You’ve tried to break up with your married boyfriend, but somehow it never works. Here’s why you’re still stuck… and how to break free.
Dumping Your Married Boyfriend: Why It’s Easier Said Than Done
There are good reasons breaking up with your married boyfriend is so hard. The tough thing is figuring out what’s going on, so you can finally get off the crazy ride and onto solid ground again.
Here are the 5 main reasons you’re still with your married boyfriend, and what exactly you can do to break it off for good and get your life back.
1. You’re awash in fakery and lies
Part of the reason it’s taking you so long to dump your married boyfriend and re-claim your life and dreams is because of the lies you’re listening to…
9 Lies Your Married Boyfriend is Telling You
- I never would have married her if I had met you first.
- I’m leaving her. Soon.
- I love you so much, I need you to wait for me.
- I can’t leave her because of the kids.
- I’m going to marry you; you’re the woman I’ve waited all my life for.
- She and I don’t sleep together; we haven’t for a long time.
- I don’t love her; I don’t think I ever did. YOU are my soul mate.
- She said I can see whomever I want. She has someone else too.
- She’s cruel and mean. A real witch.
Stop listening to these lies.
Because the TRUTH is that this isn’t about your married boyfriend. At all.
It’s 100% about YOU, soulshine.
You deserve better than a man’s crumbs and love leftovers, and until you accept that and start showing yourself a little (okay, a LOT) of heartfelt, souldeep love, you are going to keep settling for this sad half-life.
2. You’re a little bit addicted to the drama, and your role in it
No, you’re NOT confused and uncertain. You know exactly why this is a problem because you are incredibly smart. You’re only pretending to yourself when you say “I’m just so not sure what to do. I’m so confused.”
It’s a plum role in any Hollywood script, isn’t it?
By the way, it’s the same feeling HE’S having. No silly, not “sad princess” but more like “tragic prince.”
It’s perfect for Hollywood, but it sucks when it’s your real life.
And it only gets better if you do the work of ending this relationship.
But here’s a real shocker:
It’s actually EASIER for YOU than for HIM, because he’s in the nastier mess right now. Repairing things with his family or cleaning up his giant mess are going to be much harder than what you have to do.
3. You’re feeling too desperate for some love and tenderness
Yep, I know you want love. Love, a few pretty words, some flattery, gifts, and intimacy. You want love and tenderness, romance and sizzle. Excitement, adoration, pleasure… ANYTHING, really.
Being too clingy, desperate, and needy is a surefire way to repel men (even the ones who want to “fix” or “rescue” women), wreck your relationships, and further damage your self-esteem.
We get clingy and needy because we’re starving for attention and affirmation, and when you’re desperate for those things, you stop spending time building our own life, and simply start scanning for any possible source for a “fix.”
I know, that’s drug junkie language. And it fits in this situation, because what you need to do is break your addiction, and get yourself back to good emotional health. More info on that coming up…
4. You’re telling yourself this ONE HUGE LIE: “I’m not strong enough to leave him.”
You’ve been insanely loving and patient with your married boyfriend. You’ve waited patiently on the sidelines, tried to be understanding, bent over backwards to be accommodating.
In fact, those are the very things that show how incredibly strong you are. You were strong enough to love in ridiculously challenging circimstances…
So yes, you are also strong enough to leave him forever. (And finally thrive.)
You have the ability to keep things exactly the same, AND you also have the ability to change your life!
You are whole, wonderfully made, loving, and capable. You are sturdy and clever. Gather up your courage and set out for the dreams that are waiting for you.
5. You haven’t (yet!) realized that you are BLOCKING the REAL LOVE of your life…
Sneaking around with a married boyfriend isn’t the kind of love you dreamed of.
Feeling stuck, waiting and hoping HE will change something in your life – is not how you thought a beautiful, lifelong love would be.
The good news is that YOU are in charge of your own life, gorgeous woman. You deserve to have all the love the universe wants to send you.
And by staying in this half-relationship with a married boyfriend, by staying in this tragic princess mode, you’re actually PREVENTING real love from happening.
How can the REAL love of your life ever begin if you’re still stuck with the married guy?
Here’s What You Should Do Now…
It’s time to build yourself up, and start exercising those self-care muscles you’ve been letting get slack and out of shape. But before you can do that, you need to address #1 on the list below…
1. Break it off NOW with the married boyfriend.
- Tell him clearly and plainly that it’s over. For good.
- Move into your own place, or get all his stuff out of your apartment. Get your own things back from him, or let it go for good.
- Get rid of anything you own “together” or else agree who will take over that item.
- Do NOT accept money, gifts, or support from him.
- Stop cooking for him, contacting him, or checking in with him.
- Block his calls and texts, block him on social networks, do a total social cleanse.
- Stop seeing and talking to his friends and/or relatives.
- Find new restaurants, coffeeshops, and hangouts that are yours; not the places the two of you shared.
2. Work toward your beautiful future
What are your top 3 goals for life right now? Get busy and make a plan for meeting those goals and work your plan. Invest in your passions.
And don’t kid yourself: this is work.
But it’s good work, and it’s going to pay off in lots of life and soul satisfaction.
3. Expand your social network
Now is the time to start renewing and expanding your circle of friends, coaches, and mentors (especially if you’ve been centering your life around a married boyfriend).
4. Start casually dating other guys
When I say “casual” I don’t mean sleeping around. Go out, but don’t leap in with both feet and all your heart. Maintain your reserve. Let things unfold gently over time. See what happens.
And when I say “guys” I mean more than one. Lightly shop around, see what’s going on in the universe of men. Your world has been too small and cramped for too long, y’know?
5. Take care of yourself, and get help when you need it
Take care of yourself, sunshine. Dating a married guy was not healthy for you. Do the small things that give you joy, whether it’s getting a pedicure with a girlfriend, indulging in a long lunch with a favorite aunt, or finally getting back in shape and eating healthy.
If you’re stuck, spend some time getting help from a emotionally healthy friend or advisor. Life coaches are awesome, if you know one, or can afford professional help.
Learn from your mistakes, and move on with fresh confidence
Remember, making mistakes doesn’t make you a screw-up. Making mistakes is proof that you’re actively trying. Instead of smacking yourself on the forehead and saying, “What was I thinking?” take a moment to breathe deeply and ask “What was I learning?” instead.
You’re gonna be great. You can do this, beautiful woman.