It is heart-shatteringly hard to move on when you still love him.
Once upon a time, the love between the two of you was sweet and strong and hot, like the perfect sunrise espresso in your favorite hidden cafe. It made the prospect of your day beautiful and full of promise.
But he has drifted away, or emotionally moved on. But YOU haven’t.
You tell yourself he still loves you — you grow more desperate about it with each empty day (and twice as desperate whenever you see him and he casually smiles at you), and you dread the thought of having to move on yourself.
Your mind races through the same series of thoughts:
- But what if he changes his mind?
- What if he actually still loves me?
- Is there something I could be doing to renew our love?
It’s paralyzing, and you know it’s counterproductive, but you are terrified to move on.
Why are the feelings so strong, and is there anything that you can do to help yourself move on?
“Claire, I must be doing something wrong as I am still stuck in an impossible situation, in love which I don’t think is reciprocated but scared to move on.
My boyfriend moved out last winter. He says at the moment he’s not keen on living together having tried it and it didn’t work out. We see each other at work every day. I said I would give up work so that we might get on better together at home but he said he would rather I be at work.
I think he loves me and we are still attracted to each other, I feel like I’ve tried every trick in the book and we’re still not back on track.” — Leah
I can tell from your very first sentence that you really are deeply focused on this man, and you know that he’s not anywhere as interested in you. That’s such a painful place to be, and I’m so sorry, Leah.
1. Here’s the very best place to begin overcoming your fear…
Darling, you must begin by loving yourself SO MUCH that you expect (and require) to be with someone who values you greatly too, who doesn’t want to let you go.
Those men are out there, I promise.
How do you polish up your life again so you can start loving the woman you are? Here are three questions which will help you get started:
- What are the big goals of my life right now? Am I actively working toward my dreams?
- What are some of the really interesting things about me? Am I giving my best gifts time in the spotlight? If not, why not, and how can I let myself shine?
- Are my personal health and spirituality needs being met right now? What can I do, and who can I call on to get back to where I need to be?
Start living your life again. Find (or rediscover) your passions and start working on them. You deserve all of the beautiful things life has to offer you.
2. Let yourself be angry and sad and scared. With LIMITS.
Go ahead and pour out your misery and shattered expectations with your truest friends and/or mentors on the planet. They’ll understand.
Get it out, but don’t let it dominate your life.
Allow yourself a certain amount of time for the first few weeks to obsess, then shut that out of your life so you can concentrate on YOU.
3. Say goodbye to the habits that connect the two of you
In order to successfully move on, you must stop staying where you are and (more importantly) where you WERE. So…
- Don’t restlessly look him up online
- Don’t try to make him jealous by flirting with others in front of him
- Stop trying to show up in places where you might run into him (especially difficult if you work at the same place — consider getting a transfer to a different department if possible)
- Don’t hang out with friends of his
- Stop listening to songs and/or watching movies that remind you of him
- Clear out the mementos of him that are all around your house (and other personal spaces, like your desk at work)
4. Teach yourself to KNOW there’s a wonderful man out there, waiting for you to clear this up so the two of you can connect
If you don’t work on healing this up and moving on with your life, you might never be found by the TRUE love of your life. Think about what you stand to gain, if you simply do the hard work of moving forward.
You CAN love again, and deeply. And you can be profoundly loved, too.
But that can’t happen unless you move on, beautiful lady.
Don’t choose to remain in a place of emotional starvation when you could not only spiritually feed yourself (see #1 above), but also be emotionally nourished by a man who adores you!
Don’t settle for anything less.
5. Try dating again
Getting started dating again will help you stop putting all your focus on this one guy. Plus, you may finally meet that man you’ve been waiting for!
Remember what the best, healthiest, most amazing men are attracted to:
- a woman’s genuine joy and pleasure in life
- the kind of woman who is attracting the attention of other men
- emotional wholeness
You can do this! Give your sparkling, shining heart to a man who will treasure it like the rare gem it is! You deserve every bit of good love in the universe.
And try THIS help for your busted-up heart…
You don’t want to be the annoying woman your ex just can’t shake off.
You want a REAL RELATIONSHIP, so you need to check this out.
