Why It’s So Hard to Break Free from Your Married Boyfriend

You’ve tried to break up with your married boyfriend, but somehow it never works. Here’s why you’re still stuck… and how to break free.

married boyfriend

Dumping Your Married Boyfriend: Why It’s Easier Said Than Done

There are good reasons breaking up with your married boyfriend is so hard. The tough thing is figuring out what’s going on, so you can finally get off the crazy ride and onto solid ground again.

Here are the 5 main reasons you’re still with your married boyfriend, and what exactly you can do to break it off for good and get your life back.

1. You’re awash in fakery and lies

Part of the reason it’s taking you so long to dump your married boyfriend and re-claim your life and dreams is because of the lies you’re listening to…

9 Lies Your Married Boyfriend is Telling You

  • I never would have married her if I had met you first.
  • I’m leaving her. Soon.
  • I love you so much, I need you to wait for me.
  • I can’t leave her because of the kids.
  • I’m going to marry you; you’re the woman I’ve waited all my life for.
  • She and I don’t sleep together; we haven’t for a long time.
  • I don’t love her; I don’t think I ever did. YOU are my soul mate.
  • She said I can see whomever I want. She has someone else too.
  • She’s cruel and mean. A real witch.

Stop listening to these lies.

Because the TRUTH is that this isn’t about your married boyfriend. At all.

It’s 100% about YOU, soulshine.

You deserve better than a man’s crumbs and love leftovers, and until you accept that and start showing yourself a little (okay, a LOT) of heartfelt, souldeep love, you are going to keep settling for this sad half-life.

You shouldn’t have to worry if the next man you date is going to stay completely FAITHFUL and COMMITTED to you…

--> Make Him Your "One Woman, Forever" Man

2. You’re a little bit addicted to the drama, and your role in it

No, you’re NOT confused and uncertain. You know exactly why this is a problem because you are incredibly smart. You’re only pretending to yourself when you say “I’m just so not sure what to do. I’m so confused.”

dramaboyWhy? Because something in you kinda likes being the tragic, sad princess.

It’s a plum role in any Hollywood script, isn’t it?

By the way, it’s the same feeling HE’S having. No silly, not “sad princess” but more like “tragic prince.”

It’s perfect for Hollywood, but it sucks when it’s your real life.

And it only gets better if you do the work of ending this relationship.

But here’s a real shocker:

It’s actually EASIER for YOU than for HIM, because he’s in the nastier mess right now. Repairing things with his family or cleaning up his giant mess are going to be much harder than what you have to do.

3. You’re feeling too desperate for some love and tenderness

Yep, I know you want love. Love, a few pretty words, some flattery, gifts, and intimacy. You want love and tenderness, romance and sizzle. Excitement, adoration, pleasure… ANYTHING, really.

hungry loveAnd “anything” is exactly the problem.

Being too clingy, desperate, and needy is a surefire way to repel men (even the ones who want to “fix” or “rescue” women), wreck your relationships, and further damage your self-esteem.

We get clingy and needy because we’re starving for attention and affirmation, and when you’re desperate for those things, you stop spending time building our own life, and simply start scanning for any possible source for a “fix.”

I know, that’s drug junkie language. And it fits in this situation, because what you need to do is break your addiction, and get yourself back to good emotional health. More info on that coming up…

4. You’re telling yourself this ONE HUGE LIE: “I’m not strong enough to leave him.”

You’ve been insanely loving and patient with your married boyfriend. You’ve waited patiently on the sidelines, tried to be understanding, bent over backwards to be accommodating.

In fact, those are the very things that show how incredibly strong you are. You were strong enough to love in ridiculously challenging circimstances…

So yes, you are also strong enough to leave him forever. (And finally thrive.)

You have the ability to keep things exactly the same, AND you also have the ability to change your life!

You are whole, wonderfully made, loving, and capable. You are sturdy and clever. Gather up your courage and set out for the dreams that are waiting for you.

5. You haven’t (yet!) realized that you are BLOCKING the REAL LOVE of your life…

Sneaking around with a married boyfriend isn’t the kind of love you dreamed of.

Feeling stuck, waiting and hoping HE will change something in your life – is not how you thought a beautiful, lifelong love would be.

The good news is that YOU are in charge of your own life, gorgeous woman. You deserve to have all the love the universe wants to send you.

And by staying in this half-relationship with a married boyfriend, by staying in this tragic princess mode, you’re actually PREVENTING real love from happening.

How can the REAL love of your life ever begin if you’re still stuck with the married guy?

shadow-ornament

The #1 way to make a man FAITHFUL to YOU

Nothing makes you feel LESS secure than being with a man who is “wishy-washy” about his feelings for you, who can’t seem to commit himself 100% to you, and the relationship…

new boyfriend

And even if he SAYS he’s fully committed to you and faithful, can you really be sure that his devotion to you will last? That it will stand the test of time?

--> Faithful FOREVER (how to trigger his commitment instinct)

It IS possible to make a man absolutely monogamous to you. And not just physically, but also emotionally...

So that the thought of ever being with another woman actually disgusts him…and merely SEEING YOU fills him with joy, and send shivers of desire and delight up his spine…

This secret really is THAT powerful…

--> Discover the "Monogamy Method"

You owe it to yourself to learn this unusual, science-backed “monogamy method.” It only takes a few minutes, and it’s like knowing how to flip a switch in a man’s mind, and heart, to make him forever faithful to YOU

Here's What You Should Do Now...

It's time to build yourself up, and start exercising those self-care muscles you've been letting get slack and out of shape. But before you can do that, you need to address #1 on the list below...

