Fantasy means something very different to men than it does to women. And if you’re not careful, it can absolutely trip you up…
“He wanted to be intimate again, but he mentioned he wasn’t ready for a relationship.”
“Hi Claire, I have known this guy for 25 years, since we were little. We recently became FB friends, exchanged numbers, and he started revealing information I never expected.
He told me he had the biggest crush on me since he was a little boy. He said it went beyond crush, like fantasy.
I admitted I thought he was cute as well. But I had a bf and he had a gf, though neither of us was serious. We hung out a few occasions, and one night got intimate.
He wanted to be intimate again, but he mentioned he wasn’t ready for a relationship. So why did he tell me how much he liked me and how I was his fantasy?
We still continued to text until one day I sent a pic of lingerie and he said, ‘Wow are you going to wear that?’ I asked if he was going to give me a reason to. I never received a response.
What should I do? Every time I see him my heart breaks.” —N.
Hi, N. Thanks for writing. I think I can help clear this up a bit, and I also think there are plenty of women who find themselves in your position at LEAST once or twice (or fifty) times in our lives…
“Why did he tell me I was his fantasy?”
The word fantasy means different things to men than it does to women.
For men, fantasy means sex.
For women, fantasy means a frothy, sparkly wedding, or a dream about having a house and kids, or something that hints at a long-term committed relationship.
Those are two very different meanings, aren’t they?!
The reason he told you that you were his fantasy is because he was hoping that it might lead to sex. And it did.
If you want more sex (only) with him…
If you’re interested in just getting naked with him (no strings attached), you probably can.
You’ll have to communicate clearly with him that you’re interested, and that you’re not holding him to more than that.
And you may have to pick up the phone and actually give him a call, because he may be getting a mixed message from you via text.
Honestly, text isn’t always a great way to communicate when you don’t know someone very well — it doesn’t convey subtleties, and it’s easy to misread things.
Just keep in mind that it IS possible that he already got what he wanted out of the re-connection and he’s on to other things.
Also, here’s one VERY good thing about all this…
He was clear in telling you (after you had sex) that he didn’t want more than just a roll in the hay.
You want a man to tell you straight up how he feels.
When the two of you connected on Facebook, he wasn’t thinking BEYOND the fact that he found you sexy and hot, and always had the fantasy of getting you in bed.
And he told you that. That’s good.
You said “Every time I see him, my heart breaks.”
No one feels like their heart is broken if all they wanted was no-strings-attached sex.
I have the sense that you want more than just the sex.
And I think he realizes you feel that way, and that’s why he didn’t text you back.
If that’s the case, and you DO want more, this isn’t the man for you.
He already said he doesn’t want a relationship.
I’m so sorry, sugar.
One more (loving) word for you…
No matter what, it’s important for YOU to be clear on what YOU want, before you approach him again, or any other man.
If you want more than just sex, don’t start with just sex, sweet sister.
If you want to be in a man’s head as more than just a smokin’ hot lady in lingerie, don’t send him a photo of steamy-hot lingerie.
Instead, show off your wit, your charm, your confidence and smarts. Let the sex come into play later, after you know a man is interested in you for YOU.
Give yourself some time to heal from this, and before you know it, you’ll be back out there, winning a man’s true heart…
You CAN awaken a man’s deep (and most respectful) desires for you.
Take a new relationship MUCH FURTHER with him.
Make yourself really “stand out” from all the other women on his list of women to “try.”
Because even when he can’t keep his hands off of you, even when he daydreams about when he’s going to see you again… EVEN if he tells you he loves you, something inside of him remains CAUTIOUS.
Do you know what I’m talking about?
It’s like when you sense the cat on your lap is getting ready to “bail”… Your new man may be WITH you, but he’s PROBABLY looking for the exit.
If you’re open to it, there IS something you can do.
It’s not hard, it doesn’t take months, and it isn’t “one weird trick.”
This has helped thousands of women get their men to “settle down” (and have him think it was his idea.) and you’ll be surprised at how easy it is.
This video gives you the basics, and the full program is amazing.
Go listen (or you can read, if you prefer) and finally understand ANY man’s Bonding Code today.
PS: So many women think once a man is in love with her that he’ll stay devoted to her. He will, but only if his love has reached the critical Bonding Level that Bob describes for you here…
I can’t say enough good things about Bob Grant. He’s been counseling women for years, both in person at his public office, and around the world with his online programs.
He KNOWS his stuff.
(If you’ve been a member of my program Capture HIs Heart, you’ve heard my interview with Dr. Grant. He’s amazing.)