“Claire, can I trust him?” It’s a good question, and there are 5 main things that go into building the kind of trust that will let you give your heart into another person’s care. Does he have all five of these trust factors?
There Are 5 Powerful Ways to Build Trust
Steven Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, talks about 5 very specific ways you can build trust, and I’ve summarized them here. After each point, you’ll find a True/False question…
“Can I Trust Him?” Building Block 1: Listening and Understanding
To build trust you can become a great listener, and seek to understand other people’s position before trying to explain/convince someone of your own position.
True or False: My boyfriend tries to understand before he tries to be understood.
“Can I Trust Him?” Building Block 2: Integrity
Integrity is when your words consistently match your actions and beliefs. People of high integrity also have a high level of trustworthiness.
True or False: My man’s actions match his words 75-100% of the time. When he says he will do something, I feel pretty confident he will. And the things he does are in line with his values and beliefs.
“Can I Trust Him?” Building Block 3: Clear Personal Boundaries, Life Goals, and Expectations of Others
People who are deeply trustworthy usually have solid life goals and boundaries, and know how to be clear with others about expectations.
True or False: My guy knows his own goals and boundaries, and is very clear in his expectations of me, and of others.
“Can I Trust Him?” Building Block 4: Knowing What Others Want and Need
This is about learning what it takes to build up another person. What things can/will/do he do that makes you feel loved? Hint: YOU have to know what you need to feel loved, and have communicated that with him!
True or False: My boyfriend does the “little things.” He knows what acts of love and kindness fill my emotional bank account, and he does them regularly.
“Can I Trust Him?” Building Block 5: Being Responsible and Accountable
When someone is trustworthy, they are responsible and accountable. And a big part of that means that when you mess up, you apologize and make things right.
True or False: My partner will apologize when he screws up, and he always does his best to make it right.
Scoring Your Boyfriend
If you found yourself hesitating to circle “True” on any of the quiz questions, you need more time and work to build trust between you.
And if you flip the quiz and let him answer about you, you also know if YOU have a high or low trustworthiness level.
Your next step is to talk together about any “wobbly” areas the two of you have, and work on them together. And give yourselves time, beautiful heart! You can’t rush toward trust. It doesn’t work that way. But it can be built up, and it’s worth your time and energy.
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