Have you ever been secretly afraid you would never find the right man for you?
Does this fear sometimes have you feeling desperate, especially when you sense yet another relationship is about to end?
“Why do other people have boyfriends or husbands and I don’t?”
“Claire I am so frustrated. I’m 39 and I can’t figure out why I’m still single. I know I come across as feeling desperate for a man because well I am! My time is running short. Doesn’t that make sense to you? Also I don’t want to settle for just any guy, so I tend to go all-in with the ones I think will work out, and Claire NONE of them work out! Why do other people have boyfriends or husbands and I don’t?” — K.
I can feel your frustration so keenly and my heart goes out to you.
How do desperate people get stuck feeling desperate?
While there are several major limiting beliefs that play into desperation, it’s still nearly always about fear.
- Fear of being alone
- Fear of not being what other people think you should be
- Fear of “settling”
- Fear of never finding love
And there’s only one thing that truly quenches fear like a waterfall on a campfire, and that’s love. It’s the most powerful healing force in the world.
You have to make a place within yourself for it to begin to well up until it fills your heart and soul and spills over into the universe around you…
Here’s how to begin:
1. Take a break from dating in order to learn to love your life without a man in it.
I know you’re gonna hate this one, but it’s critical.
Are you pursuing your personal goals and passions — the things that are NOT “having a man in my life”?
And maybe you are. But if you aren’t, give yourself a “vacation” from dating for a while. Try 6 months, maybe. The world is not going to come to a screeching halt if you don’t date for 6 months, sweet sister. And maybe, just maybe, something beautiful will be born or at least renewed!
I don’t want you to feel TRAPPED by your 6 months; instead I want you to feel RELEASED!
- Released from everyone’s expectations of you.
- Released from your own deep desire to have a boyfriend.
- Released from your fears and anxieties about time running out.
Think of it as a giant gift you’re giving yourself.
What could you explore, create, shift, do, make, or build JUST FOR YOURSELF in 6 months?
2. Connect with an emotionally healthy confidante
When you realize you’re feeling desperate, ask a mentor, trusted friend, favorite aunt or girlfriend to coach you through the process of growing out of that. Choose a woman who has proven with her life and relationships that she understands herself and understands relationships, too.
3. Pour out gratitude (volunteer for your favorite cause)
Here’s a sure-as-shootin’ way to transform “feeling desperate” into feeling grateful: practice generosity!
Volunteer, help others out, pitch in, contribute!
You’ll find it works amazing miracles not only in the lives of the people you help, but also in your own beautiful heart and soul.
4. Do good emotional recycling
Your granny probably said, “Honey, count your blessings.”
And sweet blazing superheroes, she was smart!
You gotta focus on all the incredible gifts, pleasures, and perks you already have in your life, rather than the things you don’t have.
5. When you go back into dating, be casual.
Feeling desperate is a terrible way to go into dating. Instead, date for just the pleasure of that one outing, that single hour in the local coffee shop, the short walk down to the ice cream shop.
Maintain your emotional boundaries and allow the relationship to unfold naturally, without trying to force or direct it.
Take each date for a single, simple joy, and no more than that.
Don’t be constantly available to him, don’t text him madly, stalk him on social platforms, shower him with ALL your attention, check in on him constantly, or make secret wedding plans in your head.
And understand this CRITICAL FACTOR about a good man, for a good relationship…
The most important thing that will affect a man’s ability to deeply engage with you is the level of TRUE RESPECT he feels from you, in your attitude, your actions, your words.
When I say “deeply engage,” I mean
- emotional openness,
- willingness to work through problems,
- true investment in the relationship,
- and the desire to make you happy above all else.
Which sounds good, right? He wants respect from you, you understand that, Aretha Franklin sang about that, what’s the big deal?
Before you pass this off as not important right now, let me say this (and I think you’ll resonate with it):
True respect is SHOWN, not just SPOKEN with words.
Respect matters to men in ways women DON’T always just see or know (without a little training in male psychology).
Women think about it one way, men think about it entirely differently.
James Bauer has a video that describes the profound experience he’s had with teaching women what he calls “The Respect Principle.”
As a professional dating coach, there are few things I have to offer women that have a more deep and powerful effect in their lives.
It’s not difficult to stoke a man’s feelings for you by simply using raw sexual power, but what if you could fire him up in a much DEEPER, more PRIMAL way?
What if you could make him want to love you — not just physically — but emotionally and spiritually, for the rest of your life…
What an amazing, life-giving relationship that would be, right?
THAT’S what this video is all about.
If you want a deep, true, primal, REAL connection with a man that loves you for you, you need to watch this.
You’ll learn how to tap into a man’s deep psychological NEED for something only YOU can give him.
It’s fascinating how powerfully TRUE RESPECT affects EVERY aspect of your relationships.
And once you understand exactly how MEN experience it (’cause you already know how we ladies experience it and it’s TOTALLY different for us than it is for them)…
…I think you’ll find painful relationship experiences will become a thing of the past.
PS: It’s fascinating how powerfully this “gap” in understanding between women and men affects EVERY aspect of your relationships, and once you understand it, so much will change for you.
Watch this video now to discover the truth about what it takes to attract and commit an amazing man into your life:
PPS: After he reveals the “most important thing,” James shows you how to trigger it in your guy to draw him closer and more deeply connected to you for the long term.
(And another thing I really love about what James says is that it’s not manipulative or “game playing.”)