So many times in love you are so close to what you dream of... Mostly happy, and you can eve SEE what would really put you right in the middle of that column of love sunshine, pouring down into your heart and soul…
“Claire, I’m mostly happy, BUT…”
“I need advice, Claire, because I think I’m in a not good place with my boyfriend of 4 years. On the one hand, things have gone well in my opinion, but we don’t seem to be actually going anywhere. We don’t live together, but we see each other every week at least (yes, sleeping together), but that seems to be all. We are exclusive, but I keep thinking we’ll talk about moving in or getting married, but he never brings it up. I’m mostly happy, but next year I turn 34, and just thinking we should be getting married soon?” —C.
Hi there, C. Yep, you’re genuinely stuck. If I had to make a guess, I bet he would not say the same. It sounds like he’s content for things to be where they are, so it’s going to be up to you to get yourself from “mostly happy” to ALL happy.
And guess what? It’s a clear and simple path. And this process works NOT ONLY for this particular situation, but for LOTS of situations you’ll encounter in your relationship…
1. Decide whether you want to keep on like this indefinitely or not.
You can probably check this one right off the list. Nice, right? Because you wouldn’t be emailing me if you were only “mostly happy.” Girlfriend, you want more.
2. Get yourself a general timeline in mind for when you want change to happen.
Again, this one is pretty easy.
Ask yourself this: Am I willing to spend ___ more months or years waiting to know for sure that my boyfriend intends to marry me?
Now fill in the blank with 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, 2 years, and so on until you know for sure where you are.
Voila! You’ve found your timeline.
(Note: Timelines change, just like people and relationships change. But this is a good starting point.)
3. Get very clear about your options so that you know what YOU are going to do, no matter what HE chooses
You’re going to talk with him about this (more below), but before you do, you need to know how you will respond in each possible scenario.
- What will you do if he tells you he really doesn’t want to marry?
- What will you do if he tells you he wants to “wait and see”?
- What will you do if you find out his timeline is almost, but not quite the same as yours? What if it’s radically different?
Think through these, so you’ll be prepared. Remember that your goal isn’t to be “mostly happy,” but to be truly in the center of the life you dream of.
4. Raise the subject with him (in multiple conversations, if necessary)
Tell him what you love about him, how the relationship has made you feel.
Then raise your issue in the simplest and least-complicated way you can.
Here’s a script you can adapt for the tricky bit:
“I want to be able to wake up every day to the man I love. I’d like to be there for him when he needs me, and know that he is there for me no matter what I’m facing. I enjoy having a boyfriend, but I don’t want to have a boyfriend – even one as marvelous as you – forever. I want to get married one day. Not right now, but probably in the next 2 years.”
And invite him to tell you what he thinks!
Give him plenty of time to talk it through and figure it out, and LISTEN deeply to the words of his heart.
And remember this:
The most important relationship issues are NOT SOLVED within the space of one conversation. You’ll need to find a good time and way to close the conversation for the moment, and let him know that both of you will come back to it again.
You can even ask him when a good time to talk again about it might be.
Then YOU be responsible for bringing it up again, because this is something YOU want to change.
5. Follow through
This is the hard one, beautiful heart.
You are mostly happy. But you can almost TASTE the sweet, complex, and joy-filled gift of all happy.
And you get to take up the reins of your life and decide where you want to go, and you want to make sure you free yourself up to build the life and love you dream of and deserve… If he’s not interested in doing that with you, then you have to be available for the man who is.
Get the very best of his DEVOTION (and make him feel like the LUCKIEST man ever)
Have you ever had a man feel such unconditional and never-ending love for you that he could kiss or hug you a thousand times and still not be satisfied?
Ask him a question like THIS and make him feel like the luckiest man alive…
Once you try the “Devotion Sequence” out, e-mail me and let me know how it worked for you!
This will leave him so emotionally weak for you he won’t be able to help but chase you, dream of you, and want you in the best possible way.
You seriously need to try this out yourself because it’s worked well for thousands of women already!
PS: Natalie has an amazing 13-part video training series and 3 bonus ebooks including “Cheat-Proofing Your Relationship” (that’s one you gotta read, girlfriend).
You can use this on the man you adore, OR…
You can even try it on that stubborn guy who rejected you or never loved you the way you wanted and watch (and listen)… As he tells you that he is the luckiest man on the planet to have a woman like you by his side!