He’s more grabby and annoying than he is romantic lover. But you adore him, you truly do! It’s just that he can’t seem to figure out how to make it amazing for BOTH of you…
Not exactly “romantic lover material”… YET.
“Hi Claire, I have been in a very loving relationship with a wonderful man for 3 years. Everything is good except for one thing that bothers me sometimes and I am trying to figure out why it bothers me so much.
Every once in a while, we’ll be talking or hugging or something innocent and he’ll get a look in his eyes and say “Ooo let me see a boob!” Or he’ll just playfully pull down my shirt to grab my chest or he’ll grab my butt or something like that. It’s always in private — he’s very respectful and doesn’t do these things when we’re out…
He is a sweet man and I love him very much. Why does this bother me so much? Why does it make me feel icky??? He used to just grab me so after I told him I didn’t like that, he started asking beforehand if he could “See a boob” etc. and I don’t like that either! He doesn’t understand why I don’t like it and frankly, neither do I!
We have a great sex life so I don’t get why it bothers me. Any insights you could provide would be great!! Thanks so much.” — H.
The super short, insta-answer as to WHY this bothers you IS that HE is feeling aroused and YOU are not.
Men walk around 99% of the time horny but women require “warming up” to be ready for their sexual advances.
AND MEN SHOULD KNOW THIS.
That’s where the problem is here.
That’s what makes the difference between a “grabby guy” and the romantic lover of your dreams.
You’ve made a good start at telling him not to randomly grab you in public, but it’s still not helpful to have him randomly grab you, or say “Can I see your boobs?” EVEN in private.
Women need, and want, and loooooove, foreplay.
Men should make it their JOB to figure out how to turn a woman on.
And if you want to have a more fulfilling sex life with the romantic lover of your dreams, the two of you are going to have to help each other here.
I was talking to my man about this recently, and he’s a math nerd so I used this illustration, which made him hot. 😍
I call this…
The Arousal Number Line
Think of sexual arousal as a being on a number line.
ZERO is not aroused in the least.
Joe Manganiello (or any other steamy-hot romantic lover boy) could say to you, Let’s get naked, and you would say Could you please move the laundry from the washer to the dryer?
No connection, no interest, no nada.
TEN is 100% aroused and ready to go 10 steamy, sexy rounds with your lover. Right now.
Men are at ten while they’re brushing their teeth in the morning.
Women usually need (and want!!) some foreplay to get to ten.
So if you’re at zero, or three, or even five, and the man whom you adore wants to pull up your shirt to see your boobs, you’re not feelin’ it. It’s annoying.
So here’s what you need to do…
You gotta tell him what’s going on, of course.
Tell him about the Arousal Number Line!
Then you give him The Challenge No Man Can Resist.
Tell him you need his help to raise your arousal number…
THIS is how you get him going toward “romantic lover” territory.
Men LOVE this, I’m telling you.
And if he’s not sure what it is that arouses you (because every woman is different)…
Then you tell him, beautiful woman.
Tell him it’s about more than sex.
It’s also the way he helps you get free of some of the stresses and tasks in life. He pitches in and gives you a hand where he can, because he wants you to be able to be totally focused on pleasure.
Tell him to help you think about how pleasurable it’s gonna be well in advance.
He should text you in the morning to let you know he’s having trouble getting things done because he’s thinking of you.
He should call you to tell you he’s hiding in his office because he doesn’t want anyone to see how thoughts of you make him… ache.
He should tell you he can’t stop thinking about the taste of your skin, the sexy curve of your hips…
THIS is the “romantic lover” getting warmed up (and warming YOU up)…!
Tell him to take it slow.
He can even slow his pace of conversation down, deepen his voice. And while you’re talking, he can touch your shoulder, your knee, the inside of you elbow.
He could lean over and rub his thumb over your jawline, or tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. There’s no threat in this, only invitation and adoration.
Only romance and arousal…!
Tell him to help you create a secure, sexy environment for lovemaking.
He can make sure the door is locked, the blinds are shut, the TV and cell phones are off, and the dog is banished from the bedroom. He can make his seduction happen in a love nest – not a cluttered, stressful dump.
Tell him the things you love to hear.
The best kind of love is filled with plenty of sincere admiration; he tells a woman how much he likes what he sees. As in…
- I can’t keep my hands off your ________
- Your skin is so smooth and gorgeous…
- You look amazing…
- You are such a beautiful woman…
- You make me feel so aroused…
And SHOW your romantic lover what you LOVE in bed.
Teach him your fantasies, the places you most love to be touched, the things that make you sigh, or ache, or demand… He’s open to many things, but when he learns what YOU like, he can unlock and unleash your sexual prowess, and will also have an incredible experience himself.
This adorable cartoon explains how to grow your guy from a “grabby boy” into a “romantic man” (YOUR man!)
Pretty much every guy is in one of two emotional phases:
- The “juvenile boy” phase…
- Or the grown up MAN phase.
He is terrible at talking about his feelings, he’s deeply reluctant to commit, he struggles to think about YOUR experience of sex (a more juicy detail about that in the PS below) and/or the relationship, and he won’t ever really FEEL the love he’s capable of feeling.
He might SAY he does. He might even BELIEVE it (for now), but he’ll always have one foot out the door emotionally.
He’ll never be the romantic lover of your dreams.
So if you want to help him grow up, deepen and enrich your relationship, and get the kind of heart, body, and soul commitment you crave, then go check out this cute cartoon Mirabelle Summers put together for you!
Mirabelle Summers has a kinda weird (actually really weird, don’t say I didn’t warn you), but totally awesome story about how to get a man to treat you like the woman he absolutely can’t live without.
And it doesn’t mean bending over backwards, walking on eggshells, or constantly reaching out, asking, and begging for more.
You are going to see AMAZING changes in your man’s behavior and feelings within seconds of applying the eight steps of this method (yup, things will happen that fast!).
Be sure to use your super powers for good! 🙂
Here’s a short quote from her, as she tells part of her story:
“I went to sleep that night (or maybe it was early that morning) aching and sore and sweaty and smiling and feeling truly seen, truly wanted, truly DESIRED for the first time in YEARS.
I felt ALIVE again.
I felt POWERFUL again.
I felt like a woman again.
And best of all, I hadn’t had to end my relationship or find someone ‘new’ to feel those amazing feelings again.
Instead, I was feeling them with MY GUY.
And here’s the best part:
I could see those feelings for ME written all over HIS face, too.
Shining right out of his heart when he touched me.
Spilling from his eyes like sunlight when he looked at me.
And I could hear the desire and appreciation and WONDER vibrating in his voice when he whispered (and moaned, and bellowed) in my ear.
It was so powerful I nearly cried.”