Is your marriage or relationship under attack? Are you paying attention to the forces that are working every day to pull you and your partner apart from each other?
If you’re committed to keeping your love strong, you need make sure your heart is warrior-strong, beautiful.
Today I’m welcoming relationship expert James Bauer for the second time on Ask Claire Casey. (You can check out his previous post at this link). James is here today to share exactly what you can do to strengthen your marriage for the many challenges every couple inevitably faces…
Your marriage vs. the world
I was driving through downtown Chicago on the interstate when I saw the sign. “Life is short. Have an affair.”
These bold words were accompanied by a suggestive image involving two good looking people. I felt a shockwave go through my nervous system at the sight of that sign. It was like an assault on everything good, right, and noble in this world. The advertisers? An attorney firm specializing in divorce! I can’t express my level of disgust.
Your marriage is under constant attack by societal forces you do not control. Do you think affairs are contagious? I recently read an article about two couples that spent a lot of time together. It wasn’t long after the first couple stumbled that one of the partners from the second couple began “exploring their options” outside their committed relationship.
The constant message of selfishness
Even if you don’t think about it every day, your relationship is under attack. There are many ways society pushes us toward selfish thinking, and the influence is often subtle. After all, what’s wrong with Burger King’s motto, “Have it your way,” or the Haagen-Dazs slogan, “Pleasure is the path to joy?”
There’s really nothing wrong with those logos if taken in isolation. The problem occurs when we receive multiple messages all day long telling us our happiness can be found by putting ourselves first to the exclusion of all other interests.
“If it feels good, do it.”
“Love is easy/blind/effortless.”
“You shouldn’t have to do things you don’t want to do.”
There are just so many messages in our culture that say your happiness always comes first, and that nothing else ever should.
But true, deep, honest, real love doesn’t mean nothing should ever interfere with your personal happiness or pleasure.
Love just doesn’t operate like that.
The Missing Link In Every Relationship
Intimacy, good communication, romance... all these things are important, but this one surprising factor that can make ALL the difference in a relationship and few, if any women (or men) are even aware of it.
If you're frustrated with your man going cold, losing interest, or pulling away, then this video is a must watch.
How REAL love operates…
Real love happens when two people are willing to work for their partner’s best interest EVEN when they don’t get a direct or specific benefit out of it.
Real love happens when each partner keeps the other person’s needs and happiness as one of their highest priorities.
As a result, marriage becomes the best thing ever!
Nothing compares with it. It’s better than a warm chocolate brownie smothered in vanilla ice cream, served on a tropical beach in Hawaii while you wait for your massage! Loving someone else feels good! Being loved back feels amazing. Combine the two and anything you do to achieve it will be worth it.
And then you wreck 🙁
Of course, you know the problem with this kind of thing… Despite your best intentions, you end up not doing or saying what makes the other person feel completely and totally loved.
You recoil in shock when your effort to be “normal” is met with an angry misinterpretation of your actions, attitudes, or words.
Then all hell breaks loose. A rolling snowball effect is unleashed on your marriage as frustrations crumble all your good intentions into selfish retreat. Sound familiar?
A powerful way to strengthen your marriage or relationship
I wish I knew everything. I wish I was the wisest person that ever lived. Unfortunately I’m not. But I have benefited from a process of sifting. I have sifted through the experiences and accumulated wisdom of hundreds of years-worth of relationships successes and failures. In all that sifting, I came across a gem of particular beauty and rare value once in a while. I’ve been collecting those gems, and there’s one I’d like to show you now.
I recorded a short video to explain the concept. You can check out the video below.
It is based on the concept that men and women intend to love each other and create romantic bliss, but they sometimes lack awareness of the unique ways their partner experiences interaction with them.
For women, the biggest blind spot has to do with the weird ways men obsess about the issue of admiration and respect.
Don’t get me wrong. Respect is not everything. But it is one issue that gives back power to women who truly desire to make their husbands feel loved.
It’s the strangest thing, but survey research has revealed that the vast majority of men cannot distinguish between the ideas of being loved and being respected. Surprising? Learn what every man wants but few women understand at this link.
James Bauer, Relationship Coach
James Bauer is the author of What Men Secretly Want: How to Get Inside the Mind of Any Man.