I know, making time to make love sounds about as romantic as scheduling your next dental cleaning. But can scheduling sex help you get your relationship mojo back?
Would you consider scheduling your next session between the sheets with the man you love?
“Dear Claire, I have a frustrating issue. My boyfriend and I work different shifts, and he has two girls at home age 9 and 11. Even though we live in the same flat, we don’t see each other much. And our sex life is nearly dead I hate to admit. At first we made things work, but it was so much effort due to time issues that we kind of just stopped. I really don’t like the idea of scheduling sex, but I think our relationship is suffering due to not much intimacy. Got advice?” — Shana
There are two groups of people in the world: those who are fine with the idea and practice of scheduling sex, and those who would rather die first.
It divides people fiercely for a number of reasons. Here’s a list of the top 3 reasons couples give for not liking this as a solution:
1. Scheduling sex doesn’t feel “romantic”
No, it doesn’t. BUT! If getting lovemaking on your calendar is the best possible solution to renewing a struggling relationship, why not give it a whirl? What’s the worst that could happen?
2. We can’t agree on how often to schedule
Most couples have sex drives that run at different speeds. He wants it x times per week, she prefers y.
So, like with everything else in a relationship, you negotiate.
Maybe what she really loves is when the two of you spend quality time together, just talking. Why not schedule a date night every Friday (for her), and agree that you’ll have sex on Saturday morning (for him).
Mix and match until you both get some of the things you love most.
3. The person with the higher sex drive feels like his/her needs are “just another chore”
This one might be about the insecurity of the higher-drive partner, and the solution is to uncover the real reasons for this low self-esteem so they can be addressed.
Another problem is that sex isn’t much fun for the lower-drive partner. There are lots of possible solutions for that one, including getting good at foreplay, and making sure he or she is getting plenty of yummy fun things out of every session in the sack.
4 ways to schedule sex in the best way to build your relationship…
1. Make the window of opportunity wider
Rather than saying “Thursday at 9 pm,” try something like “Definitely on the weekend.” That allows a little more flexibility on the part of both parties.
2. Let the lower-drive partner decide the timing
Agree to a number of times per week or month, but let the lower-drive partner work it out on his/her schedule.
3. Schedule other important things for your relationship
Know what your partner’s love language is — the top 2 or 3 things that make them feel loved — then make filling those needs a priority.
4. And let scheduling sex be PART, but not ALL of your plan for intimacy
Shana, I totally get your situation. I have teenagers in the house and a husband who travels for work. We have a standing agreement that we will always get busy
- The first night he’s home after being away, and also
- Whenever the planets align and the kids (and all their friends) are out of the house at the same time.
And no, the first one is not the most romantic of set-ups.
But the second has proved to supply some of the most spontaneous and sizzling-hot fun of all. And it’s made us get good at taking full advantage of whatever time we have, whether it’s 15 minutes or a full hour.
And it’s worth adding that these aren’t the only ways we piece together our sex life. But they are at the foundation.
Give it a try! It may be just the solution you’re looking for.
Willing to try something a little bit crazy? These tiny messages attract men like flowers attract bees…
Watch this video and learn how to make him CRAVE you like mad with these little messages…
Notice how by blurting out a simple little message to that one special man makes him feel so much more in love with you…
These messages override every other thought in his head and he won’t be able to get you out of his mind…
Not even for a minute!
You can do it starting just minutes from now by blurting out an innocent little message… (This video explains it!)