Is he really single, or are you dating a married man? Is he cheating on his wife while he’s with you?
Some reports say that as many as 22% of men will cheat on their wives at some point in their marriage.
They do it because they can, because they’re bored, because they don’t know (or haven’t communicated) what makes them feel loved, or because it’s more work to build a long-term relationship than it is to have a quick and easy fling.
And sadly, cheating is one of the main reasons people get divorced.
So if you’re single and dating, how can you make sure you’re not one of those women who is unknowingly dating a married man?
“Dear Claire, After 14 years of marriage, I’m newly divorced and just starting to date again. And the craziest thing I’m discovering is that there seem to be a LOT of guys out there who are lying about being single. I had no idea there were so many cheating men. This has happened to me twice in two months that I’ve found out a man I’m dating is actually married! How can I find out if a man is really single before I waste time with them again?” – Sheila
I’m so sorry you’ve had a couple of bad experiences with this, Sheila. The cheating men are out there. But there are also good, loving single men around as well, and it will take a little bit of time and energy to figure out which one you’re dating.
So below you’ll find a 15-point checklist that will help you figure out if he’s lying about being single.
If you ARE dating a married man, the more you get to know him, the more flags you will discover. It’s a great reason to do some casual dating and move a bit more slowly and carefully, rather than jumping into bed with the fabulous guy you just met…
15 signs you may be dating a married man
- He doesn’t introduce you to many friends
- He’s all about the weekend getaway
- He’s paying for everything in cash (so as not to leave a credit card trail of his infidelities)
- You don’t know where he is much of the time
- He can’t spend holidays with you
- He talks oddly when you call him unexpectedly (his wife may be nearby)
- His kids are frequently his excuse for why he can’t be with you
- He won’t tell you where he lives
- He has no social media presence (or it’s very carefully edited)
- He has two cell phones
- Tan line or indentation on his ring finger
- You’ve never met his family
- He only ever wants to come to your house
- Your dates are very last minute (because he’s fitting you into the leftover space in his life)
- Your relationship occurs when he’s away from home
What to do if you are the cheated-on wife
I can’t give you this information without also speaking to the many women on the OTHER side of a man’s cheating…
If you face infidelity, suspect infidelity or have gone through infidelity, you feel devastated. You are shocked at the amount of rage and hatred, depression and despair that fills your head and your life. You can’t trust. He has become a stranger you try to talk with and maybe sleep with.
And there are just so many bad (WRONG) messages out there about women who are cheated on. For example…
It’s your fault. You didn’t ________ enough.
He just “fell out of love” with you.
Click HERE to find out why these two hurtful messages about cheating are the worst kind of lies. (This is a secure, quiet, trustworthy friend’s website.)
–> Don’t lose your spouse to the other woman
If you’re a part of my own program Capture His Heart, you’ve heard from my friend Dr. Bob Huizenga before (that was one of the most powerful interviews I’ve ever done). Dr. Bob has been a Marriage and Family Therapist since 1981 and has helped thousands of couples who are facing infidelity and cheating get immediate EMOTIONAL RELIEF, and win back their lives and relationships.
This powerful, effective resource is going to open new doors that will quickly reduce your pain and help you move ahead with more confidence and (this is huge) HOPE.
–> You need relief, and you need it NOW.
If you’ve tried everything – being nice, trying to understand, trying to meet needs, suggesting counseling, making personal changes, begging, pleading, raging and screaming – you need to STOP, because none of these are going to work for you when you’re dealing with cheating.
Stop the insanity of the affair and learn how to get your life and marriage healed.
Dr. Bob Huizenga’s huge success with his ebook, “Break Free From the Affair” rests in the fact that most who read the ebook within the first few hours feel tremendous relief. You are not at fault, and you are not alone…
Hi Claire there’s a guy we’ve been talking lately, but whenever we are supposed to meet he just dissappear or use work as an excuse. So I confronted him since then he doesn’t talk or call me. My question is that is in a relationship or married
Hi, Lindiwe — Yep, sounds like he might be in a relationship or married. It was smart of you to figure that out so soon. Best to turn your attention elsewhere… 🙁
I have been dating a guy for close to 4 years. Only yesteday did I found out that he was married. I am devastated. We are working together. It is really tough on me. What should I do? I am very very upset.
He lied that he is married. The person that he is married to is my ex colleague who is now relocated in another country.
Hi, Verlene — I’m so very sorry to hear that; I know it must be devastating for you. As for what to do now, you might find some help in this article, which goes into more specifics:
It’s going to be hard, but you can do it.
I am breaking down deep inside. I am seeing him tomorrow and yet I need to pretend things are fine.
Why do you plan to “pretend things are fine”? It might be good for him to know just how badly his lies have hurt you… Although I realize you have to get through a work day. Perhaps you need to speak to him outside of work tonight or very soon… So, so sorry. 🙁
Coz he might possibly do something drastic to win me back when I am determined to leave.=( I just have to face him for now and leave really far away.