While it’s easy to swim around in the dizzy lightness of being in love, it’s harder to actually KNOW if the two of you have a future together…
Is he The One for you? Here’s how to find out…
It’s easy to give in to the fizz of chemistry, to the feeling of electricity under your skin every time he touches you. It’s so crazily simple to let all those delicious buzzy emotions make you think he’s The One, the guy you want to take home to mother – or actually, just take home to your couch so you two can tangle up in each other again.
But there’s more to consider than the fact that all your sheets are singed around the edges, and you keep walking around with that goofy grin on your face…
So what are the essentials? Here’s a simple way to begin figuring out if you have a future together…
Hi Claire, I like this guy that is 18 yrs younger then me. He is single, I will be divorced soon. We text and we have had sex a few times. Do you think my expectations are too high as far as any future with him? – Joelle
Hi Joelle; thanks for taking the time to message. Yours is a slightly complicated situation since technically you’re still married, but there are several powerful tools you can use to start to figure out whether you have a future together with this new man.
But before I give you those, we should talk briefly about rebound relationships…
Do “rebound relationships” last?
A rebound relationship is when you start a new relationship before the old one is finished.
Before anything else, you may want to first consider whether sleeping with this new guy could legally put you at a disadvantage as your divorce proceedings move forward. (This varies from state to state.)
Now, there are 2 major things that are true of rebound relationships:
- Rebound relationships MAY prevent you from fully resolving emotions from the last relationship.
- AND, rebound relationships MAY help you rebuild your self-esteem and speed up your healing process.
So the trick is to make sure you don’t just ignore all the things that went wrong in your previous relationship.
Understand and own your part in them so that you can improve on the next go-round.
Now that we have that out of the way, here are two great tools that you can use to help evaluate your situation with this new boyfriend or ANY guy you choose to date in the future.
Use these 2 powerful Quiz Tools to find out if the two of you have a future together…
The “Is This The Man For Me” quiz is a simple, 10-question quiz to help you figure out how much of a good match the two of you have. Don’t forget to FLIP the quiz and answer the same questions from his perspective about yourself.
The “9 Signs He’s Wrong For You” list is kind of the same coin, opposite side. There are 9 items for you to take a look at, with one (super sucky) extra item that applies in many cases.
Girlfriend, I gotta tell ya, it’s SO much better to take a serious look at these now, rather than find yourself in deep trouble later.
What kind of expectations you should have now
Off the top of my head, I would say that your new boyfriend might be simply taking advantage of the offer of sex from a woman going through a painful breakup. He’s young, he’s horny, you’re available, and you’re probably hungry for intimacy. And lots of young men find older women attractive.
So here’s my best advice for what kind of expectations you should have: very light.
In fact, once you’re actually divorced, you should go into ANY new relationship casually, with simple and non-complicated expectations at first.
When you’re in a fresh relationship is never the time to be making serious decisions about whether you have a future together; let that wait until you get to know him a bit better. That’s a good reason to set yourself a timeline – say 6 months or so – before you consider another deep commitment.
And casually date more than one guy! That way you can get back into the dating world a bit, see what’s out there, learn something new about your “single” self.
There’s a time and a place for intensity, and you’re just not there yet, especially not now, with your divorce still in process.
You deserve ALL of the RIGHT man's heart...
Crawl into your man’s mind and soul and make him not just fall in love with you… but also COMMIT to you on such a deep, primal level he can barely understand it himself.
Watch this video and find out how one ordinary woman captured the heart of a committed "player," and made an honest man out of him!