You just don’t feel anything for him any more, BUT there are problems that make breaking free more complicated than it sounds…
“Dear Claire, just before Christmas I started seeing a guy, and while I was pretty excited at first, lately I don’t have any feelings for him. My family thinks I’m being mean or ungrateful, or that I’m too picky. I do appreciate when he does nice things for me, but on our 3rd date he gave my kids a PlayStation even after I told him no, it’s too soon for anything like that. Now he keeps buying me stuff for my house and I feel obligated to be with him.
He hasn’t done anything wrong, he’s not a bad boyfriend, I just don’t feel anything for him. Now his birthday is coming up and he wants to go away with me and I don’t want to feel pressured into sleeping with him.
When I kiss him I don’t feel anything, shouldn’t I feel something? I’m trying to do the give love time to grow thing but I feel like it’s leading him on, and I wish he’d stop buying me stuff cause I’m not the kind of person to use someone. I don’t know what to do.” — Nicole
Oh, Nicole. In the space of one short email you said it three times: “I don’t feel anything for him.”
You’re not obligated to feel anything for him, or for anyone. There are lots of men in the world that you aren’t going to fall in love with, or even have as a friend.
And you do NOT have to “wait and give love time to grow.” In fact, in this particular case, you shouldn’t.
Want to completely yank the rug out from under him and make him fall deeply, painfully in LOVE with you, you should check this video out…Shift the Power
1. This guy is not your family’s boyfriend. (And he may not be yours, either.)
They don’t get a say in how YOU should feel about the guys you date.
Sure, they can say if they like him, or if they think he’s interesting or fun, but it’s your life, your heart, and your decision.
2. You must be crystal clear about the gift-giving. (And follow through like THIS…)
I know you thought you did this by telling him “no” to the PlayStation, but when someone discounts, ignores, and overrides you like he did, the best response is to RETURN gifts un-opened.
By the way, did you hear those three words? He discounted what you wanted, he ignored what you told him (about YOUR kids, not his), and he overrode your parenting decision. This does NOT bode well for your relationship, girlfriend.
Give back gifts. If he resists taking them back, tell him you will donate the gift to a local charity. Follow through.
3. You are never, ever, ever obligated to sleep with someone.
If you don’t want to go away with him, don’t. You are NOT obligated to go, and even if you did, you would not be obligated to sleep with him.
By the way, you also don’t owe him a birthday gift.
It’s YOUR life, you get to put the breaks on this. And in fact, that’s your job.
This guy is moving too fast for you, and it’s up to you to slow things down.
- Give back (or give away) his gifts.
- If you actually want to be friends, you can tell him that. He may not be interested, in which case, you simply don’t see him at all anymore.
- You can take a break from him, then try again later, if that’s what you want.
- Or you can break up now and start looking for a better match for yourself.
This is YOUR life, and you get to run it the way that makes you happiest.
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