Have you ever been marvelously in love with a man when suddenly, you began to wonder if the two of you have a future together?
How can you know if you should wait for him?
If you ASK, and he’s unsure about the future of your relationship, you suddenly start to have a thousand doubts… Should you wait for him? Or should you start the breakup process, so that eventually – after many tears, and more than a few new scars on your tender heart – you can move on with your life.
Ugh. Those moments are so incredibly painful.
The good news is that you DON’T have to endure that uncertainty.
There are some simple things you can do to ensure you never have to endlessly wonder…
And you can also find out pretty easily if this is the man for you!
Sound crazy? Keep reading…
I have been in an exclusive relationship for 10 months. We have had many difficult moments and our relationship has been growing a LOT. I’m sooo in love with him and our relationship is day by day better. We had a talk about marriage but he isn’t too sure about that. I have some doubt and some things that maybe scare me too.
I don’t know how much I have to wait until we make a decision about marriage or if I am wasting my time and I have to go out with another guys…I’m freaking out because I don’t wanna be hurt or disappointed. – Isabela
PS: Thanks a lot. Sorry for my bad English but I speak Spanish better. 🙂
Hola bonita! Okay, that’s about the limit of my Spanish (I googled “How to say “Hello, pretty lady”), and I hope that makes you feel a little better, girlfriend. Your English is just fine!
First of all, relationships sometimes hurt.
I wish I could start my response to you differently, but pain is a part of life, and you just can’t reasonably expect to never have trouble or struggles of any kind. But it’s okay! You’re strong, and can weather whatever life brings you. Remember that, Isabela!
Now that that’s out of the way…
You have some work to do on this.
Normally I tell women not to wait on a man, but that’s not a hard and fast rule. However, if you are going to wait for him, then you should have the following things in place:
In other words, you know how long you’re willing to invest in a man before you decide he is or isn’t serious (or marriage material, or ready for a wedding) and break up and move on.
2. Communicate that timeline with him
You need to be lovingly clear and let him know what that timeline is so that he can make his own decisions. This is NOT about ultimatums, threats, or drawing a line in the sand. It’s simple, heartfelt, clear communication.
“I love spending time with you. You are such an amazing man! And I hope in the next two years or so I’ll be waking up next to the man I love every morning, knowing he’s going to be there for me no matter what, knowing I’ll have the honor of loving and supporting him for the rest of our lives together. I’m wondering if that man will be you. What do you want your life to look like two years from now?”
GREAT RESOURCE: How to set and communicate your dating goals and timeline
The ONE thing that’s scarier than not knowing…
You can easily spend some time thinking about and figuring out exactly what your timeline is. That would be MUCH better than this endless wondering if you should wait for him, wouldn’t it?
But the REAL scary thing is not the waiting, it’s the fear that you’ll get an answer that you won’t like.
You’ll know more about this than I do, but honestly, it doesn’t sound like that’s what is most likely to happen. The two of you have been together long enough to go through some problems together, you’ve grown a lot, you said, and that bodes so well for you!
But, here’s another way to think about this, kerida… (Thank you, Google translator.)
To figure out whether this is really the man for you, ask yourself these 10 questions…
- Is he deeply attracted to you?
- Do the two of you have similar foundational values?
- Does he make you a priority in his life?
- Do you feel amazing and strong and wonderful when you’re around him?
- Do you trust him completely?
- Do the people most important to you like him?
- Is he financially solid (or working to get there)?
- Does he want what’s best for you?
- Have you successfully been through some difficult things together, and come out better for it?
- Is he mature and willing to grow?
If you answered yes to most or all these questions, you are not “wasting your time” with him right now. Choosing to wait for him is your smartest move.
If your man scored terribly on these 10 questions, then yes, it’s time to gently break things off so that you can both be free to move into your future. It will really be the healthiest thing for you. And you should go ahead and break free, because you don’t want to delay meeting the man who WILL love and treasure your heart like the rare gem it is…
You can do this, beautiful!
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