He was just so sweet when you first met him, and clearly he thought you were hot. Yes, you knew he was married, but you never, ever (ever!) thought of yourself as a man’s “mistress.”
That’s for Victorian romance novels, right?
But that’s what you’re doing, agreeing to be his mistress, his “sugar on the side.”
Which, sadly, means that you’ll never be his main dish, the woman he’d slay dragons for, the woman of his dreams.
The single BIGGEST reason women have relationships with married men
Most women simply fall or wander into a relationship with a married man, and don’t think about the consequences until much later.
After all, it feels so good to be receiving masculine attention! That’s what you want, isn’t it? And this guy is clearly hungry for a good woman – he picked you, didn’t he?
So you ignore all the danger signals, let things take their course, and suddenly you look up and realize you’ve completely lost two years of your life.
There are SO MANY reasons it’s painful; that’s just one. (There’s a POLL below and you can tell me what really sucks about dating a married man…)
Ugh, what a mess.
What now? How do you stop being his mistress, win back your life, and finally get the lasting love you crave?
“Hi Claire! For the last two years, I have been seeing a married man. His marriage is dead, most of his spare time he was with me, there never was a call from his wife or kids. He never speaks about his familiy, I never ask. But now his phone has been stolen and the thief is blackmailing him with our txts and mails and has send them to his kids (26 and 17). For me it would be the best time to split up with his wife, but I guess he doesn’t want to loose his ‘structure’… but I love him… but what can I do?” – Paula
I can do this one in three words, Paula. Break up now.
(I can actually do it in one: Run.)
Incidentally, the reason this cell phone thief has legit power over him is that all those texts and calls with you can be used against him in court. Meaning, his legal wife can reasonably get a much better settlement because he had (is having) an affair, after having made certain legal commitments to her.
Which you may not care about, except that you should know that not only is his life about to get really nasty for a good long while, but even if he did get divorced to marry you, you’d be next in line for the same treatment.
Who would sign up for that? Nobody, that’s who.
So what do you do to stop being his mistress? 6 things…
1. Start seeing other (good, available, unmarried) men.
Even if it’s painful or you really miss your married guy, start dating so that you can begin to remember how good it feels to be with a man who has REAL potential for fulfilling your relationship dreams.
2. Stop sleeping with the married guy.
The more you have sex with him, the more you chemically bond, and the harder it is to detox.
3. Break it off cleanly with him.
Plan what you are going to say, and pick a good time and place to tell him. Do it quickly (no more than 30 minutes) and DON’T let him whine, plead, or cajole you into changing your mind. Do this for YOU.
You deserve ALL of the RIGHT man's heart...
Crawl into your man’s mind and soul and make him not just fall in love with you… but also COMMIT to you on such a deep, primal level he can barely understand it himself.
Watch this video and find out how one ordinary woman captured the heart of a committed "player," and made an honest man out of him!
4. Call in your support system.
Now more than ever you need your family and your best girlfriends to help you keep on track. Call them, lean on them, and let them support you through the next few months.
5. Begin the disentangling process.
This may be more or less complicated, depending on how long you’ve been together.
- Move into your own place.
- Block his calls and texts.
- Get rid of anything you own “together” or else agree who will take over that item. (This happens with pets a lot.)
- Stop seeing and talking to his friends and/or relatives.
- Find new restaurants, coffeeshops, and hangouts that are yours; not the places the two of you shared.
- Get his stuff out of your apartment.
- Get your stuff back from him, or let it go for good.
- Stop cooking for him, contacting him, or checking in with him.
It can’t be over if you constantly keep the relationship on life support, or allow him to do the same.
6. Take very good care of yourself.
This is so important! Don’t hole up with your DVDs and your take out. Start exercising, get your hair done, eat healthy.
Deciding to be a man’s mistress was a giant step backward in your self-care, so start taking some steps forward again! A future of love and satisfaction is waiting for you.
More encouragement, love, and support for YOU…
This is INCREDIBLY hard for you, I know. It’s hard to stay in, hard to make change.
So I’ve written another article that may help…
Notebook image by Quella on We Heart It