Sometimes a relationship devolves into “friends with benefits” like a popsicle melting in the sun. Pretty soon there really isn’t anything left but the garbage, and it’s time to wipe the mess off your hands and face and throw it away.
You gotta toss the trash and blow this joint, gorgeous. Hit the road and move on with your life.
So WHY do we hang on, when there’s clearly nothing good left?
Because even if it’s no good for us, it’s what we know. And sticking around in an unhealthy situation will eventually erode your soul and cripple your spirit (if it hasn’t already).
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“Claire, I dated this guy for a year and a half. We started dating before his divorce was final. All of a sudden he stopped telling me that he loved me and when I asked him why, he broke my heart by telling me that he is not sure that he ever did love me. He said he was desperate to find someone because his ex-wife had someone and he didn’t.
So I guess I was his rebound and now he wants to stay friends with benefits.
I’ve tried the friends with benefits thing with him but its not working for me. I still have deep feelings for him and each time we see each other the pain of the break-up is re-lived. I am trying to date other people but am having a hard time moving forward with him still in the picture. The only reason for the friends with benefits is because I need his financial assistance. Not to mention we had an amazing sex life.
What do I do?” – Allison
I know this doesn’t sound kind, Allison, but the super short version here is that you gotta stop having sex for money.
Being friends with benefits when your heart wants more sucks.
Being friends with benefits when you’re in it for the money is even uglier, and harder on your soul.
He may be helping you financially because he feels guilty. Guilty about his failed marriage, guilty about rebound sex, guilty for not being able to have an honest relationship with you.
Not only does he need to work through his problems and stop trying to buy his way out, but YOU can’t reliably count on his money, and you’ll never be free until you fully break the ties.
He’s not your boyfriend.
He’s not even your friend.
Break it off cleanly, stop seeing or interacting with him, give up the money, and you will have your life back.
Let yourself grieve, but clean up your emotional house and move on.
I know you can do this, and you already know that this is what’s best for you.
Being friends with benefits is NOT serving your best interest (or his). So straighten up those shoulders, love yourself fiercely — too fiercely to devalue yourself this way! — and reclaim your universe. I believe in you, Allison! You are a strong warrior woman. Go after the life you desire and deserve.
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You got this, soulshine.