his girlfriend (now his wife) because his parents had been very messily divorced, and he was terrified of making the same mistakes they had made.

So ask yourself: Did he just go through a nasty breakup? Has someone close to him been through a nasty breakup? Do a little sleuthing and see if you can uncover any fears that may be slowing him down.

Have you over-committed yourself?

This one is actually the one I hear the most about in letters and emails that I receive from women around the world. And it stings a little, so get ready.

Sometimes men won’t take the next step because you’ve made yourself completely available and committed to him already. If you’ve over-committed yourself, it may be time for you to introduce some breathing room back into your relationship.

If you’re not entirely sure…

Your slow boyfriend my not be motivated or driven by any of these top three drivers. So put on your detective cap and take a thoughtful look at how he benefits by moving slowly.

What’s in it for him? What’s the payoff for him moving as slow as he does? 

And don’t worry! If it’s still not clear, you still have easy options for finding out what’s going on in his slow turtle’s heart…

Ask him these exact words

Before you stress yourself out worrying about your slow boyfriend and his glacial pace in the relationship, TALK to him about it.

Talking with your man doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated. Here’s a script that will work. Memorize these exact words, choose a good time, and ask!

I understand that you want to take our relationship slowly. Can you help me understand the reasons why?

AND know and share your own timeline

You should definitely know and tell him what your relationship desires for the future are, and ask him how he envisions his own future as well.

This doesn’t have to feel hostile at all; something like the scripts below should work; simply adjust them for your own particular timeline decision.

A year is plenty of time to find out whether or not one particular guy is going to be the one I’m willing to stop seeing other men for.

Or:

I probably wouldn’t date a guy for more than 6 months if I knew it wasn’t serious.

This conversation should get you plenty of helpful information, so go into it with a bright heart and a positive spirit. This is going to go well for you!

How to light a bonfire of passion under your slow boyfriend

Want to make your boyfriend suddenly find you so attractive, so intriguing and so tempting that he will wish to capture you with a fierceness that he has never known before?

–> Click here to see how to instantly trigger desire in your slow guy

online datingHe will develop a massive CRUSH on you and will express how lucky he feels to have someone as smart, caring and gorgeous as you around him.

Within the very first minutes of using this he will start seeing a movie in his head playing back scenes of you and him being together… He won’t be able to push those images out of his head — and he won’t WANT to.

You’ll also discover the “Sizzling Desire Technique,” which will make his mind go blank and something inside him will scream that you’re the only one for him.

And you’ll appreciate the “Emotional Bankruptcy Technique,” which makes a man treat you like a rare gem that he must care for with a passionate intensity.

He’ll feel so over his head in love with you that he won’t feel at ease until he lets you know how much he appreciates every breath, every word, every hug and kiss you share with him.

–> Discover this and a lot more here…

One of the most powerful of the bonus materials with this is called the “Extreme Case Scenario Turnaround.” If you’ve ever felt like you’ve wrecked your relationship beyond repair, or an old mistake is threatening your future with the man you love, this will be an incredibly helpful tool for you.

xoxo Claire

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3 Responses to How to Deal with a Slow Boyfriend

  1. Freddy Garrison July 26, 2015 at 12:58 pm #

    I see now with a better understanding your feelings only wanting what everyone woman wants in their life. This being said i just want you be happy as i always have cause thats how much you mean to me. To better leaving more at ease in my intentions and put to rest these question or doubt you still may have in me being yes when that was the plan from the very beginning if you don’t quite remember. ? I do hold a past of heartache not just my relationships with others but, from even my parents and family with commitment a big thing never taken lightly as something so simple not being in fear of wanting to share that with you. Just only ever wanting to feel a sense of security able provide as a father should to his family. Their rock to stand on and count on this not having in my childhood watching my mother suffer and struggled throughout her life trying to hide the tears in her eyes that i knew were always there and myself unable to open up to her wanting to be strong for her and not add to her worry of me and these feelings i bottled up over the years. So yeah it was like a answered prayer when you walked into my life accepting me and loving the way you did in all those innocent acts of love that meant everything to me. I wanted things to be special for you and i just called me old fashioned i suppose wanting to give you my absolute best. Though was consumed by my unspoken feelings holding back as troublesome past not entirely all my fault but, do take responsibility in my actions and every wrong made. I know it what you feel that you want in your heart being me or another though i hope you know where i stand ready to commit even willing to make these plans to show how much i want this being only you as my loving bride. ?

    • Claire Casey July 26, 2015 at 1:19 pm #

      Wow, Freddy. I hope your girlfriend sees this. You really wrote it from your heart. Good luck!

      • Freddy Garrison July 26, 2015 at 1:40 pm #

        I do hope so myself even after two years passed and all that came between us. I truly do feel the same as i did when she first said yes back when we were kids. This i know to be real and with it being more deeply felt like nothing i’d experienced before and ready if she is in moving past these all worries and doubt to begin living the life we always dreamed as two young kids falling head over heels in finding that true love which started with a little note i wrote asking for your hand and being my first love. ?

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