Dating and Romance Marriage

3 Things Your Man Desperately NEEDS from You

Women are usually aces at figuring out the subtleties of other people’s emotions and communications. We swim in this ocean, honey. We can spend ages dissecting comments, messages, and behaviors and extracting their meaning.

But there are times in every woman’s life when she is left completely stumped by a man’s behavior. Why in the world did he do that crazy thing? That made NO SENSE at all!

(And they think we’re crazy, lol.) (But we actually are.)

While most men would NEVER admit this — and most don’t even know it — the reason guys do some of the things they do is because many of their behaviors, drives, and desires are biologically driven.

Why sometimes men don’t have a choice…

In other words, in some areas, men are simply “wired” a certain way.

This is why your man can seem considerate and thoughtful one moment, and callous and cold a few seconds later. This is why sometimes you’re caught off-guard by his unexpected harsh words, or strange behavior. It’s why you’re sometimes left feeling as if he “pulled the rug out from under you.”

OF COURSE, none of this is an excuse to let a man get away with inappropriate behavior.

But interestingly, it’s may just be the KEY to getting what you want from your man.

If you want to get something from your man, you should know what he needs…

There are some simple biological differences between men and women that can make ALL the difference in how you interact with a man. For example…

what he needs 2Women generally want connection and family: we define ourselves by our relationships.

We usually have a nurturing instinct, a need to take care of others. (This can also bite us in our very lovely fannies, but that’s another post for another day…)

Men often identify themselves by what they DO.

They want to accomplish tasks, defend their turf, be successful and recognized at their work, and be able to provide solutions to problems.

In addition, men tend to be more emotional (crazy but true — a study in Sweden researched this) but they learn to HIDE their emotions at an early age. They are especially vulnerable to loneliness, and they reach out far less than women — with our desire to build and maintain relationships — do.

So how can you turn all this to your advantage, and make your man feel like the luckiest guy on the planet because he has magnificent, beautiful Y-O-U? The ONLY woman who really “gets” him, who understands what he needs?

Here are the basics…

The 3 basic needs that all men have…

If you understand what makes a MAN feel like a MAN, you have incredible pow-ah, darling. You are in a position to build the kind of incredible relationship that most women (and many men!) dream of.

Here’s what your man desperately needs from you:

1. Words of affirmation and praise.

A man would rather feel unloved than inadequate. So look for ways to let him know you sincerely appreciate and admire the things he does, the tasks he accomplishes, and (biggie!) the wonderful way he makes YOU feel.

  • “Baby, you really know how to make me feel like a woman.”
  • “You did an incredible job planning this trip. I’m really impressed.”
  • “What an amazing lover you are. I’m still thinking about last night…”

This is a need you better feed, or he’ll look for it elsewhere, girlfriend.

2. A sense of being heard and respected.

This definitely does not mean you always agree with him. It simply means that you listen to and take seriously what he says and does. This shows you truly understand what he needs…

  • “I never thought about it that way. You have a very interesting way of looking at things.”
  • “I can see that this is really important to you. I will do my best to help make it happen.”
  • “I really appreciate that you shared this with me.”

3. Intimacy and bonding (true story!)

frisky hugSince men are often so vulnerable underneath all that manliness, they secretly crave the kind of intimacy and bonding that women more openly desire. They would just never SAY this. In addition, men bond just as deeply through touching and affection as they do through sex.

Additionally, sex for men means MORE than just sex. When you enjoy ferociously hot sex with your man, he feels affirmed as a lover AND as a man. It gives him confidence and swagga, sista. (But you knew that already, I bet.)

Here’s what YOU get out of meeting these basic needs…

Meeting these 3 needs gives you a great deal of influence with your man — he’ll be willing to do almost ANYTHING you ask, because you have suddenly become the source of most of the good feelings he’s having about his life.

When you understand and give him what he needs, he adores you, shows true affection towards you, and puts you ahead of everything else in his life.


xoxo Claire

2 comments on “3 Things Your Man Desperately NEEDS from You

  1. Words to live by! The good part is, it FEELS GOOD to give affirmation and praise and respect and appreciation. And physical touch and sex DEFINITELY feel good. 🙂 Win-win!

    The only thing that felt a tiny bit off for me while reading this post was the idea that we should fulfill these needs so that we can get something from a man, or “have him eating out of our hand” and make him put us ahead of everything in his life. This feels bad to me. I don’t think the “giving to get” strategy ever works (I actually did it unconsciously with my ex, and it only made me feel resentful, because I was giving out of a neediness to GET, and he wasn’t giving back, and it was a total mess). What I learned it, it feels much better to just give, without expecting anything in return. Give your man affirmation and praise and respect because he needs them and because you truly admire and respect him, not because YOU need him to do something for you in return. Have sex with your man because it’s awesome and because you are attracted to him, not because you want him to take out the trash (or propose).

    I know the “make him eat out of your hand” part of the article was for marketing purposes (and I happen to have read the recommended product, and from what I remember, it was pretty good!), and STILL, I would personally add the caveat that I detailed above. What do you think, Claire?

    • Claire Casey

      Great addition as usual, Julia. And I think part of the reason it may actually be useful to hear it the way it is in the article sometimes is that it can be a stepping stone. I remember when I was young and I had NO IDEA why I couldn’t get what I needed and wanted from a man. My first step in learning was to give a little bit (as the song says, lol). When I filled his love bank, lo and behold, it came back to me. What a surprise that was when I first started experiencing it. And of course a more self-confident woman — or a more mature lover in an established relationship — has a different standard. Here’s to eventually giving up training wheels, right?

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