1. Break it off NOW with the married boyfriend.

  • Tell him clearly and plainly that it's over. For good.
  • Move into your own place, or get all his stuff out of your apartment. Get your own things back from him, or let it go for good.
  • Get rid of anything you own “together” or else agree who will take over that item.
  • Do NOT accept money, gifts, or support from him.
  • Stop cooking for him, contacting him, or checking in with him.
  • Block his calls and texts, block him on social networks, do a total social cleanse.
  • Stop seeing and talking to his friends and/or relatives.
  • Find new restaurants, coffeeshops, and hangouts that are yours; not the places the two of you shared.

2. Work toward your beautiful future

What are your top 3 goals for life right now? Get busy and make a plan for meeting those goals and work your plan. Invest in your passions.

And don't kid yourself: this is work.

But it's good work, and it's going to pay off in lots of life and soul satisfaction.

3. Expand your social network

Now is the time to start renewing and expanding your circle of friends, coaches, and mentors (especially if you've been centering your life around a married boyfriend).

4. Start casually dating other guys

When I say “casual” I don't mean sleeping around. Go out, but don't leap in with both feet and all your heart. Maintain your reserve. Let things unfold gently over time. See what happens.

M 3 And when I say “guys” I mean more than one. Lightly shop around, see what's going on in the universe of men. Your world has been too small and cramped for too long, y'know?

5. Take care of yourself, and get help when you need it

Take care of yourself, sunshine. Dating a married guy was not healthy for you. Do the small things that give you joy, whether it's getting a pedicure with a girlfriend, indulging in a long lunch with a favorite aunt, or finally getting back in shape and eating healthy.

If you’re stuck, spend some time getting help from a emotionally healthy friend or advisor. Life coaches are awesome, if you know one, or can afford professional help.

Learn from your mistakes, and move on with fresh confidence

Remember, making mistakes doesn’t make you a screw-up. Making mistakes is proof that you’re actively trying. Instead of smacking yourself on the forehead and saying, “What was I thinking?” take a moment to breathe deeply and ask “What was I learning?” instead.

You’re gonna be great. You can do this, beautiful woman.

xoxo Claire

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4 Responses to Why It’s So Hard to Break Free from Your Married Boyfriend

  1. Joe Shepherd December 12, 2015 at 1:08 pm #

    Hi Claire, my wife had an affair for 8 months with a married man. I asked for a divorce. We had been married for 24 miraculous years. She is so beautiful. Any way when Dave found out she was getting divorced, he dumped her! I know his wife, never told her about the affair. She came back to me but the hurt was so deep that we both needed to heal. I medicated myself (I’m a recovering alcoholic, dry for 31 years)with short, intimate relationships for about 4 months. Then realized how destructive that was to me. My wife asked me to forgive her and we have become intimate again. Last night she had her company Christmas party and our son told me that her girlfriend she was going with had left a message that she couldn’t make it and could give her the ride home. So I put on my Tux and headed to the hotel to bring her home.
    She had gone to the party with another man and I ran into them when I got to the front door of the Royal York Hotel. I introduced myself and told her I wanted to bring her home since Lillian hadn’t gone. She just said she was going home with this new man.
    What am I doing
    Is divorce the only way out?
    She is my greatest love

  2. Jean October 19, 2016 at 2:44 am #

    hi Claire,
    I was dating a married man and we have a 8 months old daughter. At the begenning of our relationship I didn’t know he was married and I found out after 4 months of dating him and that time I’m already 2 months pregnant. Its so hard to walk away. I love him so much.

  3. Sabrina June 7, 2017 at 9:04 am #

    I’m in love with a married man and have been having an intimate relationship with him for almost 15 months now. Before entering into that type of relationship we were friends for a couple of years. I never have been with somebody that’s been in a relationship or married before and I dI dnt know what I was getting I to. I thought I did and also thought I had control and since I had left my longterm boyfriend (14 years who is also the father of my 13 year old twin girls ) and I was not anywhere near ready for a serious relationship that it could be a sexual relationship and that was it. Well our friendship turned into so much more after the sexual aspect of our relationship started. At the beginning even though his marriage had major issues,he didnt want to leave for his kids sake, which i was ok with and it made me respect the type of an he was. But the more time we spent together the deeper our feelings became. Honestly I have never felt like this before about anyone. He is the ying to my yang, my soul mate and my best friend. And I know he feels the same way. And he has been talking about wanting to make a life with me. I dnt want to wreck his family and I know I’m being selfish but I love him and can’t give him up. I tried once and it was the worst time of my life. I was actually in physical pain and I had never seen him cry and he is such a tough guy that he never seemed the type. It tore my heart out and I vowed to myself to be patient and not pressure him for any commitment. To just let him come to the conclusion of what he wants and needs in his life. He says it’s me and that he’s leaving. One of his daughters wants to live with him and one is close to the mother and wants to stay with her (daughters are 17 and 15). He just needs to. E to sort out the financial stuff and everything. I really do believe that it’s going to work out. But it’s oo hard spending a lot of nights by myself especially after the nights we spend together and having him hold me so tight all night long. Am I delusional or even though it’s few and far between, can so.e of these situations actually work out? Or

    • Claire Casey June 8, 2017 at 1:34 pm #

      In answer to your question, Sabrina, yes. Sometimes things do work out. But those are the exception rather than the rule. Many times the same problems from the former relationship(s) cause problems in the new relationship. Rather than making things simpler, you’re usually adding stress and complexity (exes, kids, extended families, travel arrangements, jobs, and of course, emotional issues connected to the breakup) when you have a new relationship built out of an affair, even a long-term affair.

      I think the last study I saw about this said that marriages which began as affairs were twice as likely to end in divorce as marriages that didn’t begin from affairs. Those are hard odds.

      No matter what you all decide to do, I’m sending you best wishes and hopes that everyone will work as hard as they can to make love last. xoxo

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