Just because a man is a baby daddy does not mean he will be a good father or a good boyfriend. (It’s true for women as well, of course.)
But when you’re brand new to love, it’s hard to know what’s acceptable and what isn’t. And babies make things even MORE complicated…
But making a child and building a good relationship are two very different (not always related) things…
“My baby daddy says he loves me too but he doesn’t show it…”
“I’m with my boyfriend of two years. I really love him, he says he loves me too but he doesn’t show it. We have a beautiful 10 month old baby girl that we both LOVE & ADORE (We decided to have a baby & I got pregnant 6 months into the relationship.)
He was NEVER PRESENT when I was pregnant. We live separately & if I don’t take our daughter to see him & spend time with him, he won’t come & look for us. We never do anything together as a family. Other than his parents and his siblings, no one else in his family knows about his daughter.
When I was pregnant, I found out that he was texting other women, even his ex & they were talking about getting back together. When I found out I CRIIIIIIIIED & he told me he was just lying to all of them & he only loves me.
I don’t trust him & quite frankly, I AM INSECURE. Sometimes I feel like just giving up the relationship & just be cordial for our daughter’s sake.
It’s like he’s not there, whenever I try to talk to him, he never listens. He tells me that all I want to do is quarrel. He doesn’t show me affection around his family, but when we’re alone he wants to have sex without even getting me aroused. The last time we had sex i stopped because i told him he was hurting me & he just kept on doing HIM. Now I don’t even want to have sex with him anymore.
Claire, could you please help me? This is the 1st time I’ve been in love & I’m just hurting!” —T.
Sweet woman. I can hear your struggle in every word, and my heart goes out to you.
Let me put together a quick list of some of the things I’m hearing about this baby daddy:
- He says he loves you but you don’t feel loved.
- He made a baby with you but doesn’t seem to support you financially and you don’t live together.
- He made a baby with you but doesn’t seek out or make an effort to spend time with his daughter.
- People don’t know he has a daughter, which tells me he’s not proud of her, or truly claiming her in any way.
- He still carries on relationships with other women (and possibly lies to you about it).
- He doesn’t listen to you.
- He doesn’t appear to be interested in the things that are important to you.
- He only wants you for sex.
- Even with sex, he’s not willing to make it feel good for you, or stop completely when he’s hurting you.
Men who care about their children and their partners don’t behave this way.
Making a baby — becoming a baby daddy — does not automatically mean a man is a true father or a boyfriend.
It’s no wonder you feel insecure!
Follow your instinct.
I hope you will be able to find the strength to give up this damaging, hurtful relationship.
Be civil and polite with him when it comes to your daughter, but don’t agree to anything more, and especially no sex.
And be protective of your daughter!
Don’t make enormous efforts to help him get to know her if he has no more care for her well-being than he had for yours.
Protect your little girl as well as yourself.
You want her to grow up seeing you as a strong, confident woman who doesn’t allow men (even her biological father) to treat you OR the people you love this way.
If you don’t, you run the risk that she will grow up expecting to be treated terribly by men, and I know you don’t want that.
Let go of the baby daddy, and call together your OWN family
You can create a healthier family for yourself and your daughter than the one you started with.
Who are the people that TRULY have your best interest at heart? Start with those, and keep investing time and energy into those relationships.
Take a moment in your life to note these simple things so that you don’t have to go through this kind of pain again.
When you meet a man (or anyone) who
- you don’t trust, even after working toward that for months
- you don’t feel is supportive, even when they have good reason to be
- shows no caring for you, and shows no interest in what makes you feel loved
- makes you feel like giving up
That’s not someone who can be trusted with the most important parts of yourself.
That’s not someone you want to have influence over your child.
You have the power to make the change.
Lean on your most-trusted family and friends. Be firm and clear. Don’t plead or cry or beg him to treat you better.
Break off the relationship in every way you are able to do so.
Take some time to heal.
When you’re ready, start dating other guys.
You deserve so much more, and there ARE men out there who are better.
When you’re tired of “low-investment” relationships, and are ready for COMMITTED partnership…
If you’ve ever wondered why it seems so difficult to find a high-quality man for a long-term, committed relationship…
You have to hear what this very smart, very interesting woman has to say.
She was raised (from the time she was a child!) with a secret passed down from her mother that most women NEVER learn.
And you can get the same results with your man.
You’ll find out…
- A little-known “mind virus” that’s actually prevents him from committing to you. You’ll discover how to fix this little “mental virus” in 30 seconds so you can experience more happiness and fulfillment with your man (and so he’ll begin thinking about committing to you right away).
- The single biggest mistake women make when communicating with their man that instantly makes him want to avoid her. If he’s become cold and distant, it’s most likely because of this.
- The #1 criteria men use to decide if you’re “long term relationship material” or just good for short-term sex. Hint: it’s not at all what you think, and has nothing to do with sex. Most women around the world were taught the exact opposite of what really works.
- Do you find yourself giving too much in relationship and never receiving? It could be because you were giving him the wrong things. Learn the one thing you must give him that actually compels him to want to give you WAY more in return.
If you have ever asked yourself, “Where are all the good men?”
You should listen to Luba Evans’s story…(and you can READ if you prefer that to listening)
No more wondering why he’s not pursuing you…
No more trying to “test the waters” and see if he’s ready to commit.
You’ve never heard anything like this before…
PS: And listen, if you’re with someone now and you decide to move on at some point in your life, it won’t matter.
You’ll have the rock solid confidence of knowing you can not only attract a great man into your life, and you’ll also have transformed into the kind of woman who can easily keep him.
How wonderful would that feel!?
To know that you never again have to worry about being alone, because you’ll have the one thing men desperately want in a woman (and never get).