If you’ve been dating for more than oh, five minutes, you already know that sometimes men disappear. It sucks the wind out of your sails and dumps ice water on your spirit…
Here’s WHY men disappear, and how to recover your heart and chart your course for some place – and some one – much more wonderful…
A powerful word for every woman whose boyfriend pulls a vanishing act…
Claire, I am with this guy who used to be so in love with me but now he’s acting as if we are just merely acquainted, so cold that sometimes scares me to talk to him as he might call it off. Now he never calls as often as before, not showing any affection towards me, no physical contact, no recreation together.
I am hurting but I don’t want to lose him, instead I want him to be so into me romantically. I’ve been reading lots of blogs about relationships and none seemed to work for me. What should I do? – Queen
Hi, beautiful. I can hear your pain, and I’m so sorry. Sometimes men disappear, and it can make a hash of your heart.
And if you never read another word of this article, I hope you’ll read the next little section, because it has the power to change your life, starting right this minute.
Put on your cloak of courage
If you feel you can’t talk to him for fear of him calling it off, then you’re definitely not in a good position in this relationship.
Instead, try thinking about how much you love yourself. You deserve to be able to talk to him in a kind, interested manner. You are a wonderfully-made, important human being. You are a strong woman and you deserve respect.
You have the right to speak to ANYone, especially people you care about, without fear. So banish your fear by putting on a cape of courage.
I call courage a cape or a cloak, because it doesn’t mean you don’t HAVE fear, only that you’re not letting it stop you from doing the important things in life…like speaking to a man whom you love in a way that invites an appropriate answer.
You have the fear, but you love yourself so much that you know you deserve respect, so you sling that cape over your shoulders and behave like the superhero of your own life.
Have you ever let that “special someone” go…and regretted it ever since? Want to rekindle the chemistry with “The One That Got Away”?
Okay, now I want to share with you some of the specific reasons men disappear. Look through the list and see if you can put your finger on the factor(s) at play in your relationship…
Top 9 Reasons Why Men Disappear
A man might leave a women he has been dating for a number of reasons. (And try to remember, even if you’re in a “I hate all men” rage, that women pull disappearing acts, too.)
- Men disappear because they’re no longer interested, or have become more interested in a different woman they’re dating
- Men disappear because they’re not looking for a deeper relationship or commitment
- Men disappear because they don’t consider you their girlfriend
- Men disappear from dating relationships because they are only interested in sex or a booty call
- Men disappear because they are married, or still in the process of divorce
- Men disappear because the two of you didn’t have good communication on issues that were important to the relationship (so a problem didn’t get solved)
- Men disappear because they learned something that changed their mind about the relationship
- Men disappear because they are dealing with problems they don’t want to share
- Men disappear because you became clingy, needy, or desperate
When men disappear without a trace it’s easy to let those crazy thoughts like “I’m not good enough,” or “There was something I should have done differently” suck away your time, energy, and focus.
And the way to STOP allowing those miserable feelings break you down is to get busy deciding what you’re going to do next…
Should you try to get him back? 3 questions to help you decide
Before you even consider trying to get him back, spend some time evaluating the relationship.
1. How long were you together?
If you’re feeling “devastated” but you only actually had 3 dates – you were definitely feeling desperate and over-invested.
I know it’s incredibly hard to resist the overwhelming feelings of hoping for love, being in a fresh, exciting relationship, but if you will give a relationship some time, you will begin to see the true shape of it, and the real (rather than fantasy-like) possibilities for the two of you together.
You need some time to grow together, to get through sticky issues together, to really learn what each of you values and desires.
2. How did he (really) treat you?
Were you consistently a top priority in his life? Did he make you feel like your strongest, best self? Was he trustworthy and a man of his word?
READ MORE: Do you have THIS “Super Glue” of Love?
3. Were you feeling desperate or needy?
Most of the time when a guy you’ve been dating goes “poof” and vanishes from sight, YOU did absolutely nothing wrong.
Take a look again at those 10 reasons men disappear: only a couple have anything to do with you. Mostly they are about him. But that last one is a doozy, and it trips up so many women.
Want to find out if you were a clingy girlfriend (and didn’t realize it)? Take the quiz at the link below.
TAKE THE QUIZ: Are You a Needy Girlfriend?
If you decide you want your ex back…
Then you have to watch this short video presentation by my friend, Brad Browning.Get him back
Brad reveals 3 critical facts that you MUST KNOW if you want to get him back on his knees, begging you for a second chance… (I can almost guarantee you’ve never even considered any of these 3 facts!)
If you do EXACTLY what this video teaches you, don’t be surprised if your ex boyfriend begins fantasizing about you… and bugging you to pick up your phone!
So if you’ve tried everything you can think of to get him back and you finally want the answer, then click HERE to learn more…
No matter what you choose: Be the hero of your own life!
Listen, everyone has needs, and that includes you, soulshine.
It’s up to YOU to provide the things you really need most in your life.
It’s up to you to build your ship, chart your course, and set sail for the dreams that live in your heart.
You gotta be living your beautiful life and not expecting a man to solve the problems, fix what’s wrong, hand you your dreams on a platter, or be the answer to what you feel is missing from your life.
No matter what you choose: WANT a man, but don’t NEED one
You want to be in a position where a man could be a beautiful addition to what you already have going. An amazing and fantastic partner to welcome into your life, but not a requirement for your own happiness or success.
So don’t take a man’s disappearing act personally. Chance are, it wasn’t a good match. He had some issues that kept him from being interested, he wasn’t ready to take the next step, he wasn’t willing to work at the long-term relationship with you. Whatever.
It’s good to know that he’s not the ONE, so that you can move ahead to find a man who is.
No matter what you choose: Keep learning about love
Don’t you wish there was a Relationship Magic Wand that would solve everything with one sparkly-purple pass??
But people are complex creatures, and real love is hard work which takes time to build.
So be curious. Seek to learn all you can about the crazy ways men and women fit together. Be willing to read LOTS of articles and books, sign up for courses, and test what you’re learning in new relationships.
A single blog post or article might help you understand why men disappear and/or how to get a man back, but it isn’t going to solve ALL your relationship problems. So keep learning and growing, one small step at a time.
Add your voice to the conversation!
Got a story, word of wisdom, or thought about why men disappear, or (more importantly) how to heal and renew your heart afterwards? Take a moment and leave a comment below!