The two of you are in bed, intimate and passionate and tangled up together, and then… He closes his eyes in order to get to the “finish line.”
What exactly does that mean?
If you are like a lot of women, you might wonder if he’s retreating into a vivid fantasy world. Is he thinking about another woman? Is he replaying his favorite porn video in his mind, even while he has a naked, hot woman in his arms??
I’m happy to tell you that when he closes his eyes it really has nothing to do with escaping from the moment with you and everything to do with actually enjoying the intense sensations that are happening.
For most guys, they put a certain amount of mental effort toward holding BACK on climaxing during sex. They want to last longer, to please you more, and not race to the finish. So when they actually do shift gears into allowing their orgasm to happen, the physical sensations are powerful, nearly overwhelming.
When he closes his eyes it allows him to fully tune in to what is happening pleasure-wise in his body.
It was explained to me in this way: When you take away one of the five senses, it makes the other senses and sensations stronger and more vivid.
When I surveyed my Man Panel when writing The Language of Desire (and the sexy secondary product, The Sensual Tsunami) about what male orgasm feels like, they set me straight.
One man told me:
“It’s like a slow-building rollercoaster that takes a very sharp incline almost straight up before you rocket straight back down. And you get this amazing feeling in your stomach right before you climax and then for the next 10-15 seconds the floor drops out and you are drifting in bliss. Then you come back to reality.”
With that kind of intensity, he isn’t even keeping track of what his eyes are doing!
You can also think about it like kissing. We close our eyes when we kiss not because we want to disconnect from the moment but because it actually draws our awareness closer to what is taking place physically.
And when it comes to orgasm, there are about a million times more physical fireworks.
Could he be thinking about another woman when he closes his eyes?
Sure, it’s possible he’s mentally fantasizing about making love to a Victoria’s Secret model while he’s in bed with you. Just like sometimes you might close your eyes and think about Brad Pitt or Denzel Washington…or whoever floats the little man in your boat.
Fantasizing in that manner isn’t a bad thing. It’s totally normal and most people (both men and women) do it on occasion. And it doesn’t damage your relationship when it’s something that happens once in awhile, especially when the fantasy includes a celebrity or someone you aren’t ever actually going to even meet…let alone get naked with.
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If you want to finally understand ALL of what goes through your man’s brain when it comes to sex,unlock the best way to use sexual fantasies to spice up your intimate connection, and learn how to arouse him to a fever pitch — without even touching him (or being in the same room)…
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Yup, yup, YUP! Great post, and thanks for making this clear, Felicity (and for hosting it, Claire)! This question shows a LOT of insecurity that we women have, and any reassurance like this is very useful. We all need more education, so we stop taking everything personally, and avoid a lot of unnecessary hurt!
A couple of weeks ago, I was having a lazy Sunday afternoon with a wonderful guy, and at some point we ended up on his couch, with me giving him the b-job of his life… 😀 And of course, he closed his eyes frequently, and then opened them again, and then closed them again… And he confessed that it was a struggle: between keeping his eyes wide open and enjoying the hot sight of me pleasuring him, and closing his eyes so he can focus on the incredible sensations I was giving him…. Isn’t this the cutest thing to hear? 😀
Also, one thing I want to add: let’s not forget that men’s brains are wired differently than ours, when it comes to multitasking and focusing. A woman would probably be able to keep her eyes open, look at her man, enjoy the sensation, think about the grocery list, AND fantasize about Brad Pitt (or, in my case, Joe Manganiello) ALL at the same time. A man can’t, his single focus will make him concentrate on just one thing. So if he wants to really feel the pleasure, it will be closed eyes and a blank mind… Something i sometimes wish I could do, too!
Oh, my. Joe is DEFINITELY in my top 10 list. #happysighs
Right? Right??? 😀 😀 😀