After a painful breakup, it’s hard to get order back in your life if you can’t get him out of your mind.
The emotional storm-chaos is so overwhelming, and you just sit and stare helplessly at all the broken promises, missed opportunities, and overturned hopes.
If you’d like a quick bump out of the soul-killing rut, click here. And there’s more below to help.
“I’m trying very hard to move on, but I can’t get him OUT of my mind…”
“Dear Claire, last April my boyfriend of 7 years moved out of state and I didn’t hear from him til September, when he wished me happy birthday on FB. I waited a few days until I replied to him 3 very unpleasant words. He had moved for work, always telling me it was temporary, and that he wanted me there with him. The complicated part was that his ex wife had also moved there, but he swore that he didn’t love her.
In the meantime, I discovered what a narcissist was, and how they work. I realized what a fool I had been. I’m trying very hard to move on, but I can’t get him out of my mind. What actual steps can I take to get him OUT of my mind?” —L.
A boyfriend of 7 years who suddenly moves away and goes completely out of communication for 6 months is not someone you want your heart or life connected with, is it?
I’m so sorry, L. You did the right thing in deciding to move on and put his poor treatment behind you.
Here are a 7 specific steps that will help you get him out of your mind so that you can THRIVE again…
And before you start, get this one powerful point firmly in your mind…
Remember: This happened, but it’s not who you are.
You already know, of course, that this isn’t the kind of thing you can pretend never happened. You can’t force yourself to never think of him again.
Take things one day at a time, understanding that your mind WILL turn back to him and your emotions WILL be triggered by thoughts and memories of him Accept this as just another part of your healing.
You can’t erase this from your universe. It’s part of you, but it’s not who you are.
1. Get him out of your mind by accepting your emotions.
The simple truth is that you’re going to feel plenty of anger (and sadness, and grief, etc.) toward him. You might be tempted to lash out and let him know just how hurtful he was. You may even have nights when you miss him.
Instead of trying to shut down your emotions, accept them. And when they do show up, write them down. Sit with them. Call up a trusted friend and pour your heart out.
Seven years is a big piece of your life! You had a lot of dreams for your future together. This is going to be very hard, and part of your work is to acknowledge your grief, name this loss, and feel the things you feel about it.
2. Get him out of your mind by changing your language.
Shift your language about the relationship from “I need to let this go” to “I AM letting this go.”
Change “I’ve been a fool,” to “I’m learning and growing.”
Instead of “I hate this,” try “I am bigger than this.”
Monitor the way you talk and think. The more positive language you use, the quicker your healing will happen!
3. Get him out of your mind by doing your emotional house cleaning.
This means you clean up your physical environment, slowly getting rid of the things that remind you of him.
Then you ALSO clean up your digital house, deleting photos, blocking people, cleaning up your social media presence, and generally getting things back in the best order for your good health.
4. Get him out of your mind with this 5-minute meditation for letting go…
As often as you can, give yourself 5 minutes for letting go.
Always begin with something simple to mark the meditation, like lighting a candle, tying a ribbon around your wrist, gathering five leaves or stones, or something similar.
Then set your intention. Something like, “May I let go of the stones in my heart around ___. May these stones be replaced by love and beauty…”
Or, “May I find emotional freedom again.”
Then just sit and breathe. Don’t spend your 5 minutes actively thinking. Just breathe. Stare at the candle flame. Be.
At the end, expand your wish to encompass all the world. For example, “May all the world find emotional freedom…”
Then blow out your candle (or scatter your leaves, untie your ribbon), and end your meditation.
5. Get him out of your mind by creating rituals to help you mark your path.
I’ve had to burn some journals and letters before. It made me feel better.
You might find some symbols (pebbles, bottle caps, string, acorns, etc) that represent your relationship or your injuries, and create a ritual to help you work your way through your emotions.
For example… Carry around a piece of string in your pocket or purse. Each time you have a burst of being upset about a particular event, stop and say: “You really hurt me when you did ___.” Sit with that pain for a moment, then (literally!) cut the string and throw it away.
Maybe you’ll choose to plant a tree, or start a garden to represent bringing life from all the sadness and frustration.
6. Get him out of your mind by actively choosing self-care.
Exercise your body — this is how you gain strength over your pain. Eat well. Know your limits. Find ways to give yourself small breaks throughout your day. Feed your soul. Get good sleep. Spend time with your tribe. Steep yourself in the things that nourish your spirit, whether that’s running, making art, hiking, cooking, swimming, singing…
You know the best ways to love yourself. It’s time to be deeply intentional about doing it.
7. Get him out of your mind by practicing generosity.
Volunteer, help others out, pitch in, contribute!
You’ll find it works amazing miracles not only in the lives of the people you help, but also in your own beautiful heart and soul.
Here’s a fresh way to tap into your emotional power.
There are a lot of people in the world who believe that that no matter what they do, their situation in life is pre-set, their fate is carved in stone, so they might as well just sit back and watch it all unfold…
Well, that is a bunch of baloney.
Here’s an unexpected GIFT that can help you along the way.
I was iffy about this at first.
But I have a long-time girlfriend who gently teased me into discovering the gift of numerology in my life.
- And it DOES shift your viewpoint (SERIOUSLY helpful when you’re stuck!)
- It means less “wasted time” on goals (men, places, experiences) that aren’t right for you
- It reminds you that you’re not alone, and that the universe WANTS you to grow
- And it shows you where the potential trouble-spots are…
Your (free) reading will give you potent and precise wisdom that you won’t find anywhere else.
And it’s unique to YOU and your specific situation.
It can be a roadmap to a beautiful life.
It shows you where to turn and where the potholes are far before you reach them.
All you need to do is consciously and intentionally set your internal GPS in the right direction and avoid any obstacles that pop up along the way.
So, while your numbers most definitely influence your journey, YOU are ultimately the one with your hands on the steering wheel.
The team over at Numerologist.com is on standby waiting for your details so they can generate your 100% personalized (and complimentary) (that means free, lol) Numerology Reading.
All they need is your name and date of birth and you’ll have your own customized “roadmap” in minutes.
It’s free, so you have absolutely nothing to lose!
PS: Remember to keep an open mind! Your Numerology Reading is bound to reveal some pretty intimate details about your life and may expose a raw nerve or two.
But I promise, after you get your reading, you’ll wish you received this information YEARS ago.
PPS: Sometimes you get TIRED – you only see, hear, and think about things the way you always have.
And that makes it difficult to make shifts that can benefit your life and grow your spirit in new, fresh directions.
Try things that are utterly new now and then. Let those great currents of the universe help you look in new directions, and be open to sparkling new possibilities…!