It’s Amy North’s advanced sequence of words called a “Devotion Sequence” that will make a man feel a hungry desire for you that’s BEYOND “just his ex that he calls for sex (when he can’t get anything better)” and deeply, deeply into the territory of long term love…
Check it out, bright soul.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you’re naturally beautiful or smart…
Because once these innocent words reach a man’s ear, he won’t be able to stop thinking about you all day long…
In a FRESH, NEW way that’s NOT about being an “annoying ex” or his “sometimes side dish” — It’s about being the REAL THING!
Take a look at Amy’s video ONLY if you’re serious about change. And maybe my advice in this article is plenty for you to move forward on.
But if you are in DEEP, and need more than my 5 steps above, then you seriously need to try this out yourself because it’s worked well for thousands of women already…
DO IT because your love is being WASTED — just tossed on the garbage heap — on a man if he doesn’t appreciate you.
DO IT because you feel STUCK on him, and can’t seem to break free in to the much, much better life and love you deserve.
DO IT FOR YOU, Beautiful woman.
Say “goodbye (and good riddance!)” to being STUCK on a man who DOESN’T LOVE YOU BACK, and “hello!” to a serious RELATIONSHIP!
Try it out… I guarantee you that once you use Amy’s weirdly effective “Devotion Sequence” on any man, he will feel desperate to never let you go.
PS: It doesn’t matter if you’re single or not either, because Amy’s program will even work on your cold husband or boyfriend too…
Find a REAL MAN for a REAL RELATIONSHIP
When my relationship was in dire straits (and we were talking about divorce), girlfriend you better believe I got busy researching, getting help, looking for the best possible ways to save things with my man.
We invest time and energy in things that are important to us.
PPS: Here are three quick affirmations for you, in case you’re feeling wobbly or insecure in your own center-of-the-earth-DEEP value and self-care…
- I deserve to be loved.
- I am enough. I was enough the moment I was born, and I am enough now. I will be enough every second of my life, no matter how many twists and turns my life carries me through.
- I will meet the needs that my soul and body have. I will build myself up and continue to practice love toward myself.
May you feel a deep indwelling of love flowing up from your core today. Let it make you shine from the inside out! xoxo
Me and my fiance have been together for almost 6 years. He’s 40 and I’m 34. He’s never really been in a relationship. We live together, and have for 5 years. I have 5 kids from a previous relationship. Anyways, I am madly in love with him, and he says he loves me and wants to grow old with me. His job requires him to travel a lot, and be gone quite a bit. I knew that when I met him. The first 3 years were amazing. Sex was phenomenal. Now, he doesn’t pay to much attention to me, he plays the Xbox ALOT, on his time off. I feel like I am begging for his attention and sex. When we do have sex, its amazing. But I don’t feel he loves me like he used to. I admit I have been going through some things with my family, and he has been my only friend. So I do rely on him as a shoulder to cry on. But, I would be more than happy to be his shoulder, anytime. I just feel sad most of the time. I feel that spark still, but I’m afraid he doesn’t. I have talked to him about it, I’ve apologized, I’ve cried to him and expressed to him how much I love and appreciate him. He doesn’t open up to me when it comes to feelings, he completely shuts down. What do I do?
Hopelessly in Love
Thanks Claire X
5 months ago I discovered my husband of 12 years and father of my 4 young children had been having an affair. We have spent the 5 months since trying to get back on track and to reach a better relationship. He was very much wanting to do this and there was a lot of remorse. He says the affair was filling a void. Now just before Christmas, after a few setbacks he says he has fallen out of love and is moving out. I’m devastated as I have now been spending time looking into what went wrong. I know I took our love for granted and didn’t make him feel special . I badly want another chance with my new knowledge but how can I get him to agree?
I’m so sorry to hear it, Michelle. I know you must be feeling panicked and maybe even hopeless. But it also sounds like you know that there is change that can be made, and you seem willing to get to work on it. Maybe he is too.
I think your best bet is to see if the two of you can get professional help.
Draw on whatever financial resources you possibly can: savings, friends and family, church and/or community organizations. There *can be* life and love after an affair. And a marriage of two people willing to work together through the worst troubles can come back stronger and better. I know you would love it if I could solve everything in one simple website comment, but it just doesn’t work that way when you’re at the point the two of you have come to. You can do this! Start the work of finding help now…
My very best to you… xoxo CC