It’s a monumental task sometimes to stop hating your body. Most of us have had to grow through a jungle of self-doubt, worries, and even body hatred.
This is a rite of passage, beautiful lioness.
FEEL the mess of your own self-misery, then…
RISE beyond it, just as you were meant to.
“He tries to tell me I am enough, but…”
“One month after having sex with my boyfriend I think I need a boob job, and I think I may not be tight enough. I don’t orgasm unless I bring my own device. And I have to not smoke a cigarette to get kissed despite him having bad breath. I spoke to him about all this and he said he tries to tell me I am enough, really. So why I am upset?” — C.
It sounds like you are living directly in the center of your fears that you are not (or won’t be) enough for a man to be sexually happy with.
You’ve got to figure out how to stop hating your body, because you know what? It’s not going to work for HIM to tell you that you’re “enough.”
YOU have to tell yourself, and believe it.
You are so much MORE than the perfection or imperfection of your body!
You are a unique, amazing woman with dreams for life, interests in so many areas, insights to offer, funny jokes to tell, deep strengths you haven’t even discovered yet, and a crazy, wonderful future.
But not if you hold yourself back this way.
Not if you constantly second-guess your own deep value.
Not if you keep blaming your body for being a “failure.”
And definitely not if you believe that your worth is totally bound up in the size of your breasts, the tightness of your vagina, or the method by which you have an orgasm.
Your task, beautiful, is to stop hating your body and make it your ally instead.
That may sound hard, but here are a few things that will help.
Your fears are not the boss of you
Sometimes your brain has an endless supply of reasons why you are inadequate, undesirable, and ugly.
The trick to stop hating your body and start living a beautiful life is to work to lift up, celebrate, and repeat to yourself the good things and not allow the scared and angry inner voices to rule the day.
(More on that below.)
Should you even listen to your fears?
Sure! They sometimes point to truths.
But you don’t want to run your life according to your fears.
You just want to accept that sometimes you’re scared and afraid that you aren’t “enough,” work to improve the truly unhealthy choices you’re making, and BEHAVE and LIVE as if you ARE enough.
Know you’re doing the best you can, because you ARE doing the best you can.
6 powerful ways to stop hating your body
Btw, if none of the first 5 sound effective (given your current mood), I promise you (voice of experience here!) number 6 will flat do the trick…
1. Partner up with your body, rather than blaming it.
If you are going to stop hating your body, you have to partner up with it instead. Make your body a teammate in life, rather than something you resent, blame, and hate. Nourish, care for, and enjoy the body you have.
2. Stop allowing numbers to define your self-esteem.
Your weight, height, or bra size are not the ultimate definers of who you are. And there is no perfect number, or number you “ought” to be.
3. Don’t make all your internal fears your body’s fault.
If you’re scared, dig down and untangle the real issues, rather than blaming your body for your fears.
4. Stop judging yourself for not being someone or something different.
5. Let go of “friends” who spend all their energy judging and hating their bodies.
We tend to become like the people we spend the most time around. Choose and spend energy maintaining emotionally healthy friendships.
6. Celebrate, befriend, or work with differently-abled people.
Gratitude is a cure for SO many things, and a serious dose of it will help you stop hating your body and all the ways it supports your life. Plus it’s just fun and gratifying and a good thing in the world!
Visit a deaf theater performance, learn sign language, support a local wheelchair basketball league, volunteer to help with the Special Olympics…
Now, about your orgasm…
There’s very little in the world better than enjoying a rip-roaring, earth-shattering, toe-curling orgasm with a man you adore.
And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being in charge of your own orgasm. 🙂
Lots of women enjoy using a vibrator or other device to help them do this, by the way.
So WHY spend one tiny droplet of your beautiful life being angry about HOW you got your orgasm? Stop hating your body, sweet soul! You GOT your orgasm, and it was great.
Enjoy your sex life! Revel in it. You deserve that.
When he doesn’t want to kiss you if you’re smoking…
Smoking isn’t a healthy choice for your body (and you already know this, I’m certain), but neither are a host of other choices.
The fact that he might not want to kiss you right after you smoke a cigarette is just another way he’s telling you he likes the actual YOU, and not the cigarette.
It’s easy enough to allow him to kiss the real, sexy, delicious woman you are (rather than something that tastes and smells like a cigarette).
Talking to him about his bad breath…
If he has bad breath, that’s a separate issue, and it’s one you can raise with him.
But you need to do it without mentioning smoking, or other things you’re feeling irritated about.
So talk with him about the bad breath. Choose a private time, when there aren’t other stressors around, and say something like:
“Hey gorgeous… I wanted to mention to you that I had noticed a problem, and I wasn’t sure if you were aware of it. I’ve noticed you have bad breath sometimes…”
Be compassionate and understanding, rather than sharp or critical.
If you’ve ever had a man make you doubt yourself…
You’ve probably had this happen: At first things are going great with a guy. There are the tantalizing calls and texts, flirty Facebook messages, and maybe some sizzling-hot intimate nights. You MAY even be talking about a future together.
Then you start to notice…
It seems like something has changed in him, and he starts to withdraw.
Out of nowhere he completely loses interest in you.
Your texts and calls start to go unanswered and soon he just disappears from your life.
You’re left wondering “What just happened here? Did I do something WRONG?” (Ugh.)
That was the exact story my relationship consultant friend James heard at a lunch meeting with a client a while ago.
It was during that same lunch that James discovered an answer to perhaps the biggest piece in the dating and relationship puzzle…
This video exposes a “gap” in the male mind, and how it’s destroying relationships everywhere.
The shocking thing about “The Gap” is how subtly it can destroy relationships.
If you find yourself asking these questions:
- Why is he so hard to communicate with?
- Does he really love and care about me, or only what I can give him?
- Why did he lose interest? (Will he come back?)
- Why can’t he just love me? (Does he think something is wrong with me?)
You should listen to what this world-class relationship coach teaches… The answers he shares are NOT what you’re expecting, and they clarify so much about your relationship.
Make it successfully over ANY hurdle with your man and create an incredible (LONG-TERM) relationship.
PS: If you have ever found yourself FRUSTRATED with men, and just want a deep, REAL connection with a man that loves you for you, you need to watch this.