You want to feel more confident, so you try faking confidence. You wish you could feel assured that he loves you just the way you are, so you pretend that he does, and hope it becomes true.
When did “fake it till you make it” become a permanent replacement for being your authentic self?
3 Refreshing Alternatives for Faking How You Feel
You need to be renewed at the deepest levels, and more “faking it” is not going to bring that soul-deep renewal to you.
You’ve worn a mask so long it feels grafted to your face. How can you get comfortable with taking off your mask so that you can finally feel the fresh air on your skin, the sun on your face?
1. Self-awareness is the birth of your freedom
Understanding that you’ve been faking how you feel in a particular situation is where you begin to break free of the habit.
I know a woman who still can’t admit that she’s actually miserable with her thoughtless boyfriend who never makes her a priority in his life. The thought of change (even just talking to him about it) is so scary that she can’t allow herself to know — really know — that just about anything would be better than the dark emotional shadow she’s currently living under.
When you KNOW that you’re faking how you feel, you can begin to say, “Enough. I want something better than this. I am allowed to be who I really am.”
2. Spend time with people who inspire and encourage you
It sounds like an obvious solution, but I spent over a decade with a girlfriend who, during that entire time, was emotionally needy and habitually negative. Being around her left me feeling drained.
It was years before I understood that I didn’t have to be responsible for healing her or absorbing her toxicity.
But eventually I came to understand the deep power of spending less time with toxic people, and more time with those who nourished and inspired me.
Make a list right now: who are the people you need to spend more time with? Who are the people who make you feel loved, right down to your secret soul?
The more time you spend with those people, the less you’ll feel the urge to continue faking how you feel.
Use this beautiful meditation to get to peace in 12 minutes. Click HERE and get it free!
3. Create a “love and beauty” file
Taking off your mask so that you can quit faking how you feel can be scary. Fears which whisper “what if you’re really no good?” rise up and make you think you need to put that mask right back on.
To calmly convince those negative whispers that they are quite simply wrong about you, create a love and beauty file to keep you on track.
I actually have several; pick the ones which work for you:
- An online file with emails where someone has said sweet and affirming things about you, or which have inspired or lifted you up.
- An online file with images, affirmations, and uplifting mantras (I often share these on Facebook!)
- A personal journal with pictures, scribbles, and notes about loving, beautiful things in your daily life
- An ongoing list of your own good skills, habits, personality traits, and so on.
- A “Good Emotional Recycling” diary, where you list and celebrate favorite moments of the day, things you’re great at, small successes and big victories. Recycle the good, let the negative flow on past…
Try to add at least one small gift to your treasure trove of love and beauty each day.
Create clear healing space in your life and heart
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A gentle support system is as close as your mp3 player.
It doesn’t cost anything, and if you’ve never considered self-hypnosis, I think you’ll find that it’s definitely worth trying.