“I feel like I got dumped even before we got into a relationship…”
“Claire, I had a big big crush on this guy ever since I first saw him. I tried every tactic so I could be his friend, and it worked!
A few months later he started to get touchy, and I couldn’t tell if it was a friendly type of touchy or a potential boyfriend kind of touchy until one night when we were watching a movie together and we ended up kissing.
It got confusing for me after that because I didn’t know what our label was anymore. I also didn’t want to bring it up with him because I know guys are afraid of talking about commitments, and I didn’t want to lose him yet.
The next day while we were texting, he said that he wasn’t the type to hook up and that the night before was a temporary lapse of judgement.
It broke my heart big time. I thought we were getting along so well, we were texting every day, he was starting to open up and all, I felt like I was making progress when it comes to getting close with him.
But that text ruined everything! I wonder if he even liked me, or just played me. I even wonder if I have a place in his heart anymore.
I am trying to limit my social media posts, and trying to not text him. Is the no contact rule applicable to my situation? I feel like I got dumped even before we got into a relationship. He clearly sent me mixed signals.” — C.
I know it doesn’t feel like a good thing, beautiful, but this is a good thing.
He was testing things out with you, but he wasn’t ready.
He tested the waters of a more committed relationship with you, and he learned (and communicated with you) that he wasn’t ready or willing to take things to the next stage.
Being dumped is no fun. It hurts to feel rejected. Not every man will be a match.
But it’s important for you to know that testing is allowed, and in fact, YOU get to do it too!
YOU are allowed to
- go on a date
- kiss a guy goodnight
- have a make-out session on the couch
and NONE of it obligates you to anything more, ever.
No, he didn’t handle this in the best possible way.
This would have been better face to face, and it would have been MUCH better with a different choice of language.
“Lapse in judgement” sounds pretty awful.
He could have said…
- “You are very attractive, and I got a little carried away last night, but I just wanted to be up front and let you know that even though I had a really enjoyable time with you, I don’t see us as more than friends.”
- “I enjoyed spending time with you, but the chemistry isn’t there for me.”
- “You’re an amazing woman, but I don’t think we’re really compatible.”
Instead, he dumped you pretty ungracefully. I hope he’ll learn from it.
3 small answers to your “wonders”…
For what it’s worth, if you are kissing hot and heavy on the couch, you’re not friends any more. You may not really be boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but you’re certainly testing that out.
Also, I don’t think you have to worry about being “played.” That’s almost always about sex, not just a few steamy kisses in front of a movie.
Finally, this doesn’t really qualify for “mixed signals.” This is more a natural progression of becoming friends, testing out a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, and deciding (in his case) that he wasn’t ready.
All normal stuff, although…
Does it sting? Yeah. Always. However…
Like I said, not every guy is going to be a great match for you. That’s okay. That’s what dating is all about.
You did a great job of building up this relationship, and you tested things out with him, and it sounds like it’s not going to go further, but you didn’t do anything wrong.
In fact, you did everything right, lovely soul!
And you’re also allowed to feel sad you got dumped, that it didn’t work out like you’d hoped.
Feel sad. Tell your girlfriends about it.
Journal, walk on the beach, or do the things that you already know will help your heart heal.
Your best option for moving forward is this…
The “no contact rule” is really only going to work when you’ve already been involved in a more substantial relationship.
In this case, I think a better option would be for you to simply start dating.
There’s very little more attractive to a man than a confident, happy woman who is in demand by other men.
Don’t let this cause you to doubt yourself or stop living your beautiful life!
Maybe he doesn’t see you as “the one” right now, BUT…
Your man is really not that into you, or just doesn’t see you as “the one” right now…
Maybe there’s even another woman in his life — one he hasn’t told you about.
But guess what? YOU COULD bring love roaring into your life even if he’s been distant, non-existent or not putting you first.
Want to know how?
This is how Deborra-Lee Furness won the heart of Hugh Jackman years ago; this is how she’s kept him faithful and DEEPLY in love even though she’s ten years older than him (and has gained weight).
Don’t wait any longer!
When you watch Carrie Engal’s video you’ll learn some deeply magical, wonderful things about male psychology and how to be the woman he sees as “The One.”
(He may even start begging you to be with him forever when you use it…)
PS: This will deeply reach your man’s heart (even if he’s been pulling away).
You’ll learn 7 vital tips most women don’t know that you can use right now to instantly reach your man, improve your love life and have him begging you to stay by his side forever.
If you’ve ever wanted a man to honestly and genuinely commit to you, then you should watch this now.
It might very well be the key that reaches him and unlocks his heart.