Dating and Romance

Why Is He Pulling Away? Did I Do Something Wrong?

he's pulling away

He’s pulling away. You can feel it, even point to examples. And you’re doing everything you can, but you’re still thinking to yourself…

“How did this happen? I did all the right things!”

Star sister, you gotta get in there and keep playing your cards.

This game ain’t over yet…

How do I handle it when he’s pulling away?

Hi, Claire! I’ve been dating this guy for a couple months. We never explicitly said we were official, but definitely acted like it. We spent a lot of time together, acted romantic and lovey around one another, etc.

He just recently visited family out of state, and while he was there he basically ignored me. We typically FaceTime several times a day and text frequently. I explained to him that I was so happy that he could spend time with his family, but it hurt my feelings that he wasn’t making any time for me.

He also said that he missed me while he was gone, but that he was having a hard time with things right now. He said that he didn’t feel like he was handling things well right now, and that he wasn’t in a good position financially and spiritually. He wasn’t able to talk about it in person, but I’m still bitter that he would treat me this way. Any advice on how to handle this?” — K.

It does hurt, doesn’t it, when we’ve gotten used to a certain level of love and attention, then suddenly he’s pulling away and you feel like you’re left hanging.

However…

This is probably not about you.

I know it’s hard, but it’s important that you NOT take this personally.

All of us have seasons of struggle where we just can’t keep all the balls we’ve been juggling in the air.

Financial struggles are scary enough, but then to add spiritual struggles, and possibly family issues? That’s a lot.

Men handle things differently than women.

Part of your disconnect may be that when YOU have problems, you turn to those closest to you. You lean on girlfriends, trusted mentors, family members. You want to talk about it and hash it through with others.

Men, not so much. Guys tend to hold everything inside while they try to figure it all out.

They become stony little islands.

If they have to reach outside themselves, they feel weak.

Yeah, you and I know it’s not “weak” to ask for help, but there you go. Our culture plus men’s biology…

When a man is not at the top of his game, he withdraws.

He doesn’t want anyone to see his struggle.

He doesn’t want anyone to know he’s cracked into a zillion bits inside.

And he feels resentful of anyone (including you) who might be trying to pry open his shell and see him at his most vulnerable.

He wishes he could magically vanish, work everything out, then reappear with solutions neatly arrayed all around him. Then he would look so smart and awesome! He could pretend it was never wildly out of control at all!

Sigh.

Don’t bring it up. He’ll share when he’s ready.

He doesn’t want your help. In fact, he may resent you if you try.

Your job is simply to be available if he wants to talk.

Be sincere in your love and your appreciation of him. That is a great gift you can give him right now. What he wants is NOT your help, but your UNDERSTANDING.

Later on, as your relationship progresses, the two of you can do more of the hard work together, but now is not the time.

Don’t let this drive you into being needy.

Try to remember this isn’t about you. Be the confident, beautiful woman he fell in love with. Live your life. Love your man. Give this time and space to pass on.

Be patient, and meet your own needs in the healthy ways you know to meet them.

His PRIVATE desire (knowing this can stop a breakup in its tracks)

Do you know a man’s most secret and important desire that he craves in a woman?

RE-interest a manThere’s some simple psychology behind why men tend to be silent about their love, but once you understand what’s happening for him, it’s not hard to

  • UNLOCK his secrets, and also
  • make him feel (happily!) dizzy with attraction to you

Have you ever had a man sweep every other woman aside, cling to YOU, fight for your attention, and FIXATE on you all at the same time?

One simple (mesmerizing!) question does all that and more.

Amazingly, it can even stop a breakup before it happens.

It’s definitely different! Not your ordinary approach at all. But maybe the “ordinary approach” isn’t working for you right now.

If you have the willingness to try something a little unusual (with some SERIOUS and sexy fire power), you should consider this.

xoxo Claire

PS: You’ll also discover a 5 minute conversation trick that excites and stimulates any man into thinking that you’re the most pleasing, interesting, and impressive woman he’s ever laid eyes on.

Hint: This involves talking about 3 very bizarre, outrageous, and laughable things.

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