The Super Glue of Love can make the difference between a beautiful life long relationship and yet another painful break up… Keep reading and find out if you have it, and if not, how to get it!
This Relationship Super Glue Can Keep You in Love Together for Life
Deep respect, great communication, and the willingness to work your way through conflict together are important in determining if a couple will stick together for a lifetime.
But there is one thing that is even more powerful…
One of the primary reasons people stay together and enjoy a lifetime of intimacy and togetherness is because:
1. They have both figured out what – specifically! – makes them feel loved
2. They have learned to communicate what things make them feel loved to their partner
3. They DO those things for each other
Here’s WHY that super glues the two of you together
Every time your partner does something which makes you feel loved, it’s like another tiny bit of your heart and life is super glued together with your partner’s heart and life.
Over time, lots of these things strongly bond the two of you in your love.
In the same way, actions which damage trust or make you feel unloved can tear away the bonds and even destroy the relationship. And yeah, it hurts like a b*tch.
So some good questions for you are:
- What makes each of you feel like you are loved?
- Has that been communicated?
- How can you do those things for each other?
That’s your super glue of love.
How to figure out what makes you feel loved…
It’s one thing to SAY “I know what makes me feel loved,” but it’s a little bit harder to be SPECIFIC so that your partner can do those things for you.
It’s also hard to separate the really BIG needs from the minor ones.
Here’s some help getting your super glue of love figured out…
10 Emotional Needs and 5 Love Languages to choose from
There are two well-respected print books I recommend more than nearly any other relationship books out there.
- The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, by Gary Chapman
- His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, by Willard F. Harley, Jr.
Harley lists ten basic “emotional needs,” Chapman lists five “love languages.” For the quiz below, I’ve taken out the two that overlap most. (Buy or borrow the books to get the whole enchilada, girlfriend!)
Super Glue of Love QUIZ: What Makes You Feel Most Loved? (choose 3)
Browse the list below and quickly note which ones feel MOST necessary to you in a relationship. These are the things that make you truly feel loved and treasured.
Choose ONLY 3, then put them in priority order.
___ Affection: It’s as simple as a hug or note, and it bonds couples together. It communicates a sense of security and comfort.
___ Sexual fulfillment: Sometimes this one is greater for the husband than for the wife, which can be a cause for conflict.
___ Conversation: Conversation is used to build connection in a relationship.
___ Recreational companionship: This is about spending leisure time together, during which you can build your relationship.
___ Honesty and openness: People for whom this is in their top 3 needs want accurate information about their spouse’s feelings, habits, history, activities, and thoughts in order to build a foundation for a solid relationship.
___ Physical attractiveness: Some people only notice this one during the beginning of a relationship, but for others it’s extremely important to be married to someone who keeps up their fitness and appearance.
___ Financial support: Pretty obvious, right? Not everyone feels this need as strongly as others.
___ Family commitment: This one is usually connected to the additional needs couples encounter when they are raising children together.
___ Admiration: This is a simple requirement to provide, but words of admiration can be quickly ruined by someone who is highly critical.
___ Acts of service: Actions that regularly show support for you or your partner, from cleaning the kitchen or helping with groceries or helping untangle a transportation issue.
___ Receiving gifts: These can be gifts of every size. Flowers, car washes, clothes…
___ Quality time: Showing your love by regularly receiving or giving your spouse your undivided attention.
___ Physical touch: More than sex, this one encompasses hugs, handholding, shoulder rubs, and all other forms of appropriate, well-timed touches.
NOTE: There are some very helpful evaluative exercises in the both books that can further help you determine which of these are your primary relationship requirements.
Now that you know what makes you feel loved, TELL each other, and DO those things!
Now you have the super glue of love, but it doesn’t do either of you any good sitting in the junk drawer, does it?
You have to communicate your needs to your partner so that they know.
Knowing what makes your partner feel loved, and doing those things regularly, really is the super glue of love, the super glue of a life long relationship.
How to Get "Super Powers" Over Your Man
Have you ever known of relationships where women have men "wrapped around their pinkie"?
There's brain chemistry behind this phenomena. Women can actually trigger neurons in men's brains to help them to quit drinking, stop smoking, put down the remote or even WANT to pay attention to them and have deep conversations.
It's not a fairy tale. It is actual science.
--> Check out this cute video that explains it all!
Mirabelle Summers has a kinda weird, but totally awesome story about how to get a man to treat you like the woman he absolutely can't live without. And it doesn’t mean bending over backwards, walking on eggshells, or constantly reaching out, asking, and begging for more.
You are going to see INCREDIBLE and AMAZING changes in your man’s behavior and feelings within seconds of applying the eight steps of this method (yup, things will happen that fast!)
Be sure to use your super powers for good! 🙂
Hi Ms. Claire,
I’ve been reading lots of blogs about relationship and none seemed to work for me. I am with this guy who used to be so in love with me but now acting as if we are just merely acquainted, so cold that sometimes scares me to talk to him as he might call it off. Now he never call as often as before, not showing any affection towards me, no physical contact, no recreation together.
I am hurting but I don’t want to lose him, instead I want him to be so into me romantically. What should I do?
Hi, Queen, thanks for reading and commenting.
A man might leave a women he has been dating for a number of reasons:
• He’s no longer interested, or he has become more interested in a different woman he’s dating
• He’s not looking for a deeper relationship or commitment
• He didn’t consider you his girlfriend
• He’s stressed and/or dealing with problems he doesn’t want to share with you
• He was only interested in sex or a booty call
• He’s married, or still in the process of divorce
• The two of you didn’t have good communication on issues that were important to the relationship
• You are dealing with problems he doesn’t want to share
• You became clingy, needy, or desperate
Since I don’t know enough about your relationship to guess why he left, I can’t tell you whether you should try to get him back.
But that’s what you should do: evaluate the relationship before you decide you should try to get him back. Lean on a trusted girlfriend or another wise mentor to help you.
You never want to be desperate for a man — instead, you want him to be a beautiful addition to the amazing things you ALREADY have going on. WANT a man, but don’t NEED one, darling.
And you deserve only the best kind of love — not a grudging half-relationship with someone who doesn’t care.
I hope you’ll stick around. Keep reading and learning about yourself and relationships. A single blog post or article isn’t going to solve all your problems, but you can keep learning and growing, one small step at a time.
My very best to you as you work at this…
Yes, yes, yes!!! Brilliantly put, Claire! And I love how you combine the concepts from two different books. 🙂 Thanks for the recommendation, I’ll check out the second one as well! 🙂
The Willard Harley, Jr book has evaluative quizzes and tools just like the Love Language book. My library has a copy, and yours may, too… 🙂
My problem is this – I’m greedy – I want all of those things. It’s gong to take some contemplation and soul searching to determine priorities – though I do know looks are not super important
Hi, brwnntwn — I totally hear you on the “I want all these great things!” issue. Of course you do; who wouldn’t? 🙂 And it really is a matter of figuring out which ones are the most important. The ones that would be “deal breakers” in a relationship if they were missing… Good for you for being willing to take some time to figure out your true, soul-level priorities. The books really will help, and having some conversations with the man you love does, too. It takes a little time to determine, but it really will make a tremendous difference in your life. My best to you, beautiful.
I hv loved the great counsel Claire… it’s quiet up lifting knowing that the world still harbours kind guiding stars to a perfect relationship like you do. Am indeed humbled.