New boyfriend? You might think it would be EASY to get to know him. After all, there’s texting, phoning, social platforms, video capabilities, and apps…we have more digital tools now that ever before!
Believe it or not, texting, phoning, and even dating are NOT enough for you to TRULY get to know him.
Why not? Because he’s different than you are, and he guards his secret heart…
We texted, we phoned, we dated, then POOF! He disappeared.
“Hey Claire, I met my boyfriend online and we texted for a couple of weeks, and I knew he was one of the good guys and I really liked him. Then he called me and we had those long conversations that last into the morning? He was so loving and wonderful to me so I felt like I made the right decision on our first date and we ended up in bed which was also great sex. So how surprised was I when he left in the middle of the night and didn’t text or call me after? I was sooo careful to get to know him before we dated! Then he went and made me feel lower than nothing.” — J.
Sweet J, I’m so sorry that he sneaked out like a coward on you. You deserved to wake up to smiles, coffee, and a man who couldn’t believe his luck. I hate that he left his big ugly bootprints on your heart that way.
Here’s what happened.
I know you THOUGHT you did, but you didn’t actually get to know him. You texted and talked on the phone before you had your first date, then you slept with him right away. And I have a kind of cool way to explain why you need MORE than that…
How dating is like a 1000-piece puzzle, MINUS the box
Texting, calls, and even dates are like individual pieces of a 1000-piece puzzle that you DON’T HAVE THE BOX FOR.
You wouldn’t look at your first 5 or 6 pieces (or even 20 or 30 pieces) and say, “I know EXACTLY what the big picture on this puzzle looks like.”
Your first couple of weeks of texting, and even those long-into-the-night phone marathons only count as a FEW puzzle pieces in a relationship.
In trying to get to know him, THIS makes it even more complicated…
Your puzzle pieces DON’T all count the same.
Your two weeks of texting were like those solid-colored puzzle pieces…
They just don’t give you much information, do they?
With each text or post:
- You only get a very tiny window onto their world.
- You only see what THEY want you to see.
- A text (or Instagram, or Facebook post, etc.) is often highly edited, filtered, and “photoshopped.”
- The person posting (usually) only shows their best side.
- There are almost NO subtleties in texting (you can’t read the body language, tone, etc)
We read many more signs when we’re face to face — ESPECIALLY if we have history with someone — than we can possibly pick up from that latest text, comment on Facebook, or even that wacky, sweet photo with a puppy he just posted on Instagram.
So texting and even phone calls are less “powerful” if you want to get to know him than being face to face on an actual date.
And there’s one more part to this:
Here’s the biggest reason why dates are sooo important.
I have a big family, and every Christmas we put out a giant puzzle for everyone to work on. And here’s the thing (don’t laugh): I HATE PUZZLES.
For some reason I have no patience with them at all. So I let the rest of my big family work on them, and once in a while I stroll by the table and look for some “special” pieces.
So what are the “special pieces” I’m looking for?
They are the ones that will solve a very, very SPECIFIC issue on the puzzle.
So let’s say for example the picture is a unicorn with a rainbow tail.
(This would actually NEVER happen in my family because they’re all guys and they would toss that puzzle right out and go get one with manly things on it, bwahaha. But a girl can dream, can’t she?)
And let’s say that in the puzzle the boys have all managed to get the solid white pieces of the unicorn itself put together, but the rainbow tail is missing some important bits.
In my stroll-by, I hunt for the pieces that there are clearly ONLY a FEW of, and the ones with THE MOST INFORMATION on them — the pink sparkles in that ONE darker pink stripe in the rainbow tail — and I find those in the pile. Then I pull them out and add them to the puzzle.
The MOST IMPORTANT PIECES are the ones with MORE COMPLEX & SPECIFIC INFORMATION on them.
And this is why dates count more than texting or calls to get to know him. A LOT more.
Next time, allow yourself enough “special pieces” — dates — to get to know him before you let him into your heart and your bed.
But even DATING isn’t enough! Here’s why…
Relationships today are getting MORE and MORE difficult.
Not only is meeting a man sometimes entirely made up of online profiles and texting (or heck, just “swiping”), people are starting to forget what it TRULY takes to get to know someone.
And men are being told that “hooking up” is the way to go, so once they’ve gotten what they want from you, they’re on to another woman who will give them sex without commitment.
If this weren’t true, we wouldn’t have sites like Ashley Madison (see my horrible “PS” about that below), Adult Friend Finder, or Plenty of Fish. Or they wouldn’t be so wildly popular.
But there is a way to emotionally BOND with him, for life!
You can truly get to know him. The REAL him. The INNER him.
You can take your new relationship MUCH FURTHER.
You can make yourself “stand out” from all the other women on his list of women to “try”?
And most of all, you can INSPIRE him to crave COMMITMENT with you.
Those of you who are a member of my very first course “Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever” have heard me talk about Bob Grant.
Bob is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), and his bestselling programs have sold more than 100,000 copies in more than 25 countries.
I’ve talked to him at length and if you’re a member, you’ve heard my interview with him in Capture His Heart.
Because even when he can’t keep his hands off of you…
Even when he daydreams about when he’s going to see you again…
Because even if he tells you he loves you something inside of him remains CAUTIOUS.
Do you know what I’m talking about? Here’s how Bob describes it:
“It’s like when you sense the cat on your lap is getting ready to “bail”… Your new man may be WITH you, but he’s PROBABLY looking for the exit.”
He’s willing to text, he’s willing to do phone calls, and he’s (of course) totally willing to have sex with you on the first date, but he’s keeping his eye on the door.
And in fact, he left (slinked out, the coward) in the middle of the night without waking you.
This is because of a primitive protective shield around his heart that tells him “don’t let her get too close.”
Just like the cat in your lap who was tensed up and ready to bolt…
He wants…something, but he doesn’t REALLY know what it is, although he thinks it might be sex with no strings (and he’s wrong, as Bob Grant can tell you)…
He’s scared of the idea of “more,” or “deeper,” because to him it sounds like being forcibly held in an uncomfortable situation.
There IS something you can do. You unlock his bonding code.
It’s not hard, it doesn’t take months, and it isn’t “one weird trick.”
The Bonding Code was uncovered by Bob Grant, who specializes in helping women who are fed up with men who won’t commit or get serious.
These are the very ones we’ve been talking about — the men who WOO YOU, then RUN.
Bob has helped thousands of women get their men to “settle down” (and have him think it was his idea.) and you’ll be surprised at how easy it is.
His video gives you the basics, and his program is amazing.
PS: So many women think once a man is in love with her that he’ll stay devoted to her. He will, but only if his love has reached the critical Bonding Level that Bob describes for you here…
I can’t say enough good things about Bob Grant, sweetness. He KNOWS his stuff. He’s been counseling women for years, both in an office where he lives, and around the world with his online programs.
Go listen to the interview I did with him in Capture His Heart, he’s awesome.
And if you have ANY questions about him, let me know, you know I’ll do my best to get you answers.
PPS: According to public records Ashley Madison did over $150 MILLION in 2014 by telling men ONE SIMPLE THING:
Ashley Madison said (and made 150 million by saying): “Life is short. Have an affair.”
The Bonding Code is a pure, beautiful ANTIDOTE to that rotten Ashley Madison message.
So if you want to avoid having your man slip away into the world of easy hookups and no strings attached sex…
And you want him to think of you as the only woman on earth he could ever want… Then you need this, right now: