Everybody has an ex, probably several. But when his ex is making your life hell, what is your guy doing about it? And what are YOU doing, beautiful one?
“His ex won’t leave us alone. Am I sleeping with the enemy?”
“Claire, I just love you. You’re always on point and give such witty advice. It would be great if you could tell me how you see this.
I have been living with my bf for 6 years now. His ex went crazy when she found out we were dating. I had nothing to do with their breakup and in fact I almost left him because of his baggage (her). She is kind of looser with substance abuse problems. She sent thousands of very ugly messages to me and him, flat tires, attacks on social media, trying to hurt my business. When I blocked her she wrote to my friends, business associates, and city council officials. Freaked a lot of people out.
Quite by accident I found out recently that my bf has stayed in contact with her over the years since they broke up. He and I are on same cellular plan and I found out I can see numbers he calls and texts. I talked to my bf about what I found and told him what really bothers me is the fact that he has been hiding it, and I asked him why he is doing that. His answer was: “Precisely because of reactions like this.” Reaction? Me calmly asking is a “reaction”…?
So now I feel betrayed and scared. Why does he feel the need to stay in touch with someone who is not rational and hates my guts? She would do anything to hurt me. I don’t think he would leave me for her, but she wants him back.
So here I am. Not a week goes by without them exchanging at least 50 texts (she is texting 10 times more than him and usually starts the convo). Sometimes they talk. I think he may be giving her money because she is always broke. I have started to be resentful and my thoughts are not always kind when I look at him texting. I will explode one day.
We don’t have any big problems and he is great guy. I don’t doubt he loves me as much as I love him.
I raised the issue with him, and he doesn’t want to make changes. I think she is massaging his ego and I feel like she is destroying mine. I can’t choose his friends for him but I can choose mine. Is he my friend or am I sleeping with the enemy???” —I.
This is a stunning amount of stress to live under, fierce heart. There are several things that concern me, and you have an enormous decision to make after you hear them.
Where was he when his ex was making your life hell?
The opening of your story sounded pretty frighteningly “Fatal Attraction,” no joke.
And since you didn’t mention any effort HE made to protect you, look after you, or put a stop to the scary activities of his ex, I’m wondering…
Why didn’t he step in? Why didn’t he call the police? Why didn’t he take care of you?
Which also makes me wonder…
Why would he spend SO much time with a woman who only wants to destroy the relationship between the two of you?
What kind of man continues to be in close daily connection — for YEARS — with a woman with such violent and destructive desires toward the woman he supposedly loves?
Something about that doesn’t make sense.
He was deceptive for a very long time about this relationship with his ex.
You said “we don’t have any big problems” but what you actually have is a relationship built on 6 years of deception, a man who didn’t step in when you needed it, and who won’t break off his DAILY relationship with a hate-filled, destructive ex who wants to hurt you.
And the fact that he lied to you for so long about this makes me wonder if he’s lied about other things as well.
His strange response to how upset this makes you is very problematic.
By his unwillingness to accept or care about the stress, unhappiness, and fear this continually causes you, he’s saying that your pain doesn’t matter to him.
Your pain matters so little to him that he refuses to give you a fair hearing, to carefully consider the tremendous damage this is doing to your relationship, or to stop the behavior that is causing the damage.
You have a big decision to make: Is this the kind of man and relationship you want?
Are you okay with him NOT having your best interest at heart?
With him NOT being willing to take your pain seriously?
With him lying to you for years about his ex, and being rude and dismissive to you when you discovered his deception?
With him spending this much time and energy with a woman who wants to hurt you and destroy your relationship?
Because that sounds like a LOT of relationship deal-breakers.
If you want to have ANY hope of salvaging this relationship, you have to be very clear about this.
You have to be able to name these things with him very precisely and openly. Without drama. Just clear and honest.
And you have to make it plain whether or not you’re willing to live like this. Then follow through.
Get professional help if you can.
But even if you can’t, you need to be able to say whether or not you would rather break things off now and look for someone who will love you with honesty and respect.
Someone who will treat you as a woman with feelings and needs that deserve to be heard and addressed.
It IS possible to have a man who wants to COMMIT, PROTECT, and LOVE (only) you…
It IS possible to have a man who is absolutely faithful to you, forever.
And not just physically, but also emotionally faithful to you…
Which is even more important in many ways, because infidelity happens first in a man’s mind and heart (and TIME and ENERGY) before it becomes what he does with his body.
You want a man to be so emotionally committed to YOU that the thought of giving his time and energy to another woman actually makes him feel disgusted with himself, or with other men he sees lying to and emotionally hurting the women they date.
Watch this now and you’ll learn a simple, scientifically proven secret that has the power to make ANY man instantly change his ways and shower you with the love, affection and loyalty that you want and deserve.
This program is PACKED with great information and helpful tips on helping him GET CLEAR, and FEEL READY TO COMMIT. Including…
- “The 7-Step “Commitment Kick-Starter”
- “Bonding Anchors” (to create a deeper bond with him)
- “The Instant Monogamy Mechanism”
- “The Emotional Engagement Checklist”
- “How To Be His Lifetime Addiction”
- “How To Avoid The 10 Deadly Relationship Sins”
It doesn’t matter if you’re single right now. It doesn’t matter if you’re dating a guy. And it doesn’t matter if you’ve been married for years.
This will cause him to feel a rush of joy, nervousness and excitement every time he is with you…as he suddenly sees YOU as the woman he is MEANT to be with!
PS: When someone tells me “His ex just won’t leave us alone!” I know his ex isn’t REALLY the issue. What’s at stake is the relationship, and the people responsible are the man and the woman who love each other.
THAT’S the kind of emotionally faithful man you want, beautiful heart.
PPS: PLEASE DON’T use this to break up a man’s marriage, or to mess with some guy’s mind because he did you wrong in the past. You should ONLY use this on a man who you want (or have) a loving, lasting, committed relationship with.