Breakups and Recovery

How to Get Him Out Of Your Head – Even If You KNOW He Was Wrong For You

You can’t get him out of your head, even though you KNOW he was wrong for you. You can’t seem to stop thinking of him and wanting him, and it’s derailing your life. Here’s help.

Any magic way to erase the thoughts of a man I’m in love with (but shouldn’t be)?

“Claire, thank you for the message about when strong women get tired of being strong. That has been my life story.

After a messy break up that was preceded by a frustrating year of a year and half relationship, I have given up on that and I’m running my business solo and raising my 16 year old on my own. Everything feels hard.

The first 6 months was a dream come true but then things began to deteriorate.

He invited his friend and her boyfriend to come along on a romantic weekend that I arranged, without asking me first what I thought.

Two weeks later he cut me off completely after a phone call in which I expressed being emotionally depleted after being under a huge amount of stress.

He told me a week later that I made him want to kill himself. I know he didn’t mean it the way it sounds but it hurt. Especially since I have two younger brothers that killed themselves.

Get a GOOD man in a COMMITTED relationshipHe said I had expectations. I told him they weren’t expectations, I just got better at stating my preferences.

He was very negative and passed judgement about everyone and everything.

I even ended the relationship for a week before he pulled me back in. He wants to be friends, but I want to be his woman. Why?!?!? It was pretty awful.

I don’t understand why I miss him so much. I’m doing everything I know to forget about what we could have had.

I’m loving myself, being kind to myself. I’m online dating again, partly to open myself to my next great love affair, also as an ego boost and distraction but mostly to get over him. I’m still drawn to thinking about him, wanting him…and I feel pretty nuts.

Any insight? Any magic way to erase the thought of a man I’m in love with but have no good reason to love romantically? ” — K.

Breakups are so hard, heart-scarred woman. I know you want to get him out of your head, but this one is especially difficult because of all the damage he caused.

You were amazing in knowing that this sort of behavior does not make a healthy relationship. You got out even though it was hard to do. Good for you, sister.

The “pining” that you’re doing is very ordinary.

All of us engage in some level of fantasy daydreaming — “It would have been wonderful, IF ONLY…”

But you can’t live your life that way, as you already know.

You will get him out of your head eventually, but you need time, beautiful.

You need to keep DOING the right things (building your new life) and eventually this painful breakup won’t be able to claim so much of your thinking.

Start getting free by reminding yourself of the REALITY…

Buy yourself a fresh journal and do some writing about the things he did that caused you damage, and showed how little he truly cared for your well-being.

Honestly, even just making a list on a scrap of paper will work.

Here are some of the things you already mentioned:

  • He was inconsiderate and inappropriate to invite others on YOUR trip, without asking you.
  • He behaved childishly with you on the phone.
  • He was uncaring and unwilling to be helpful when you were struggling.
  • He was EXTREMELY inappropriate to tell you that because of you, he wanted to kill himself. (That’s a massive step over the line, especially given your history with this issue.)
  • He was negative and judgmental.
  • His toxic behavior caused you to end it with him.

Write it all down, as many times as you need to. Get all the details of how much he hurt you, ignored you, treated you terribly. This is going to be how you start to (finally) get him out of your head.

Make this your mantra:

There are plenty of men in the world who are better, healthier, and more loving than [his name].

I deserve better than [his name].

When I free myself from the emotional residue of [this man] I will be a much healthier woman.

So, to answer your VERY specific, and very good question about how to get him out of your head, I made you a list! (These are also good steps for a CLEAN breakup…)

9 Tactics to get him OUT of your head and STOP constantly thinking of him

  • Share your story with a trusted friend
  • Write it out in your journal
  • Get rid of the things in your space that remind you of him
  • Schedule regular but LIMITED “obsession” sessions
  • List the very serious problems that you had, then create a ritual (a small beach fire, a quiet burial in the woods) of your journal notes
  • Hit the gym, books, career path, dating world, etc.
  • Reward yourself for reaching small timeline markers (one month, six months, etc)
  • Read up on the grieving process (because that’s what you’re going through)
  • Go easy on yourself

You’re already doing many of the right things, you just have to keep moving forward!

If you’ve ever wondered why it seems so difficult to find a high-quality man for a long-term, committed relationship…

You have to hear what this very smart, very interesting woman has to say.

Your heart may be broken. But when you’re ready to get him out of your head for GOOD, and find an amazing man and an amazing relationship… This woman’s wisdom is simple, clear, and EFFECTIVE in building long-term, committed relationships.

Give her a chance to tell you about what she learned growing up, and why it has helped her overcome every single obstacle most women face when trying to build healthy relationships with men…

Finally get the commitment you crave

You’ll learn:

  • The single biggest mistake women make when communicating with their man that instantly makes him want to avoid her. If he’s become cold and distant, it’s most likely because of this.
  • The #1 criteria men use to decide if you’re “long term relationship material” or just good for short-term sex. HINT: it’s not at all what you think, and has nothing to do with sex. Most women around the world were taught the exact opposite of what really works.
  • Do you find yourself giving too much in a relationship and never receiving? It could be because you were GIVING him the WRONG things. Learn the one thing you must give him that actually compels him to want to give you WAY more in return.
  • A little-known “mind virus” that’s actually prevents him from committing to you. You’ll discover how to fix this little “mental virus” in 30 seconds so you can experience more happiness and fulfillment with your man.

And so much more.

If you have ever asked yourself, “Where are all the good men?”

You should listen to this…(and you can READ if you prefer that to listening)

No more wondering why the GOOD MEN are not pursuing you or showing up in your dating life….

No more trying to constantly “test the waters” and see if he’s commitment material.

You’ve never heard anything like this before…

xoxo Claire

PS: And listen, if you’re with someone now THIS WORKS GREAT for building what you HAVE into what you DREAM OF.

AND, if you are thinking the man you’re with is probably NOT the man you’ll want to settle in with for the long term, this is even better, because…

You’ll have the rock solid confidence of knowing you can not only attract a great man into your life, and you’ll also have transformed into the kind of woman who can easily keep him.

You can attract a good man, on your terms, any time you’re ready!

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