There’s plenty of bad relationship advice out there. And yeah, sometimes I repost or repin or pass along a “romantic” relationship quote that I should have thought more carefully about before clicking the share button…
But one particular heavily-reposted bad relationship quote recently pushed me over the edge…
Bad relationship Quote of the Day:
“Don’t fall in love with potential, fall in love with proof.”
I’m gonna call it. This is plain old bad relationship advice, darlin’.
And I know I’m gonna get pushback on this, but hear me out…
First, you don’t CHOOSE who to fall in love with (you only choose who you continue to love).
You don’t really control who you fall in love with. That’s why they call it “falling” in love.
One minute he’s just the annoying nerd who broke his arm skateboarding when the two of you were in college, the next minute he’s the sexy 36-year-old divorcee whose clothes you would love to rip off Right This Instant.
Whoops! Fell in love!
It just happens. Chemical fact.
And part of why this “fall in love with proof” is such bad relationship advice is that there’s a HUGE difference between “falling in love” with someone, and choosing to continue to love them, and to work on building your love together, every day.
But more importantly, what does ANYONE really know about the person they’ve JUST fallen in love with??
Even if the two of you have known each other since school days, you don’t know how either of you will behave in this new arrangement.
For example, when you fall in love, you DON’T HAVE PROOF that he will…
Make you a consistent priority in his life
Behave appropriately and work with you to get through a serious disagreement
Commit to learning and delivering whatever it takes for you to feel loved (and share with you what makes him feel loved, too)
Have enough common ground with you for the two of you to build a future on
And so on.
You only know a little of the potential, and you probably don’t really even know much of that when you first make that heart-to-heart connection.
I hope your man NEVER, EVER says THIS to you. (7 words every woman fears)
Which brings me to some related bad relationship advice, and a funny story about a woman who is looking to begin with as much PROOF as she can possible test for…
Are you looking for a man, or a unicorn?
I recently read an ad that a woman put out in which she listed a long list of the things she was looking for in a man.
It was so wonky and wonderfully entertaining that I actually printed it out.
This woman is clearly intelligent and witty. She actually even realizes she’s looking for glowy, snowy, unicorn-y perfection in a man. Her version of it, anyway.
But that hasn’t slowed her a bit.
She listed in exhaustive detail (three pages’ worth, single spaced – remember, I printed it out) exactly what she required from any man ballsy enough to respond to her ad, including, but not limited to
careers he is allowed to have,
what he must ridicule and what he must be open-minded toward,
how he should feel about pro sports,
specific things he should be good at,
major life decisions he would need to have already made,
the state of his parents’ marriage,
and how he looks – right down to body shape and facial hair.
She gave options on the facial hair. 🙂
Then she outlined requirements for a sort of application essay (spell-checked!) he should submit to be considered.
All of which is fine, and it was a lot of fun to read. You get to look for anything you want, right?
But here’s the truth about life long love:
If you really want to build a life-long relationship with a man, the best way to go about it is to look for POTENTIAL (remember how this started as a rant over that stupid relationship quote?) and build the relationship together.
And when you’re considering “potential” in a man, you want to think BIG.
If somebody tells you that the most important thing about their future Prince Charming is that “He can’t be a picky eater” they’ve been listening to bad relationship advice.
C’mon, is that really a “relationship deal-breaker”?
So, think less about whether or not he flosses daily or every two days, or whether he’s weird about the brand of socks he favors…
You want to think about whether he’s steadfast in a relationship storm, whether he makes you a consistent priority in his life, whether he’s the kind of man whose actions match his words. Those kinds of things.
When you find some really good building blocks for a relationship in a man (and girlfriend, YOU need to have them too), then there’s POTENTIAL.
Potential is what you’re looking for, at the beginning.
Then together – and that “together” bit is key! – you can build something beautiful.
Is your guy getting bored with you?
This is a little bit painful to think about, I know.
But what if no matter how much effort you put in, no matter how hot, laid back, and perfect you try to become, it still isn’t enough to keep the man you want?
And with how easy and quick it is for him to find someone with online dating, don’t relationships feel kind of… disposable?
As soon as even one tiny thing goes wrong and he feels upset, he can use one of dozens of dating apps on his phone and find someone new like that. Ugh.
There’s even an entire industry (the “Hook Up” industry — like Blendr, Adult Friend Finder, Ashley Madison) spending millions of dollars every day advertising the idea to men that it’s idiotic to give his heart to one woman.
And the scary part is, men are listening!
Men are less and less thinking about falling in love and finding the one… and more and more fixated on having as many casual, “no strings attached” hookups as possible.
So if you want to avoid having every man you want slip away into the world of easy hookups and no strings attached sex…
And you want him to think of you as the only woman on earth he could ever want… Then you need this, right now:
Some women think that it’s about finding “Mr. Right”, and that when they find him he’ll want to be with her and only her, and never want to leave her.
If that were true, then you’d never hear stories (or even KNOW) of someone who had her true love look up an ex-girlfriend on FACEBOOK, all because he got bored with her.
I bet you have friends who thought they’d found “The One,” only to later discover he was cheating with some girl he met online… or even worse with one of his exes on Facebook!
That’s why it’s so important for you to discover a secret code my friend Bob Grant stumbled upon that is the key to unlocking true, lasting love in the heart of every man.
In fact, this predictable pattern is the one that every guy goes through before he falls in love forever – and if you miss a step (or don’t know what to do next), he’ll never stay in love with you…no matter what you do.
Do this one thing, and he’ll finally realize it’s pointless to keep looking for another woman because he’ll have bonded completely and permanently to you.
Want to know the BEST PART?
This will work no matter how he feels towards you right now. He could even be furious and giving you the silent treatment and THIS will still work perfectly…
PS: If you’re like me, and prefer to READ, rather than watch a video, here’s the link that you’ll want: