A word for women who give SO much — and maybe you give TOO much (but you also want much love in return)…
“Hi Claire. How does a woman not out-give her man, especially if she works too and makes more than he does? If a woman is a natural giver, can two givers live in harmony forever more? What do they both need to be careful of?” —J.
Hi beautiful J. I think what you’re talking about here is how to have a balanced relationship, one that can make it for the long term.
Because if one partner is doing most of the work (both career-wise as well as at home) the relationship is definitely going to suffer. One-sided relationships my limp along for years, but they aren’t healthy for either partner.
So here are the MAIN things you should keep in mind, as a woman who gives a lot (or if you give too much)…
Because you DO want to give him the things he craves and loves, AND you also want him to do the same for you, in a balanced, healthy, love-increasing (and sometimes sizzling-hot!) way.
There’s nothing more important for relationship balance than great communication.
That means you need to feel comfortable and willing to know the important issues, be good at talking to each other, and be willing to go back to an issue again and again until it gets solved.
Here are a few other key pieces to the communication puzzle:
- Share stories as they begin, rather than waiting until they’re critical.
- Tell him significant things face to face rather than by text or phone.
- Have a specific goal for when you need to communicate something emotionally important.
- Go hard on the issue, easy on the person.
- If you name a problem, offer a solution.
- Invite feedback and listen fully and attentively. (And remember, listening is not the same as agreeing.)
Know — and share — what you need to feel loved.
Communication and knowing your love language may be the TOP TWO most important things if you give a lot (or if you give too much) in a relationship.
What does your partner need to do to make YOU feel loved and cared for?
Your answer to this needs to be quite specific, and you have to be able to let each other know when your emotional bank account feels like it’s getting low.
And of course, you need to know what makes him feel loved, too. But chances are, if you’er a “giver,” you may already know and be doing that.
Accept that disagreements and conflict are a normal part of a shared life.
Just because you’ve been together for a long time does NOT mean that you stop facing conflict.
But hopefully, you get better at facing — and winning your way through — the inevitable storms, struggles, and problems you’ll face.
Keep building trust.
Trust isn’t something you build up once and never have to deal with again.
In addition to knowing and doing what makes your partner feel loved, there are four big building blocks of trust, and you want to spend time cultivating each one of the skills involved.
- Become a great listener, and seek to understand the other person’s position before trying to explain/convince them of your own.
- Let your words consistently match your actions and beliefs.
- Have solid life goals and boundaries, and know how to be clear with others about expectations for them. Don’t expect others — especially your boyfriend or husband — to read your mind.
- Be responsible and accountable. When you mess up, apologize and make things right.
Maintain your independence from him as well as your intimacy with him.
Your relationship should never be largely centered on one or the other partner (just like it should never be entirely about your kids).
Keep pursuing your own dreams and goals for life, and encourage him to pursue his. Maintain your tribe of girlfriends, mentors, and coaches. Have hobbies that you share, and those you don’t.
Your WORDS have so much POWER. Use them to build trust and openness, and make him happily crazy for you…!
Smart women are aware of how much POWER their words can have on a man (and smart women use this power for GOOD things in the world).
These words — and this VERY unexpected text — attracts men like crazy.
They ALSO get trust and open communication from him.
These are some insanely powerful words for a man to hear!
If you’re interested in grabbing a man’s attention and making him crave you in the best possible way, you should know about this.
It cranks up his emotional intensity towards you and he feels this hot, raw and intense craving or desire for you which is pretty delicious for most guys. 🙂
It’s the kind of love which makes a man lay awake at night thinking about you (how’s that for a change?), the kind of love which makes him want to hold you, touch you and be close to you as much as possible.
That makes him see YOU as his best possible choice.
And I know you’re not the type to throw these words around at just any man.
Use them because they are helping you connect with a SPECIAL man, a man YOU choose, and want to try things out (or go deeper) with.
PS: This “word recipe” works on ALL men – whether you are already married or if the two of you are currently just casual acquaintances.
Let him treat you like the QUEEN you are, girlfriend!