Commitment Dating and Romance

WHEN Can You Call Him Your Boyfriend?

You’ve been dating the smoothest, sexiest man since Ryan “Hey Girl” Gosling. You are happily floating in the wonder-fizz of a fresh new relationship. At what point can you call him your boyfriend? When is it too soon? How do you know??

Is it ever too soon to call him your boyfriend?

Just so you’ll know, I strongly disagree with all the people (dating gurus included) who say that he’s not your “boyfriend” until the two of you have agreed to be exclusive and stop dating other people.

That’s just silly.

You might casually date a perfectly fabulous guy for three months, six months, or even a year before you decide to become exclusive. What on earth are you gonna call him all that time??

I think there’s a much better solution…

“Hi Claire. How do you know if you’re boyfriend/girlfriend? This is weird. My boyfriend (I guess?) and I have gone on one date, but he hasn’t texted me since and we haven’t talked. I don’t know what to do. I really like him. How do I think about this?” – Abbey

Hi Abbey, sweetheart. Quick answer for you: He’s not your boyfriend. That does NOT mean this is over (more on that in a minute), and it’s not that one date is too soon to know… But let’s take these one at a time.

First: You asked a GREAT question: “When can you call a guy your boyfriend?”

I’m going to give you a few ideas around that, mkay? Then we’ll talk about next steps…

Can you call him your boyfriend after only one date?

For starters, you can FEEL like a guy is your boyfriend after only one date. I had that with the man I eventually married.

But BOTH of you would feel the intensity and intent, and I think in your case it’s a little one-sided. Don’t worry about that, let your first dates always be casual.

Wrap Him AdEven if it doesn’t FEEL that way, TELL yourself it’s casual. Don’t put heavy pressure on yourself or him that fast.

I didn’t do this when I was dating my man. We went out once, and I was a goner. Mostly because of the knee-melting, heart-exploding, ridiculously long, way-too-short kiss he laid on me (after first asking permission) at the end of that first date. Holy mother of Elvis what a kiss…

What was I saying? Oh, yeah.

Whatever it is you FEEL, you should still not CALL him your boyfriend after just one date. Give it a little time to play out some more.

So how long should you wait to call him your boyfriend?

The “Seven Dates” Rule

How about we say seven dates.

Cause if you’ve gone out with him that many times and actually enjoyed yourself for most of those times, you probably like the guy enough to call him your boyfriend.

Don’t like my number? Pick your own, then!

But remember: These are seven ACTUAL dates… Not, “we just happened to see each other at the 5k and ended up running together” or “a bunch of us all went to see that movie” or “we happened to be assigned to the project together.”

Want to get from ONE date to… More?

Ask him out, sun-heart! There’s absolutely NO reason in the world you can’t casually contact him and invite him to join you to see a local band, watch the leaves change color during a walk in the park, or even to go have coffee together…

You don’t have to worry about if you can call him your boyfriend, just call him your date for the afternoon… 🙂

And one thing will lead to another and pretty soon you may need the section below:

7 good clues that he really IS your boyfriend…

  1. You’re mostly past that awkward social introduction terror: “Uh, this is Aaron, my… (giggles, blushing, stammering) my uhhhh…”
  2. The two of you have started to introduce each other to important people in your life
  3. He’s regularly making you a priority in his life
  4. You don’t endlessly primp EVERY time before you see him (he’s probably seen you without make-up and perfect hair, clothes, etc.)
  5. You no longer obsess over your ex, and you’re starting to be less interested in any other guys you’re casually seeing/dating
  6. You want good things for each other
  7. You’re gradually increasing the frequency of your dates

Guaranteed way to know if you can call him your boyfriend: Talk about it!

melt his heartDon’t do this until you’ve gone out at least 7 times with a guy (see Seven Dates Rule, above), but when you’re ready to “Define The Relationship” so you can FINALLY call him your boyfriend, here’s what you do…

Here’s the formula:

  • Say how long you’ve been dating
  • Say something complimentary about him
  • Ask if you can introduce him as your boyfriend

For example:

“Joel, we’ve been dating for three weeks now, and it’s been pretty fantastic. I think you are an amazing guy, and I’m looking forward to seeing where all this leads. When we see my friend (co-worker, bff, sister) tonight, is it okay with you if I introduce you as my boyfriend?”

There are other ways to do it, but this works incredibly well.

Adorable cartoon explains how to GROW your man up (NOW!)

Did you know that when it comes to commitment, every man is in one of TWO emotional phases?

  • The “juvenile player” phase…
  • And the grown up MAN phase.

wrap him cartoonGrown up men are able to FULLY commit. But when a man is in the “juvenile player” phase, he will never take steps to move the relationship forward.

Why??

Turns out that, psychologically, he actually can’t move to the next phase on his own. There’s even a name for this: it’s called Peter Pan syndrome. And it means that he is totally reliant on YOU to be the one woman who can inspire him to CHOOSE to grow up, become a MAN, and commit.

And until you do…

  • he will be unwilling to talk about his feelings
  • unwilling to upgrade the relationship
  • and he won’t ever really FEEL the love he’s capable of feeling.

He might say he does. He might call himself your boyfriend. He might even BELIEVE it (for now)…

But until you can dissolve his invisible hangups about commitment (that he might not even realize are there), he’ll always have one foot out the door emotionally.

Watch the cartoon!

If you want to see exactly how to dissolve these hangups, help him grow up, and have even the biggest player CHOOSE to commit himself heart, body, and soul to you, then go check out this cute cartoon Mirabelle Summers put together for you!

xoxo Claire

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