You’ve found a guy you really like. Should you tell him you’re also dating other men?
“Should I make an effort NOT to tell him I’m dating other men…?”
“Hi Claire. I’m seeing a guy I like and I’m trying to follow your advice that I should still enjoy seeing others until there is a proposal for an engagement (enjoy the “man buffet” as you said un the Capture his Heart program). I’m just wondering should I make an effort not to tell him about the other guys I date? If he finds out and gets upset how do I move forward?” — D.
Hi beautiful. I need to amend that part of the program to say “unless you’re engaged OR unless the two of you have agreed to become exclusive (and not see other people any more).
Sort of like a “pre-engagement.”
The fact that you’re casually dating other men shouldn’t be a secret.
You want to be clear about the fact that you’re casually dating other men from the beginning.
In fact, hiding this could cause a serious breach of trust between you. Think of all the men you dated who turned out to be married. Ugh.
The word “casual” is important here, because…
Whether you’re only seeing one guy or dating other men too, you want to keep it CASUAL until you’re ready to become exclusive.
Otherwise you are trusting people who haven’t earned your trust, and that puts you on the in-love/heartbreak roller coaster ALL the time, and that’s not emotionally healthy for anyone.
It’s important to keep things casual until you can make a SMART, well-considered decision about whether or not to trust ANY man more deeply.
Here’s what’s magnetically ATTRACTIVE about a woman who is happily, casually dating other men (while looking for the right match)…
A confident, happy woman who is highly sought-after by other men is immensely attractive.
YOU are not the same as every other woman in the world! You’re unique in so many ways. And there are LOTS of potential matches for you.
You wouldn’t instantly give EVERY man who showed an interest in you ALL your time and attention — you would WAIT to see who is the best match for the woman you are, and the woman you are becoming.
It takes time & effort to build trust between two people.
Trust is built of lots and lots of moments where the two of you deeply listened, and worked to UNDERSTAND (rather than just trying to be understood).
It’s also built of integrity, and every time one of you SAYS you’ll do something, but you don’t actually do it — that tears down some of your trust.
Trust is about knowing each other’s goals and boundaries, and respecting those.
And of course, trust is built when each of you are responsible and accountable to each other. If you make a mistake, you own it, and work to make it right.
All that takes time to build.
Casually dating more than one man at a time shows that you don’t commit yourself lightly or without good reason.
It lets a man know that you don’t just stop your entire life and focus everything on ANY man who calls your name — you have a life to live, goals to pursue, and too much joy and sparkle to confine all your energy that way.
You are willing to take the time to build trust, but you are not a pushover, you respect your own time and decisions.
AND, it allows him to “be the man” and actively pursue (and maybe win!) you.
Men are hard-wired to chase, so let him fire up that gene and enjoy the pursuit. Don’t rob him of that pleasure.
Of course you are doing some of your own pursuing, but you should never forget that YOU are a valuable prize!
Only share your deeper self with a man who has shown himself to be trustworthy, a man of high integrity (meaning his words match his actions), someone who makes you feel strong and good when you’re with him, and who wants what is truly good for YOU.
Your WORDS have so much POWER. Use them WELL (and make him a little obsessed…)
If you didn’t care too much, you could leave things to chance.
You could say whatever came to mind, and hope it all turns out like you want.
But smart women are aware of how much POWER their words can have on a man (and smart women use this power for GOOD things in the world).
These are some insanely powerful words for a man to hear.
Here’s how these particular words work…
They use the idea of positive discomfort, which is a psychological concept which explains why we value the things we have to work hard for.
Men in particular are genetically programmed to value things that aren’t just handed to them — the things they have to WORK for.
Men WANT to work to win what they desire (YOU).
If you’re interested in grabbing a man’s attention and making him crave you, you should know about this.
These words are a cocktail of pleasure and discomfort mixed in together. It basically means that you make him feel 90% pleasure mixed with 10% discomfort.
It cranks up his emotional intensity towards you and he feels this hot, raw and intense craving or desire for you which is pretty delicious for most guys. 🙂
It’s the kind of love which makes a man lay awake at night thinking about you (how’s that for a change?), the kind of love which makes him want to hold you, touch you and be close to you as much as possible.
The kind of love which makes a man want to be WORTHY of YOU.
That makes him see YOU as his best possible choice.
And I know you’re not the type to throw these words around at just any man.
Use them because they are helping you connect with a SPECIAL man, a man YOU choose, and want to try things out (or go deeper) with.
Go check it out! 🙂
PS: This “word recipe” works on ALL men – whether you are already married or if the two of you are currently just casual acquaintances.