Why won’t he commit??
You’ve put in good months or even YEARS with a man, working hard to build a relationship. He knows you want marriage. He knows your timeline.
But… You’re pretty certain he’s NOT going to “pop the question.”
“I don’t want to keep dating random men, I really want to marry HIM.”
“Claire, have you ever experienced true love that happens just so easily? I’ve experienced this in my relationship of 2 years and 3 months.
My boyfriend seems to be not giving me the same treatment as he once did when we met. We only meet on weekends because we are 2 hours from each other because of his business, which needs to stay where it is. I’ve told him when we are engaged I am willing to relocate. I miss him so much and sometimes I don’t, because I try to be tough. I’ve told him my timeline so he has 1 month and a half to propose (around my birthday) or I sadly have to walk out on this relationship.
I’ve asked him what he’s scared of, I’ve been understanding but he just won’t do it and I am honestly tired as I don’t want to force anyone to marry me. The excuse is always that he forgets to think about our future because work is drowning him. He’s also divorced, and he’s told me before that he sees me as his wife, but is scared of marrying.
I love this man and I don’t want to keep dating random men, I really want to marry HIM. I’ve been trying to think of reasons as to why he won’t commit? I mean he calls me every day, I’ve met the parents, I have his house keys, I know where he works and his co workers know me, my parents have met him…
What should I do?” — L.
I know you feel worn out, but there are several things that I think should be hopeful for you..
I know you have a timeline, but he already has EVERYTHING he wants.
You mentioned that he “sees you as his wife” already.
So he’s reasonably happy with the way things are, and even though he knows you have a timeline, he’s not feeling much pressure to pop the question.
He’s gambling that because you are so deeply invested in him, and want this relationship so badly, you won’t actually walk away.
And I don’t think you need to! But more on that in a moment…
Here are some of the BIG reasons men don’t/won’t commit, even to a fantastic woman.
1. Men can get sex without commitment more easily than in times past.
Just 50 years ago, you were expected to wait until marriage before sleeping together (even if almost NOBODY actually waited until then). But with the 1960s and free love, we stopped expecting to wait for marriage – and eventually, we even stopped waiting for the third date…
These days, sex is just another part of dating for most people.
Men do it because they like sex, women do it because we like sex BUT ALSO want a relationship.
But if absolutely everything is like a guy wants it, why would he make any changes? There’s just nothing making him want to get married.
2. Men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks.
Giving up half his net worth in a divorce — not to mention the emotional turmoil and messiness — isn’t a good selling point for the idea of getting married.
When he says he’s scared of marriage, there are probably plenty of good reasons for that.
3. Men fear that committed relationships – especially marriage – will require TOO MANY changes and compromises.
Yeah, a lot of guys are still stuck acting like overgrown boys. But the fact is that guys don’t want to stop having fun when they get into a relationship.
Real love is never perfectly easy or perfectly smooth. It’s hard, beautiful, messy, scary, deeply rewarding work.
So, here’s what you can do to help shift this situation…
You should maintain a dating (only) relationship with him, but date other guys.
If you’re too emotionally exhausted to date other guys, take a complete break from HIM and ALL dating. I promise, you’ll feel better after 3 or 4 months with no relationship challenges…
If you’re ready and willing to move forward, here’s your plan…
1. Stop trying so hard! And dump any outward sign of desperation.
For this to work, you MUST build some calm, cool, confidence into your outward appearance, your conversation, and all other interactions with him.
When he is emotionally pushing you away or not giving you the attention you deserve and YOUR reaction is to “try harder,” you are doing more damage than good!
You are training him to keep acting that way!
2. Have a calm, loving, SHORT conversation with him.
If you have already EXPLICITLY agreed to an exclusive relationship (you did that, right?), then you need to communicate that you love him and will continue to care deeply for him, but that you’re going to start dating again.
You can even tell him that you’d like to also keep dating HIM and see how things unfold.
“I want to be able to wake up every day to the man I love. I’d like to be there for him when he needs me, and know that he is there for me no matter what. I enjoy having a boyfriend, but I don’t want to have a boyfriend – even one as wonderful as you – forever. I want to get married one day. I hope we can continue to see each other, but I’m going to start dating other guys in hopes of finding a good man who is ready to take the next step. Maybe something really fantastic will eventually work out for both of us…”
Then let him share what he’s feeling.
You can even set up a time to check in and talk about it again in a month or two.
Don’t beg or plead, don’t cry or get dramatic, and don’t put any ultimatums out there. No desperation, only a confident, loving woman going after her dreams.
3. Be willing to be his fabulous, sexy, in-demand girlfriend, but DON’T be his friend, therapist, or booty call.
This means you are NOT always available for him and you aren’t his regular weekend live-in sex partner.
Men are ATTRACTED to a woman who is confident and believes she is WORTH a LOT.
When he starts to ask “Who are you with?” and “Where are you going?” you know you’ve started to arouse his interest and get him a little bothered over you. Enjoy that feeling!
Allow him to see you SOMETIMES, on your own terms. These should be real dates, not going over to his apartment (which is not a date; that’s a booty call).
You deserve to have the relationship you’re working toward, with him or anyone else.
No matter what happens, you’re in charge of your own life, and you are showing that you respect and care enough to communicate with him, and you also place a high value on your needs and goals.
You THINK he’s not willing to commit to you. But is that REALLY true?
Most women complicate love and scare men off without even realizing it.
When you’re dealing with a man who is (intentionally or unintentionally) starting to distance himself, what you need to do is figure out how to reduce that barrier between you to rubble, right?
Nadine Piat *specializes* in this exact issue between women and men.
You should take a look at her technique — she calls it “The Emotional Barrier Eliminator” — and see exactly how she teaches women to DISSOLVE the toughest barriers and MELT the hearts of the best men (and the especially difficult ones, too).
What Nadine teaches is what she personally used when she was dating a man who was emotionally detached.
Before they met, he had never wanted to get married and have children. He went from that position to wanting lasting love and commitment.
So not only has it worked for thousands of other women, it worked for Nadine too!
Don’t STAY in your sadness, sweet soul! (There’s absolutely NO REASON why you should.)
NO situation is too hard to fix.
- Even if you’ve been trying for AGES to get him to commit…
- Even IF he’s lost interest and distanced himself from you…
- Even if you’ve tried to talk things through…
- Even IF you feel you did things you regret and wish you could turn back time to fix them…
- And even IF you feel hopeless and unable to attract men, or have been single for years…
There is still hope.
YOU can make GREAT love happen. And FAST.
Never lose him: Experience the love you want now!
PS: It may sound a little corny, but Nadine has a great, tender, loving heart.
She LOVES hearing the success stories from women when they are able to successfully ELIMINATE that painful emotional distance between themselves and the man they love.
Stories of men they had almost given up on, going from cold and withdrawn to so fiery hot with passion it would make honeymooners blush!
If getting him to commit is an issue you’re struggling with, you can’t go wrong by listening to Nadine… (There’s also a link to read, if you prefer that.)