When loving another person goes wrong, it can be so painful that you may be tempted to lock your heart in a fireproof safe-deposit box and never get it out again.
What are the pros and cons of actively choosing to avoid heartbreak, or deciding to love again?
Can you completely avoid heartbreak and steer clear of pain?
Claire, I’ve been seeing a man for almost six months. I really like his friends and his family. I know he loves me and I love him just as much; he is so attentive, considerate, supportive, and I feel secure in our “relationship” and safe with him.
I will admit I’ve resisted him every step of the way. He’s pointed out that I never open up to him; whenever he wants to talk about “the hard stuff”, I either ignore it or kind of just shut down and give vague answers. Even after all this time, it’s near impossible for me just to tell him I miss him.
My feelings for him are stronger than I expected and I can see a future with him and it’s occurring to me that he could really hurt me. I know it’s incredibly selfish of me, but I’m starting to think I should end things with him. My first heartbreak sent me into a yearlong depression. I am not a coward – I just don’t want that to happen to me again. – Anya
Hi, dear Anya. This one is easy for someone on the outside looking in.
Here’s how you should look at your situation:
If your goal is to avoid heartbreak at all cost, then yes, you should break up with him now. If your goal is to avoid being hurt, you shouldn’t date at all.
But if you would like to have love in your life, then you need to start working on your fear of having someone break your heart again. Because that’s the risk for every human who manages to open her heart wide enough to include the love of another person. Love is a risk.
If you choose to love, your chances of being hurt are 100%
Yes, this loving, wonderful, attentive, supportive man could do something that hurts you. And guess what? You could hurt him as well.
The risk is on BOTH of you, and the likelihood of pain is 100%.
People who love each other also screw things up. We make mistakes, and accidentally or on purpose do wretched things to the ones we love most.
If we value that connection and love (and not everyone does), we try to clean up our mistakes. Make things right.
Nothing ever is exactly the same as it was before, but you know what? A couple who continually works to get through difficult times together can become much, much stronger. You WANT be in the kind of relationship that can withstand lots of trouble, trials, and mistakes.
Because everybody wrecks things from time to time.
No one can avoid all levels of heartbreak forever.
Want to maximize your chance to make love work?
- Learn to accept that there will be pain in your life. You can’t avoid heartbreak and also live and love well.
- Teach yourself that no matter what happens, YOU are strong. YOU are capable. You will get hurt, but you will not be stopped from working toward the things you dream of.
- Practice the skill of talking to the one you love about “the hard stuff.”
These "Magic Relationship Words" Make Sure You Say It Right Every Time In Any Situation With Your Partner, Spouse or Lover
It's true... There are actually certain words you can say in certain ways to your partner, spouse or lover, that when you say them, you'll not only reduce or eliminate the possibility of either one of you shutting down or getting upset... you'll also instantly feel more understood, more loved and connected than you ever thought possible.
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Right this minute, YOU have the VERY THING that SO many people in the world crave…
You have the clear, flowing love of another person.
In fact, you have many of the good things that go with a loving relationship. He makes you feel cared for, supported, and secure…
You have two choices before you:
CHOICE #1: You could choose to avoid heartbreak (and also avoid growth and change).
Accept that there’s already going to be pain involved if you break up with him. Not just pain for him, but also for you.
But you could still move backwards from where you are. Break up with him, deal with the minor heartbreak now before you love each other even more.
CHOICE #2: You could choose love.
Rather than running from another possible heartbreak, you could choose to move toward love. With all its risks and hardships, all its wonders and beauty.
The first choice might let you rest and feel “safe” from heartbreak a while longer, but the bold choice will fill you with joy, grow your soul, and teach you powerful and amazing things.
Discover the EXACT Words to Say That Stop Fights, Arguments and Disagreements… Pull your man closer AND keep your love alive
Have you ever wished you had the “right” words to say in a difficult relationship situation where you just didn’t know the right thing to say?
Have you ever “not said anything” to someone about something because you didn’t know what to say or how to say it?
Of course you have. We ALL have.
What you may not know is that there are actually “Magic Words” that smart
couples use to create more closeness, connection, peace, harmony, understanding
and even passion in their relationships.
To see an example of these “magic words” in action and to learn how you can use them to create more connection in your relationship or marriage and life…
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins have put together a book (that I highly recommend) with a collection of 101 of these “magic words,” phrases and sentence starters in it that you can begin using in your relationship right now to make sure you say it right every time.
Using these magic words when you talk to your man will help you…
- Build or rebuild trust
- Reduce or eliminate jealousy
- Improve communication
- Increase connection
- Create more passion and intimacy both in and out of the bedroom
AND much more…
These “magic” relationship words, phrases, and sentence starters are true communication
difference-makers that can determine the quality, happiness and connection of not just your
intimate relationship or marriage but all your other relationships as well.
They can be the difference between whether someone opens and listens to you or closes
up, gets mad or just ignores you.