Quizzes

[POLL] What Does it Mean if He DOESN’T Kiss You?

These days you might think that everyone kisses at the end of a great first date. But what does it mean if you don’t?

“Dear Claire, I’ve been out of the dating world for a while (was married for 6 years) and now I’m having to figure all that out again. I just got back from a great first date with a new man and he didn’t kiss me at the end. Does this mean he’s not interested? But we had an awesome time!!” โ€“ Chloe

Just because you didn’t kiss on the first date does NOT mean he’s giving you the kiss-off. If the date really was great, like you said, then look for other things that may be figuring in…

1. He may be shy.

2. He may be very conservative (and respectful).

3. He’s just too nervous (or possibly inexperienced) to go for it.

Did you get the feeling that any of those factors were are at play during your date?

Or did he make lots of eye contact, get engaged with what the two of you were saying and doing together, and seem to really enjoy himself?

If so, then the lack of a kiss shouldn’t throw you off. He’s warming up to it, and when he does, you’re likely to find that a man with a slow hand is also really, really, really desirable in just so many ways. ๐Ÿ™‚

Take the poll: What do YOU think?

Actually, I have a poll AND a question… If you had an awesome date with a guy and he didn’t kiss you, would you go out with him again? Leave me a comment and let me know!


READ MORE: How to Deal With a Sloooow Boyfriend

xoxo Claire

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9 comments on “[POLL] What Does it Mean if He DOESN’T Kiss You?

  1. Maybe it’s just me, but I get turned off if a guy tries to kiss me on the first date. Flirting is amazing, so is a hug, and a kiss on the cheek (like the French good bye/good bye greeting), but if tries to kiss me I feel he’s going way too fast. I feel rushed and that he’s going too far.

    • Claire Casey

      Nice to hear from another woman who appreciates a measured, moving-carefully man!

      Btw, when my husband and I were dating, he did kiss me on the first date, but get this: he *asked permission* first! I thought that was amazing and I got on the phone to my gf later than night and told her “This may be the one…!”

      I was right. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. As long as the date went great, I wouldn’t sweat it at all. If he didn’t follow up with another date request then I might think he didn’t like me. I did have one guy go in for the kiss when I didn’t want him to. It was a blind date sort of thing. He was the same height so his kiss landed on my collar bone, which I felt was way too intimate a place to kiss me for a first date! I’m sure it was just the height but it left a bad impression.

    Claire, I’m the opposite of you, I’m not a fan of men asking permission for a kiss. I’d rather they just do it. But I can see where it would be sweet.

  3. I love a good kiss, who doesn’t? But on the first date? NO, even if I’m attracted. There are things I find a turn off on a first date that come off as over-eager or a bit desperate: PDA, wanting to hold hands, touching my face or lips, playing with my hair, bear hugging (I feel swallowed), one guy tried to suck BBQ sauce off my fingers on a first date (eeeeuuuuwww!), and one buffed guy literally lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder, fireman style, on the way to the car, ugh! If there’s chemistry on a first date, I find the subtle things sexy; meaningful eye contact, leaning in close, playful, light touching. I dated a guy who would playfully wink or waggle his eyebrows at me across the table and it would melt me every time, no touching needed! A friendly hug is a good ending to a first date, and if he’s sweet and I enjoyed his company and he asks, ‘May I kiss you’? I probably would like that as long as he didn’t try to shove his tongue down my throat. Kissing is a very intimate thing so I’m never in a hurry to do it. A couple guy friends have told me they won’t kiss a girl they don’t really like on a date but they CAN have sex with her. I get it.

  4. I don’t think that a kiss on the first date means anything. If a guy doesn’t kiss me on a first date, I don’t think anything about it. I think sometimes there is an instant connection and then there might be a kiss on the first date, like there was with my boyfriend and I. But there was another guy I dated that didn’t kiss me until the 5th date. But you know what? He kept asking me out. In fact, he asked me out on every one of the 9 dates we went on. The only reason we did not keep dating is because my current boyfriend and I decided to be exclusive. And honestly, I was glad that he didn’t kiss me until the 5th date because it was the right time for that kiss. My current boyfriendโ€ฆour connection was different and a kiss halfway through our first date was the right timing.

  5. Don’t think it makes any difference. It’s how you feel about the person, some there is more of an instant connection others the attraction and connection builds more slowly, but you get on great and always have a fantastic time when you are together.
    Follow your instincts and don’t be rushed.
    Last guy I went out with kissed me on the first date and it was so amazing I couldn’t concentrate for the rest of the day!! He was an experienced dater!
    Currently guy is the brilliant company, interesting and more in common but we haven’t kissed/hugged yet. He is more cautious and shy about dating. Second date started having some flirting/eye contact. It will happen if and when the time is right, we have agreed not to rush things and get to know each other properly first.

  6. I would rather not kiss on the first date. I think it way too intimate to do with a stranger. A hug is fine, but not a kiss. My last boyfriend waited until our eighth date before we shared a kiss and it was completely awesome! We were both ready and it still ranks as one of the best kisses I ever had.

  7. I agree with Victoria, Amy, Tracy and Jaye. I generally don’t want to kiss on the first date, probably not on the second either. I wait till I feel a connection with a guy and it seems right. In my last long-term relationship, that was on a hike on our third date, when it started to rain and we took shelter under a tree. That was an AMAZING first kiss! I think it lasted twenty minutes, but he says it was only about five minutes. Whichever, it was the right time (we’d connected sufficiently and gotten to know each other), and my best first kiss ever.

  8. Claire Casey

    Wow, I loved hearing these stories. Sounds like there are plenty of women who don’t mind waiting until the *right* time — which will be different in every situation. You guys are amazing.

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