Nearly all of us have been attracted to the exciting and passionate (for a while) bad boys and men who are players…
“I am stuck. This man is worth fighting for…”
“Oh Claire, I have such a complicated situation. I met a guy online, kind of a player, but we had a great first date, and a week later were having mind-blowing sex. We started seeing each other every single weekend.
But after a few weeks, something changed. We had a few fights, but we did work them out. But the relationship began to cool somewhat, until out of the blue he called me drunk and told me he wasn’t certain of himself or sure of commitment, and that he thought I should be open to seeing other people.
I was completely shocked, and I did everything wrong. Instead of retreating, I advanced. Instead of pulling away, I made myself more available. And obviously I’ve been finding that he’s growing emotionally distant since that time.
This last weekend, I needed to use his phone, so I woke him up and asked him if I could. He stalled and then tried to hide the phone as he deleted a text message stream.
I had zero qualms about going through his phone at that point. There was in his pictures a love letter he’d written to an ex, while he was with me. It was a letter to retain her interest instead of closing it off.
So. I am stuck. This man is worth fighting for and I’m willing to do so, even if it means dealing with his feelings about past relationships. But I don’t know what actions to take in order to get us to a healthy relationship.” — L.
Oh, hon. You knew that players play.
You jumped into bed with a guy who was looking for a woman to jump into bed with, and when he began to realize you wanted more, he headed for the door. That’s how men who are players operate.
And it sounds like you expected him to be exclusive with you, which doesn’t fit at all with men who are player types.
Did you ever have a conversation where you and he agreed to NOT see other people? Always be sure to have that conversation before you expect that he won’t talk to, flirt with, or see other women.
Here’s a checklist of signs you’re dating men who are players. It may help to see some of the main habits in one place…
8 Habits and Characteristics of Men Who Are Players
- He’s seeing multiple women. And he’s sleeping with as many as possible. The difference between a player and a casual dater is that a player will keep his habits secret from his ladies, or even lie to keep them all happy (and sleeping with him).
- He’s insincere. He may say sweet things, but they aren’t backed up with reality.
- Things get intimate fast. He’s looking for two things: sex and an ego boost. Not much else.
- He has multiple unexplained disappearances. He’s juggling so many things, he looses track. And he covers up his ghost periods with pretty lies or evasions (see #2 above). Or worse, he tries to make it sound like it’s your fault somehow.
- You probably won’t meet his family or friends. Except for his party friends, who may be doing the very same thing, and who will back him up to you when needed.
- Most of his friends are women, and he has a big female fan base on his social platforms. He works hard to keep up all his flirty, superficial conversations with them. They boost his ego.
- He has a terrible track record with commitment. He’s been dating for years, but never anything long term. Very often he’ll tell you outright he has a problem with commitment, particularly if he thinks you are starting to “catch some feelings” for him.
- There’s no real “breakup” because there was no real relationship. If he thinks he can sweet-talk you into bed again, he will, no matter how much (or how little) history you have, or how long ago it was.
What can you “get” from dating men who are players?
Well, it’s definitely a rush. And there’s some great sex. These guys will flatter you; they’re good at sweet talk.
And… That’s all.
You’re not going to have consistency, or respect, or depth, or a willingness to work together through storms. You’ll never be able to trust him, and you can’t expect any kind of true honesty from him.
We love men who don’t love us back for a variety of reasons:
- Feelings of not being worthy of real, deep love or devotion.
- Fear of being hurt, or hurt again.
- Not wanting enough (better) for ourselves.
None of these are unusual!
We ALL go through times of self-doubt and low self-esteem.
I know you said you were “stuck,” because he’s on to another woman, and you want to get him back and don’t know how to do it.
Here are 5 ways to help you get UNSTUCK…
- Take some time to consider whether this was REALLY the man for you. Did he show you all the respect, consistency, and depth you want in a partner?
- You can ask an emotionally healthy friend to help you see an outside perspective on the situation.
- She can also counsel you about inner wounds you might have that are making you feel heavily invested in a man who doesn’t love you back, so that you can do some inner heart and soul work.
- You can put some work into your life goals and passions.
- You can date other guys!
You’ve only been with your player guy for a few weeks. You are still firmly in that wacky “in love” phase that isn’t real, lifelong love at all.
Time helps that fade.
Meanwhile, do some thinking about where you want to go next!
If you’re like most women, this story will sound painfully familiar to you.
At first things are going great with a guy… there are the tantalizing calls and texts, flirty Facebook messages, and maybe things even get a little intimate…
Then it happens…
It seems like suddenly something snaps in him, and he starts to withdraw.
Then out of nowhere he just completely loses interest in you.
Your texts and calls start to go unanswered and soon he just disappears from your life.
That was the exact story my relationship consultant friend James heard at a lunch meeting with a client a while ago.
It was during that same lunch that James discovered an answer to perhaps the biggest piece in the dating and relationship puzzle…
This video exposes a “gap” in the male mind, and shows how it’s destroying happy relationships everywhere.
The shocking thing about “The Gap” is how subtly it can destroy otherwise healthy relationships.
If you find yourself asking these questions:
- Why is he so hard to talk to?
- What is he REALLY thinking about? (Does he really love me?)
- Why did he just leave, and suddenly lose interest? (Will he come back?)
- Why can’t he just love me and be faithful?
You should listen to what this world-class relationship coach teaches… The answers he shares are NOT what you’re expecting, and they clarify so much about your relationship.
It’s definitely worth your while, beautiful one…
PS: It’s not difficult to stoke a man’s feelings for you by simply using raw sexual power, but what if you could fire him up in a much DEEPER, more PRIMAL way?
What if there were one feeling you could arouse in him that would make him want to love you — not just physically — but emotionally and spiritually, for the rest of your life…
THAT’S what this video is all about.
If you have ever found yourself FRUSTRATED with men, and just want a deep, true, primal, REAL connection with a man that loves you for you, you need to watch this.
You’ll learn how to tap into a man’s deep psychological NEED for something only YOU can give him.