He ghosted on you. And he’s not the first one, either. What makes men disappear like this? And is there a solution?
YES there is. Here’s a “ghost man” solution that really works…
“Was it a relationship or a hook up?”
“Hello Claire. There’s a guy, we started texting, and after a few weeks we started calling, then one night out of the blue he called and asked me over. We talked for a little bit. He invited me to a concert (I declined, not my choice in music). He asked about my son, and he even said he’d like to make me dinner sometime.
Anyway, things got touchy feely, and we were intimate. When we were finished, he asked me “stay the night, I want to cuddle you.” I said, I can’t, I have to get home to my son. By the next day, he text his usual good morning text and asked if I was okay. I felt great, so I replied with a simple, never better.
Then it happened, his texts got shorter, and he was more distant. I asked him in a text, “are you scared of me?” He replied…”I’m not scared of you, just what comes with you.” Then the text and calls stopped altogether.
I thought, he’s the one! I thought I did everything right, I took time getting to know him before getting intimate, and the sex was beyond great (he raved about seeing stars) and now I am left wondering what I did wrong to have him shut off (ghost me).
I haven’t texted or called him in a year. But he’s been on my mind for the past few weeks. What I want to figure out is, was it a relationship and he got cold feet, or a hook up (once and done). Ughhh the agony of not understanding.” — Heartbroken
No, it wasn’t a “relationship,” it was a hook up, then he ghosted. But there are a lot of things going on here, darling Heartbroken, and I can understand why you might want to spend some time untangling it.
Because knowing what went wrong and why he ghosted on you will absolutely put you in a much better position in your next relationship…
Texting (and even calling) is NOT a good indicator of who someone REALLY is.
I know you thought you “took time getting to know him before getting intimate,” but if all you did was text, you didn’t actually know anything real, just yet.
Why not? Because with texting (or looking at a man’s social posts),
- You only get a very tiny window into his world.
- You only see what he wants you to see.
- A text (or Instagram, or Facebook post, etc.) is often highly edited, filtered, or “photoshopped.”
- He’s only showing his best side.
So texting (and even phone calls!) are less “powerful” — and certainly less useful — in getting to know a guy than, for example, a few face-to-face encounters or a few dates.
So what should you do?
- Don’t take what you read/see via online platforms too seriously.
- Don’t trust and open up so quickly. For men who make hooking up (and nothing else) their priority, you’re revealing yourself as a likely candidate for their games.
A first “date” that happens in his apartment isn’t really a first date. It’s an invitation to bed.
Why? Because the deck is stacked in his favor.
It’s his space and territory, a place where YOU may be a little off-balance but HE is completely (literally) “at home.”
It’s also a place with extremely convenient access to his bed.
If you decide on a little kissing in a public park or after a concert, that’s one thing. You’re not likely to get down and dirty right there.
But if you’re ALREADY ten feet from his couch or bed, the chances that you’ll get naked are greatly increased.
So what should you do?
- Have your first few dates as actual dates. Concerts, meals, coffee, even a hike along a pretty mountain trail are better options. Don’t even consider “going to his place” as a date.
- Resist the urge to go back to his place after your dates. The longer you make the “getting to know you” phase, the better you’ll… get to know him!
Sleeping with someone on the first date is often the death blow to any hope of a relationship.
This isn’t a hard and fast rule, of course. You’ll find exceptions.
But there are so many men who are interested in sex without strings that if you GIVE them sex right away, they’ll automatically put you in the booty call category. If he ghosted on you, this may be the reason.
AND, just because he thinks the sex is awesome (“seeing stars”) doesn’t mean he’s interested in a relationship. It only means he enjoyed the sex.
So what should you do?
- If you’re interested in a relationship, don’t jump right into bed.
- Hold yourself a little in reserve. Falling in lust is fun, but it’s not a reliable way to know if a man is “the one.”
Regarding his crappy excuse when he ghosted on you…
I hate that he essentially told you that the reason he ghosted out was the fact that you have a son.
That was a low blow, and he knew it.
But there was also an element of truth to it: If you can’t/won’t sleep with him whenever he wants (because you have a son), then he’s off to find easier and more frequent sex.
He’s not interested in a package deal, a real relationship, or any kinds of obligations.
It’s better to KNOW that than to NOT know it.
You don’t want a man who only wants you this way.
I know he ghosted but he’s STILL on your mind, and that’s been driving you nuts. But now you know what went wrong and how to fix it.
The very best way to kick this ghost guy out of your thoughts is to date other men! You are strong and wise and you want more for yourself. So go find it!
Try this help for your busted-up heart…
You don’t want to be the booty call!
It’s Amy North’s advanced sequence of words called a “Devotion Sequence” that will make a man feel a hungry desire for you…
It doesn’t matter if you just came out of a bad breakup, and it has NOTHING to do with how pretty or attractive you think you have to be.
Because once these innocent words reach a man’s ear, he won’t be able to stop thinking about you all day long…
In a FRESH, NEW way that’s NOT about being an “annoying ex” or his “sometimes side dish”
Take a look at Amy’s video ONLY if you’re serious about change. And maybe my advice in this post is plenty for you to move forward on.
But if you need help with moving on after he ghosted — and this time, to a GOOD MAN, then you seriously need to try this out yourself because it’s worked well for thousands of women already…
DO IT because your love is being WASTED — just tossed on the garbage heap — on a man if he doesn’t appreciate you.
DO IT because you feel STUCK on him, and can’t seem to break free in to the much, much better life and love you deserve.
DO IT FOR YOU, Beautiful woman.
Try it out… Once you use Amy’s weirdly effective “Devotion Sequence” on any man, he will feel desperate to never let you go.
PS: It doesn’t matter if you’re single or not either, because Amy’s program will even work on your cold husband or boyfriend too…