Real, long-term love and being “in love“ are two VERY different things…
“If a man says he loves you and is in love with you does it mean the same thing? I thought they meant different things? I’d appreciate clarity. Thanks again Claire.” — L.
This is such a great question, and dang, girlfriend does it cause some confusion and mayhem out there in la-la-love land.
When you’re at the “in love” phase of a relationship…
You don’t actually DO anything to make it happen. It’s mostly chemical. And effortless. And fizzy. And you feel drunk and crazy and great. You are infatuated, and possessive, and obsessed.
Your feelings are extreme high or low. All in or all out. Wonderful or terrible.
You want to be with that person CONSTANTLY. You want more, more, MOAR of them, and it’s painful, actually.
What you’re “in love” with is actually an idealized version of the actual human on the receiving end of these powerful feelings.
That’s why they feel “PERFECT” to you in every way. Anything not perfect is just a charming little quirk! Something you love about him.
There’s truth in your idealized version of him, but there’s also a mountain of hope, and a heaping dollop (maybe more!) of whipped-cream fantasy.
It’s a good thing that the “in love” phase passes. Here’s why.
And the truth is, we have issues.
Difficult parenting situations, frustrating jobs, a challenging world. You’re bound to realize one day that his mother makes you crazy and you wish he would stop listening to every critical word his boss has for him. And why can’t he pick up after himself, for once in his life?!
Being “in love” isn’t compatible with long-term reality of our lives.
That doesn’t mean passion dies!
It only means that it’s no longer effortless.
When you’re in the chemical phase of being in love, you don’t have to DO anything, except float around on your pink strawberry-scented cloud.
But the real world has a strong grip and can’t be denied forever, if you want to stay emotionally healthy.
When you TRULY love someone…
When you are willing to do the hard work of love, you are less likely to become disappointed with your partner, because you have a much more realistic view of him, and of yourself. You become much happier when you stop trying to forcefully wish everything into a perfect, sparkly, impossible shape.
Your feelings are much more normal, which is a relief!
The relationship is less about how you “feel” and more about what you are DOING.
It’s about how the two of you take care of each other, work things through together, build trust and confidence in each other. It’s about being accountable to each other, and taking responsibility for your mistakes.
There’s a lot of the daily work of forgiveness in real love… When you’re “in love” there’s really no forgiveness necessary, because he can do no wrong!
But in a long-term relationship you have to learn how to solve incredibly difficult problems together, balance the needs each of you has, figure out how to make each other feel loved, deal with money issues, sex, children, work, and so on.
Sometimes you DO feel fizzy and wacky and wonderful, but not ALL the time.
Real love is a choice. It’s the kind of choice you make daily, over the course of many years, pleasures, boredoms, fears, surprises, griefs, joys, and frustrations.
You have to work at loving.
And it’s the hardest, best, most transformative work in the world.
When you’re ready to build a deeply loving relationship with consistency and DEVOTION…
If you’re serious about building healthy, loving, live-giving change in your life…
If you want to make a man feel a hungry desire for you that’s deeply, truly into the territory of long term love…
Listen to what love and relationship coach Amy North has to share about how to GROW your love life into something amazing, starting now.
It doesn’t matter if you just came out of a bad breakup or messy relationship situation, and it has NOTHING to do with how pretty or attractive you think you have to be.
This is PERFECT for women who want MORE, who don’t feel desperate for just ANY kind of love-crumbs from a man.
Amy’s video (and that’s actually her, a few seconds in) begins with a massive love tactic, BUT there is just SO much more in the whole coaching program…
It absolutely GOES THE DISTANCE.
Amy also shows you:
- The “Obsession Formula”…You’ll learn a powerful set of words Amy calls a “Devotion Sequence” that make a man lust uncontrollably for you (even if he says he’s not interested).
- A Sassy Little Texting Secret… Sick of guys ignoring your texts and calls? Her “Phone Phrenzy” tactic is designed to make men feel so much intrigue that they’ll often start texting and calling you TOO often…
- A Soulmate’s Connection… She’ll reveal the three psychological loopholes that will make a man fantasize about spending the rest of his life with you. (You need to know this).
- Why Men Pull Away… Do you know the top 3 mistakes women make that cause men to lose interest? I’ll explain exactly how to avoid making these attraction-killing errors.
- And of course, there’s so much more in her course.
If you are interested in building a long-term love, you should spend the time it takes to hear her out.
DO IT FOR YOU, bright-winged creature.
PS: It doesn’t matter if you’re single or not either, because Amy’s program will even work on a distant husband OR drifting-away boyfriend.
We invest time and energy in things that are important to us.
PPS: An affirmation for you:
I don’t just affirm my inherent beauty and goals for a fulfilled and loving life; I also ACT. Maybe not in enormous, ground-eating steps, but in small, determined ways that show I understand how once in a while there will be setbacks. I may not move quickly, but I refuse to be defeated.
May you fly, loving woman. Make this your year for profound, lasting love, beginning with your own beautiful soul… xoxo C.