Inspiration Your Gorgeous Life

For Women Who Self-Sabotage: A Gentle Way to Get Unstuck

Is there something you dream of — and have maybe even tried for — but never seem to be able to achieve? Do you suspect you are undermining your own success in life?

Are YOU holding YOURSELF back from reaching your dreams?

You want it SO BADLY you can taste it. But it never comes together. Something always wrecks things before you can get what you dream of.

And often, you are your own worst enemy. You quit before you get there. You never have time for the things you want. Or you do something careless and wreck your own sand castle before someone else does.

Typically self-sabotage has several telltale signs that can clue you in to what’s going on.

  1. unfulfilled dreams or goals
  2. frequent procrastination
  3. feelings of low self-worth
  4. repeatedly careless or destructive behavior
  5. a pattern of self doubt, worry, and fear

Are you sabotaging your own dreams? And more importantly, how can you get out of your own way?

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Questions to help you determine if you’re self-sabotaging

  1. What goals or dreams do I have that I’ve kept putting off, or never seem to reach?
  2. Am I struggling to feel motivated for something I KNOW I want to have/do/be?
  3. Do I tend to wreck my relationships with friends, lovers, or family with anger, careless behavior, or jealousy?
  4. Is there a particular area of my life in which my friends, family, or co-workers/boss get frustrated with me a lot?
  5. Do I procrastinate a lot in a particular area?
  6. Do I spend a fair amount of time focusing on or worrying about things that simply don’t matter?
  7. Do I have a tendency to start things, but never finish them?
  8. Am I a “worrier” when know I should be a warrior?

5 steps for getting unstuck from the habits of self-sabotage

Okay. You know this is something you do. You’ve done it before, and you wish desperately you could stop. Here are the 5 gentle things you need to do to get unstuck from the habits of self-sabotage…

1. Name the thing you desire or dream of, but can’t seem to achieve

It sounds obvious, but sometimes not being able to name what you want out of life, work, or a relationship is the exact thing holding you back.

If you can’t name your destination, it’s hard to know which path to take to get there, right?

2. Figure out exactly what scares or intimidates you

  • Why is _______ so scary?
  • Is there something about _______ that I think I couldn’t handle?
  • Why do I think that I can’t do ________?
  • Is my fear about _________ bigger or more important than my dream/goal?
  • Am *I* more powerful than this fear I have? Why or why not?

The more you make self-reflection a part of your daily habits, the clearer you will get on what things are truly motivating you toward self-sabotage.

3. Claim the deeper facts, rather than the emotional judgments

Sometimes all you can think of is what’s going WRONG. And that’s a self-sabotage behavior itself.

With a little bit of thought (and a good friend who knows and loves you well will be able to help you with this), you can reframe the way you are thinking, and prevent self-sabotage:

  • I failed…vs…That task was incredibly hard
  • I’m no good…vs…I have some tough history or past issues that tripped me up
  • This will never work…vs…Are there some small steps toward success that I haven’t considered yet
  • I can’t do it…vs…There are resources that I need in order to try that again
  • This is impossible…vs…Is there a different way to achieve this goal
  • I’m just not ready…vs…It doesn’t have to be perfect

4. Remind yourself about your goals, every day

Start each day with that vision of what you want in life, and a few simple, do-able steps that you intend to take toward your goals.

Don’t let a bad day here and there interrupt your steady trek toward the things you dream of. Everyone has bad days, and even bad seasons.

But you don’t have to let hard, messy, or stressful times stop you from trying again.

5. Let go of things that DON’T align with your goals and dreams

Very often a big part of self-sabotage has to do with the inability to say “no.”

But when you spend all your time doing things for other people, you often neglect your own dreams and desires.

You are worth ALL the joy and peace and fulfillment you dream of. Make a clear decision to choose what is good and healthy for YOU!

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xoxo Claire

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